My Only Real Goal in Life

A candid inside look at Barstool Sports headquarters...and my ultimate goal in life.

I have to be one of the few people on earth that can look a desk littered with junk and a grown man eating a loaf of bread while surfing the internet who thinks "I want that," who actually make a moderate attempt at it, but just can't make it happen.

This picture literally ruined my afternoon yesterday because I realized the chances of me ever being that old man, eating a baguette in a sea of filth, coffee, and the far reaches of the internet, is the slimmest of slim.

Just destined to a life of fluorescent lights and overhearing annoying co-worker chatter from my depressing cube.

And my day is shot once again. 

The Most Ridiculous Knock Out Barstool Material I've Ever Seen

KnockoutBarstoolSports - But here's the bigger question, why do we even have dogs at all? I took a class once called Puppies and Slavery: the Next Frontier of Equal Rights. Did you know that most people like dogs more than other people? Think about it, Ray Lewis participates in a MURDER and people are cool with it. Mike Vick fights a bunch of mutts and people rightly lose their mind. It is clear that David Portnoy is in favor of animal rape and cruelty; but what else is he in favor of? Rape? Muder? Osama Bin Laden? Yes, yes and yes. 

I'm going to stop  you right here:

I took a class once called Puppies and Slavery: the Next Frontier of Equal Rights.

I honestly have no idea if this is meant to be satire, there's  only two posts on the entire site, and while they both seem equally outrageous to me, I kinda think lunatic activists think and do things like this, so I think this could be 100% serious...

And if that's the case, well then you've got bigger problems than worrying about what's going on over at a popular sports/smut blog. Things like, "how can I productively put all these puppies and slavery analogies to good use without offending black people and minorities everywhere," or maybe some time spent google searching "puppy slavery major careers," so you can pay off whatever ludicrous degree you just paid for instead of joining those juvenile 99%er's who think life should be all gumdrops and lolli-pops, where there is no accountability or responsibility for each's own life and choices. 

Get a grip on reality, man. If this really isn't satire, do you really think you're winning any fans comparing an actual satirical sports/smut blogger and the puppy bowl to the likes of rapists, murderers, and Osama Bin Laden? I'm sure there are plenty of 9-11 families that'll readily agree with this analogy. Jokes on a website vs. 3,000 or so dead in an act of terrorism.  50/50 really.

A Brief Run Down of the Most Unhealthy Weekend Ever

Let me state by saying that the results of this weekend are no surprise, for years now the first week of March Madness coupled with St. Patty's day has been a beacon of un-health for me.  There's just something about the Spring time air, the sunshine, and the general fantastic weather after a grey and dreary winter that make me want to spend anywhere between 36-48 straight hours in dark pubs or basement bars, drinking as much as I can and staring at 24 hour coverage of college basketball...It's a magical time of the year. 

But this year took it to a whole 'nother level, a level that I'm sincerely hoping will never be topped. What follows below is a run down of my diet from Friday morning through Sunday morning. It will shock, disgust, and amaze you. Hell, it forced me to actually pack my bag for the gym tonight, an incredibly rare event. Looking back you'd assume I was in some state of depression the entire weekend, but honestly, it couldn't have been more fun. With the highlight being this, probably my proudest moment of the year:

Yes, I'm bragging, no I'm not humble, so please don't call it a humblebrag. It's the opposite of a humblebrag, its an arrogant brag. 

Anyway, back on topic, below is a run down of my 48 hour diet (strictly food consumption, but for informational purposes I began drinking at 11:15 Friday morning, and aside from sleeping for 8 hours into Saturday, there wasn't much of a break elsewhere).

 Friday:

10:30 AM - Sausage Egg and Cheese on a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel

3:00 PM - Loaded Nachos

7:00 PM - Loaded Nachos with chicken (for health purposes, obviously)

9:00 PM - Wendy's Spicy Chix Sandwich and a Large Fry

Saturday:

10:00 - Sausage Egg and Cheese on a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel (sensing a trend). 

3:00 PM - Half of a Stuffed Pepper (by far the oddest thing on this list)

8:30 PM - Two McD's Cheeseburgers, Large Fry, Bucket of Orange flavored Hi-C

11:30 PM - 4 Slices of Regina's Cheese Pizza that improbably showed up at my apartment. 

Sunday Morning:

11:30 AM - Supreme Omelet with Home Fries (A supreme consists of 3 eggs, cheese, bacon, sausage, and Ham). 

I ate healthy the rest of the day, which is probably the only reason I was able to stave off what was sure to be a massive coronary. 

BU Upset About Rapes Committed by Fellow Students, Misguidedly Take it out on Blogger

Shouldn't that read Knockout Rape?

Boston.Com - Students active in the Boston University Center for Gender Sexuality and Activism have paired with the Feminist Collective to produce a public service announcement that encourages people to “knock out” a blog called Barstool Sports. The PSA, which students shot Saturday at BU’s George Sherman Student Union, denounced what the students describe as “rape culture.” Barstool Sports sponsors the Barstool Blackout Tour, parties that have been gaining notoriety for encouraging attendees to consume enough alcohol to black out. The Barstool blog asks students to recommend venues to rent out, and Barstool then throws parties for various universities, without university administrative approval...the PSA was partially in response to the recent arrest of BU hockey player Max Nicastro, who was charged with sexual assault...Nicastro is the second BU hockey player to be arrested this school year. Teammate Corey Trivino has been accused of indecent assault and battery on a female student...he also wanted to emphasize that the response was not against party culture or having fun, just about the rape culture she believes Barstool encourages...Qari also said he was not pleased to hear Barstool was coming back to Boston. “I feel bad about that,” he said. “I hope they never come back.”

Look, far be it for me to stick up for a far more popular, far more successful blog than mine can ever dream to be, but this is complete bullshit. A misguided reaction by those seeking attention to their cause, lashing out at a well known target in order to generate buzz. 

Upset about about two rapes committed by members of your campus? Protest those individuals and the community around them (namely the hockey team and it's supporters). Or take the easy way out, build up a strawman out of a popular blog and attempt to tear it down, poor debating skills-101. 

What is it about people these days that they just don't get it? Those rapes, and any rapes for that matter, weren't about a humor based smut blog, in the same way that violent actions by young kids and teenagers isn't the result of movies, television shows and video games they played. 

It's about personal accountability (or in the case of teens and young kids that I just described above, parental accountability). At the end of the day everyone is accountable to themselves. These two guys assaulted or raped their victims, because they're assholes who lack respect for their victims, their victims friends and families, their own friends and families, their teammates, and probably themselves as well.

But that's part of the problem these days, everyone rushes out to point fingers at some outside influence or external factor hoping to pass off the blame to someone or something who had no role in the choices these individuals made.  This is counterproductive. It makes it easier for people to make bad choices, because now, it's not their own fault, it's societies fault.  BULL SHIT. We live and die with our own choices, solely made by ourselves. These two guys were adults enrolled in a top university, they knew right from wrong, they didn't care. It's not because they got all jacked up after reading some blog. Millions of people a month read those blogs, these two individuals raped people...the numbers don't exactly add up. 

To sum, because I'm getting a bit rambly, stop giving these dickheads excuses! Hold them, and solely them, accountable. Look them square in the face and say, "you made a horrible decision, your actions have hurt not only your victim, but everyone around you, and now you'll suffer the consequences," and be done with it. Make an example of those charged with the crimes, make it known that societal excuses are NOT VALID, and make it known that their actions will not be tolerated.