Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Mark Prior in the House

Deadspin - It's hard to believe that despite all the comeback attempts from former Cubs pitcher Mark Prior, he hasn't actually pitched in the Major Leagues since the summer of 2006. Since then, he's tried to latch on with the Padres, Yankees, and Rangers, never once making it to The Show. Now the Red Sox are the 31-year-old's next stop on the comeback trail.

Wicked Pissah...You thought fans were fucking psyched for Aaron Freaking Cook, just wait till Mark Prior tosses out a 2 inning, 4k's, 0 hit performance against a bunch of 20 year olds for the Lowell Spinners in a few weeks.  There might be a million man march down Landsdowne to bring this guy up. 

I can hear the radio calls now: "Whatta you's guys think about moving Bahd back to the bullpen, and giving Mahk Priah a shot? This kid has talent. I'm gonna hang up and let you's discuss."

Can't wait. 

In all seriousness, hope it works out, the guy deserves a break. Maybe the Sox can call up Dr. Frankenstein or whoever kept patching up Ramon Martinez and Brett Saberhagen for their annual July-September push year after year. Worked miracles for them.

The Scream Sells for $120 Million, I Draw A Better Version in 120 Seconds

NEW YORK – One of the art world's most recognizable images -- Edvard Munch's "The Scream" -- sold Wednesday for a record $119,922,500 at auction in New York City. The 1895 artwork -- a modern symbol of human anxiety -- was sold at Sotheby's. The price includes the buyer's premium. The image of a man holding his head and screaming under a streaked, blood-red sky is one of four versions by the Norwegian expressionist painter. The auctioned piece at Sotheby's is the only one left in private hands. The previous record for an artwork sold at auction was $106.5 million for Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves, and Bust," sold by Christie's in 2010. The image has become part of pop culture, "used by everyone from Warhol to Hollywood to cartoons to teacups and T-shirts," said Michael Frahm of the London-based art advisory service firm Frahm Ltd. "Together with the Mona Lisa, it's the most famous and recognized image in art history," he added. 

One Hundred Twenty Millions Freakin' Dollars, people. And the headline of the link I'd clicked said "is it worth it?"....In a word, NO!

Tremendously famous painting, and the article is right, along with the Mona Lisa, the Last Supper, and Whistlers Mother, it's one of four paintings that non-art history majors will recognize. So yea, I guess its a conversation piece, now it all depends on how much you value that conversation. I'm not sure reverential conversations in hushed tones over Roast Duck Dinner Parties with Bourgeois friends is worth that much. Nor do I think you're going to impress and floozies you wrangled back to your apartment with this thing, you've already got them back to your apartment, at that point its overkill.

Basically, you got ripped off. At no point in time beyond the very first hours after you've hung that on your rich mahogany wall are you ever going to feel anything but remorse for buying this thing. Sentenced to a life of shaking your head and muttering about all the other really cool shit you could have used $120 million on. 

PS: I'll sell you this masterpiece for a fraction of the price:

 2 Minutes on MS Paint. Folks, I can be commissioned. 

FEMA's Using The Waffle House as a Natural Disaster Barometer is the Craziest Thing You'll Hear Today

Fox News - Waffle House serves hungry customers bacon, eggs and hash browns, but when disaster strikes, the iconic chain serves up valuable intel to the government. The Federal Emergency Management Agency has developed an unofficial, color-coded "Waffle House Index" to help make assessments before sending response teams to areas hit by such natural disasters as tornadoes, floods or hurricanes. After a disaster, officials call a restaurant in the affected area, and ask what's on the menu. If the restaurant is serving everything, it means there is water and electricity and that the index is green. If the menu has been scaled back, the index is yellow, which means there's water but no power. In the rare event a Waffle House is completely shut down, the index is red and that usually means there's big trouble. “I guess our reputation has been that if we’re able to get back open, things might be bad, but they’re not horrible," said Walt Ehmer, chief operating officer of the 1,600-store chain. "But, if we don’t happen to be able to be doing business, then that must be a sign that the community is in really bad shape. 

FEMA, are you frigen kidding me with this? The Waffle House Index? Get the fuck out. You're a government agency, you have to have better resources than this...

You know how I know the severity of a natural disaster? I turn on the fucking news! It's right there. Meanwhile we got FEMA acting like modern cable television doesn't exist calling up Waffle Houses and attempting to order up short stacks. This is mind blowing. 

Not to mention that...it's the Waffle House! I'm pretty sure every weekend night there could be classified as a disaster area...Late night at a Waffle House is pretty much like downtown Baghdad if the internet is any indicator...pretty sure something like 67% of all World Star videos start in a Waffle House. Comedians have gotten rich on entire skits based around the gross, wild, and weird shit that goes down at the Waffle House after midnight. I'm not sure the government could have picked a more distressed target if they tried.

PS: This has to burn the folks at IHOP right up. They've got to be kicking themselves on this one.

Gatorade's New Soccer Commercial?

Guessing this won't make the cut as the next "Is It In You?" Comercial for Gatorate. Though it definitely was in him, and now it's very much out of him...and it was already colored yellow, so no need for the CGI effects, it'd be a budget commercial. 

PS: Who pukes inwards at themselves? Is that the most polite thing ever seen. I always puke forward, always. Inside, outside, at a popular casino in Las Vegas after having a chugging contest with some bro from Texas that you just met who asked you try dip for the first time and you promptly swallowed some of it by accident...Always puke outward. If someone's foolish enough to be 3 inches from my face when I'm clearly about to yak then that's their problem.