San Diego Life Guards Rescue Naked Chick Atop Cliff...All in a Days Work.

Something tells me this guy would have been shit out of lock with the SD Life Guards

SAN DIEGO (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Lifeguards and fire crew Tuesday rescued a young woman who became stranded on a California cliffside without her clothes, Fox5 San Diego reported. A rescue team plucked the exposed 27-year-old from a ledge high above Black's Beach in the San Diego community of La Jolla. The woman claimed she was climbing down the cliffs -- which are some 500 feet (152 metres) high -- when she became stuck, but lifeguards have questioned her account, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune. "We're not entirely certain that she is telling the correct story. It was just sheer cliffs above her," said lifeguard Andy Lerum.

Damn, even rescue crews have it better in San Diego.  Boston rescue workers probably fill their days fishing bloated bodies out of the harbor, these guys out in SD rescue stranded co-eds stuck on cliffs, who just happen to be hanging out butt-naked.  

And who are these lifeguards to question the woman's story? Clearly after climbing down 500 feet of sheer cliff she was exhausted, overheated, and in need of help. I don't know about you but the first thing I do is strip down and wave my clothes as a rescue flag.  Cools you off and draws attention to your situation.  Of course I have to think these guys were a little quicker to help this chick out than they would be if CW was just tanning cliff-side in his birthday suit.  They'd probably wait till nightfall to help my ass out.

Woman Drops Dead in Dentist Chair

Death would probably be a sweet release for this schmuck.

(NewsCore) - An investigation was underway Wednesday into the death of a British woman who collapsed in the dentist's chair after using mouthwash. Sacha Rumaner, 30, from Brighton, in southern England, was undergoing a routine tooth-cleaning treatment at the Morley Street Family Dental Clinic when she went into anaphylactic shock, local newspaper The Brighton Argus reported.

See, this is why I don't go to the Dentist's office anymore.  One second you're living your life, maybe mildly worried about gingivitis or plaque, the next you're dead, toxic dose of mouth wash.  No thanks.  All sorts of shit can go wrong in the Dentist's office and its just a risk I choose not to take at this point.  I don't need some random dude just poking and prodding my mouth with a miniature Pick-Axe, sucking up all my spit with his tiny mouth vacuum hose, brushing my teeth with that industrial strength mechanical toothbrush that makes more noise than your average week whacker, and on top of all that now I've got to worry about toxic mouth wash.  

My Dentist died 3 years ago, and that was the last time I went for a check up.  That's it for me, once your Dentist dies you're through, you mate for life with your Dentist in my view. How else am I going to build up that level of trust I had? The guy had been  cleaning my teeth since I was a toddler.  It's not easy to build a new relationship with a Dentist, it's not like I'm going to want to share small talk with some stranger as he's digging around in my mouth like a little kid playing in the sand at the beach.  

No thanks, I'll just test my luck brushing my teeth and occasionally flossing, seems to be working so far.

Twinkies Kind of Suck, Right?

Can we be honest about this? I mean I know Twinkies are a piece of Americana and I'm running the risk of getting deported just for the title of this post, but I feel like someone had to say it. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I object to a Twinkie when I'm offered one or they're just readily available as a lone snack option.  They're a perfectly in that situation.  But I've never, walked into a convenience store and thought "man I'd really like to get a couple twinkies while I'm here."  And for that matter I'm sure that no one has, you're lying if you say you have.  There are dozens of other snacks that I'd choose instantly over the Twinkie if shown side by side.  Shit the Twinkie probably wouldn't even register in some cases, Ho-Ho's, Ring Dings, those Hostess chocolate cake things, devil dogs, Drakes Coffee Cakes, and just about anything else made by Hostess or Little Debbie. Sorry Twinkie, you're a distinct after thought. 

And yet you remain a pop culture icon. I cannot for the life of me figure out why.  Showing up in movies, being used to build twinkie pyramids, and without fail you're the 1st or 2nd food mentioned when someone first gets a fryalator.  I don't know what kind of magical hold you have over us, or how you got it, but I guess I'm going to have to accept that you're going to be around for a while, even if you suck.

PS: Google Image Search Twinkie (note, do not spell it Twinky, you'll get fired from your job).  Just tons of people playing with twinkies, not one eating them.  Is this what I'm missing? People love these like Play-doh? Should I have just been playing with these things all these years instead of eating them?

Teenagers Confuse Intruder Whacking Off For Average House Ghost...Oh.

SAN FRANCISCO -- Teens who thought they heard a ghost in their home in San Francisco's Presidio Heights neighborhood on Saturday night instead found a man masturbating in a bedroom, a police spokesman said today. Two girls, ages 14 and 17, and a 17-year-old boy were at home in the 3400 block of Pacific Avenue near Laurel Street at about 9:35 p.m. Saturday when they heard a noise in an adjacent room, police Lt. Troy Dangerfield said. The teens thought it was a ghost, but when they went to the bedroom on the third floor of the home, the boy noticed that the door to the room was closed, although he had remembered leaving it open, Dangerfield said. The teens opened the door and found the man standing naked inside the room and masturbating. He looked at them and groaned, causing them to flee and call 911 from a neighbor's house, Dangerfield said. Officers responded and found the man, identified as Tyrell Brown, 28, inside a closet. Brown was arrested on suspicion of lewd conduct, burglary, and possession of marijuana, according to Dangerfield. Investigators found signs of forced entry into the home, which sits right outside the southern edge of the Presidio.

 Really? A 14 year old and two 17  year olds thought there was a ghost in the bedroom.  They didn't instantly recognize the sound of pornographic moans and think to knock?  I mean I can understand the girls, Ok, but what about the boy? Dude, you know you've been there. You knew full well what that sound was.  Come on man, smarten up. 

I'm not saying it was right of the neighbor to just sneak in and beat one off without checking if it was ok, that was obviously wrong.  At the very least he should have asked or checked if anyone was home first. But aside from those minor oversights it sounds like he took ever precaution possible, I mean he went to a separate room and closed the door, what more do you want him to do here? An intruding masturbator has to expect some level of privacy here, right?

Good to See Elin is Enjoying Tiger Woods' Money

Fox News - Former Swedish model Elin Nordegren recently purchased her own luxurious digs in North Palm Beach, FL, not far from her ex-husband, pro golf superstar Tiger Woods. Due to a divorce settlement stipulation that both live in close proximity so each can be involved in their children’s lives, Nordegren purchased a $12.2 million beach-front home just 10 miles from Woods’ expansive estate on Jupiter Island, FL.

Good to see Elin is enjoying Tiger's money the right way.  Ladies, this is how you win a divorce. While Tiger is out there hooking up with random pimply faced college chicks this week, Elin is tossing around his cash like it's on fire.  "12.2 Million dollar beach house? Don't mind if I do.

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My only critique would be that she didn't move quite close enough to Tiger.  I mean if you're going to just toss around 12.2 mill I'm guessing you can have any pick of houses that you want.  Should have picked a house like right next door or across the street, make shit reaallll uncomfortable for him.  "Oh hey Tiger, thanks for picking up the kids from school today, Don't mind Jacque over there, he's just my personal kick boxing trainer." Plus he'd have to feel like he still had to sneak around with these college chicks he likes to bring home.  She could just stay up late and stand in the window any time she saw him driving up, just to give him a bit of the chills, like it's his own personal horror movie about to go down. 

Another Food Court Proposal Goes Just as You'd Expect It

See more funny videos and Ouch at Todays Big Thing.

What's with all the hombre's going proposal in food courts these days? Like is this a thing? Did this happen in some chick flick that I'm not aware of? Some sappy dude proposing to his girl where they shared their first Whopper Value meal and she loved it? 

That has to be the case, because in the real world a chick just isn't going to say yes in a cafeteria. Shit isn't going to happen.  No one wants to be a part of a marriage that started in font of a Panda Express. What kind of precedent does that set? Do you really think she wants to go back for a number 4 combo meal for every major anniversary? At some point she's going to want a meal where shes not forced to eat her food like a 4th grader in the school cafe. 

PS: The fact that you have that thick Russian accent couldn't have helped, it's terrible sounding.