Stuffed Tiger in Britain Fools Police, Zoo Experts, and News Crews

The Sun - A dog walker told yesterday how he caused a huge police alert by leaving a toy tiger in a field - sparking fears a REAL one was on the loose. Kevin Blunden found the toy near a disused garage while walking his border collie cross Saski. He pulled it from a heap of rubbish, dusted it down and took it to the field for his five-year-old pet to play with. But when Saski lost interest Kevin, 53, left the stuffed tiger behind. Last week we revealed how members of the public raised the alarm after seeing the giant "beast" crouching in grass. Police marksmen, zoo staff and a helicopter were scrambled and a golf course was evacuated in Hedge End, Hants. Kevin said: "Never in my wildest dreams did I think of the chaos it would cause. I was worried I'd be arrested but I did nothing wrong. "My mates think it is hilarious and I see the funny side but it was a waste of police time and resources. I can't believe it took so many officers and a helicopter to come to the same conclusion." Thermal imaging gear on the chopper detected no heat from the "tiger" - and the downdraft from the aircraft blew the toy over. Hampshire Police said: "CCTV footage convinced us we were dealing with a real tiger." 

"Hampshire Plice said CCTV footage convinced us we were dealing with a real tiger." 

Umm, what? Are Albino Tigers even indigenous to British Golf courses?  Shouldn't have that question pretty much cleared this up?

Or how about calling the local zoo and seeing if they're missing an endangered Albino Tiger and just hadn't gotten around to alerting anyone yet.  Seems like that simple phone call should have raised some suspicions as well.

Jesus, don't let these guys get a sight on the local town fair.  They'll have to send in the national guard to take down all the carnies hoarding packs of plush wild animals.  

Clean it up England, you're better than that.

South Carolina Teens Trade Getting Spanked by Old Man for Packs of Cigarettes

Joe Camel Does Not Think Bondage Bartering for Butts is cool.

LEXINGTON, S.C. (AP) - Authorities in South Carolina say they arrested a 50-year-old convenience store clerk who sold cigarettes and smokeless tobacco to boys after they let him spank them. Lexington County deputies said Tuesday that they started investigating Terrence Bryant after the father of a 12-year-old boy found him with a pack of Newport cigarettes earlier this month. Detectives say Bryant sold the boy cigarettes at least five times from his pickup truck, spanking the child in the parking lot over his clothes. Deputies say Bryant also sold tobacco to two 15-year-old boys after spanking them. Bryant is charged with three counts of lewd act upon a child under age 16. He is awaiting a bond hearing and deputies say he doesn't have an attorney yet.

Wow, cigarettes are way more addictive than we previously thought.  Maybe we ought'a look into banning these things, huh?

I mean 12-15 year old boys getting spanked by 50 year old creep-o's in convenience store parking lots? WTF? That's not the kinda shit I was into when I was 12.  Is that just a hick thing or were these guys just seriously fucked? And I do mean guys, yea the 50 year old is a gigantic perv, but at least he knows what he likes, what the hell is these kids' excuses?  

I knew kids who smoked all through out high school, and sure as shit that none of them were bending over for a light S&M session with Ranjit behind the 7-11 up the street.  I'm pretty sure they just went in and pretended to be 18 and the clerk sold them to them...would've assumed it was the same in the care free, health-free deep South.  Guess I'm mistaken.

Husband Uses Forklift to Body Slam Car with Wife Inside...She had the Nerve to Question His Sense of Direction

SPRINGFIELD (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A Springfield man will face several charges after allegedly attacking his girlfriend with a forklift.  Police say 41-year old Brian Hurley got into an argument with the victim in their car over the weekend.  Hurley allegedly slapped her, then got out of the car and started kicking it.  Police say he got into a forklift, picked the car up off the ground, and then dropped it after driving it a short distance while his girlfriend was still inside.  Hurley is due in court later this week.

Say what you want about the guy, there is no defending a man slapping a woman, so it's a shame that's the route he took first.

Because if he'd avoided the whole battered wife thing, this guy would have went down in  history for angry husband rages, as a role model for all belittled male spouses.  The pioneer of the "body slam your car with your wife inside with a forklift that you conveniently keep in your garage for just such occasions," routine.  

And she would have totally deserved that, I don't even need the reporters to tell me what happened leading up to this.  She was definitely nagging him about the route he took home.  Ladies, don't question your man, if he knows a short cut, he knows a short cut.  It's that simple, so just sit tight toots, you'll be home shortly.

Indian Woman Chops Husbands Dick off As Police Evidence

Dhaka - A man whose penis was cut off during an alleged rape attempt in southern Bangladesh has fled his hospital possibly to avoid being arrested, hospital officials said Tuesday. The Barisal Sher-e-Bangla Medical College Hospital released the suspect, undergoing treatment after his penis was severed, at his own request as there were no instructions from police, physician Jahangir Alam said, adding that he may have left in haste for fear of arrest. Police said that a 40-year-old woman, a neighbour of the accused man, had filed a complaint alleging he attempted to rape her in her home in southern Jhalakathi district, 200 kilometers south of Dhaka. Jhalakathi police officer Abul Khayer said the woman, a housewife and mother of three children, cut off Mozammel's penis Saturday night, wrapped it in plastic and deposited it as evidence at a police station as evidence.

Did someone arrest the broad? What proof does this bitch have that he tried to rape her? A bloody stump of a penis in a zip lock bag? God I hope that bag had the double lock freshness seal.

Of course the guy fled the hospital, probably feared for his life that this nutjob woman was going to come back for the boys.  The police obviously weren’t going to protect him.  They’re not even competent enough to track down a bloody dickless man in the hospital after he’s been accused of rape, never mind handling a witness protection gig for Mozammel Bobbet over here. 

Has anyone alerted amnesty international to the travesties against humanities going on over there? It’s like a 3^rd world country or something.

Girl Catches Glimpse of Big Foot on Iphone...Resolution Looks Shit

Fox News - A young woman in Spokane, Washington claims to have captured definitive video footage of the legendary Bigfoot, the elusive ape-like humanoid that famously avoids high definition footage... Because the creature was some distance away, Samantha didn't notice until she reviewed the footage later at home. A few days  later, she uploaded the video to YouTube; the "evidence" was soon viewed by over 700,000 believers and skeptics alike as of May 31 -- with a disproportionate number of "dislike" ratings. Samantha seems convinced, however.  "I have never given it much thought, but now I'm not so sure," she explained to local news outlet KXLY."Seems real enough to me." The current top comment on YouTube offers a more rational observation on why it may be fake. "Any animal or even human that lives in these woods would not casually stroll by when 'intruders' are entering its territory," explained user OmicronTurtle. "It would be very aware of any hikers nearby. It would stay hidden, leave the area undetected, or attack."

Am I the only one that thinks it looks like Lil Wayne on a nature hike?

And how pissed do you think Steve Jobs is right about now? Millions of dollars advertising gods gift to phones and it's amazing hi-resolution screen and camera...piece of shit can't even shoot a clear shot of big foot, all grainy and shit.  That famous 1970's instamatic polaroid of big foot looks clearer, Retina Display my ass.

Thank god for the top commenter on Youtube...if that basement dweller hadn't cleared up the reasons why this couldn't be Big Foot I'd have never gotten to sleep last night, thinking that mythical beasts are out roaming Washington State.

...this video does cause me to take pause though.

California Woman Spotted Taking Trash Can of Body Parts to the Curb

NY Daily News - A California woman caught wheeling a trashcan full of body parts was arrested on Monday on charges of homicide. Carmen Montenegro, 51, of San Bernardino, Calif. was spotted with the macabre container around 2:30 in the afternoon and nabbed by police who were tipped off to her bizarre activities." Officers stopped her leaving the location and in the trashcan we found human remains," Detective Jeff Crittenden told KTLA-TV. One neighborhood resident's daughter told a KTLA-TV reporter she is Montenegro's cousin, and that the woman came to the home for help disposing the body. Other residents said Montenegro's mother lives in the home, and that Montenegro herself lived there sporadically for over a decade. The body is believed to have been dug up from the yard of the house where Montenegro was first spotted, according to police.

When asked what she was doing by police, Carmen replied; "I'm sorry officers, is this wrong? Is this frowned upon? Because if it is, I would have never done it, it's just that where I come from, people do this all the time."

Ok, Ok, there is no truth to that quote, but I imagine her defense won't be much different.  When you come from a country with so many mass graves that you recently had to start leasing land from neighboring Guatemala just to store the bodies, this may seem common place. 

Russian Swat Team Prepping for Hostile Greenline Take Over in Boston

Holy Shit! Add another to the long list of reasons I'm glad I don't live near or rely on the Green Line.  

Putin has his goons practicing on exact green line trolley replicas for their impending invasion.  I'd think very hard if I were a pending college grad thinking of moving out to the Allston/Brighton area. Just miles of above ground green line trolleys, ripe for the picking.

Totally sounds like a Denzel plot, doesn't it?

World Record Car Jump on a Life Sized Hot Wheels Track

"Made by Mattel" (TM)

Pretty much sums up why America is the best, no?  

Economy in the tank? Check

Natural Disasters Up the Ass? Check

Fighting Two Wars? Check

Time to Build the Greatest Life Size Toy From Childhood? Check and Mate.

In your face rest of the world.

PS: I totally want to see a life sized Crossfire next.