Not the Wisest of Choices

Clubber Guenther Hart’s urinary actions short-circuited the electrics at Munich’s crowded Americanos club, forcing the club to throw all the clubgoers out and close down for the night.

Getting kicked out of the club was probably the least of this mans worries after the zap he undoubtedly experienced.  I've been there (electric cattle fence), and I can tell you this is one fool proof, yet foolish, way to test the conductivity of water.

Segway Founder Plummets to His Ironic Death

(CNN) -- The owner of the Segway company has died, apparently in an accident involving one of his upright two-wheeled vehicles, police in England said Monday.
The body of James Heselden, 62, was pulled from the River Wharfe in northern England on Sunday, police said.
A Segway-type vehicle was recovered from the river, police said.

They can claim it was an accident all they want.  Lets be honest, when the Segway was announced over a decade ago they told us it would revolutionize the way we get around.  Well I’d say its fallen (pun intended) far, far short of that goal, selling mainly to tourist guides and mall cops.  I’d say this was more like his last stand, his Thelma and Louise moment.

This Bothers Me

Next time you’re out in a mild drizzle take a look around.  You’re bound to see a similar picture.  Girls wearing standard issue DPW wading boots disguised with so-called “cute” designs or bold colors.  Ladies, it just looks ridiculous. I mean look at this picture.  Do you see rushing water, raw sewage or common street rats floating around? Do you even see rain?  The girl doesn’t even have an umbrella.  Was it misting a few hours prior? 

And looking ridiculous isn’t the only issue.  There’s now no question that girls are senseless trend consumers.  Uggs pushed that myth to a theory (at least they provide warmth) but these boots have confirmed it as an undeniable fact. You’ve basically made two statements; 1) You’re incapable of dressing yourself without a glossy magazine to guide you, and 2) Weather.com is too complicated for you to understand.  I will refuse to take you seriously as a human being with thoughts, ideas, and feelings if seen wearing these in weather short of monsoons, hurricanes or biblical floods. It’s your own fault.

PS: The final issue I missed the first time through deals with equality, because anyone that really knows me can tell you I'm all about fair but equal.  Men don't have such an option for utility.  Why is this an acceptable trend for women? Can you imagine the scene this would cause if men started showing up to the office or barista jobs wearing galoshes every time there was the slightest threat of a drizzle? Corporate meetings would be held, memo's would be e-mailed and new dress codes enforced.

American is Under Attack

I’d like to take a few minutes this morning to talk to you about what is the number one threat to our nation right now. Sinkholes.  Coast to coast, from California to Florida these subterranean scoundrels are wreaking havoc, taking lives, maiming our livestock (we’ll try and figure out what a Camel was doing wandering around suburban Oregon some other time, but I’m pretty sure its related to the polar bear from Lost), and raising insurance rates.  Rest assured, the good people of the internet are already actively working on possible defense systems.