Another Office Bathroom Blog...Obviously My Favorite Topic, and Biggest Pet Peeve

If you know anything about me or the history of this blog, you already know this has been hanging in my office's bathroom since 10 AM this morning...It says everything I've ever wanted to say. 

By the way, scumbag is the only way to properly describe someone that pees on the floor in front of the stall...What the fuck is going on there? At least once a week I walk into a stall to either actually take a shit, or just take a break and catch up on twitter and there's just piss sitting on the floor right in front of the toilet. Ruins my day. Obviously can't use that stall, your pants would just be sitting in piss. 

How does this even happen, are people sitting there taking a shit and peeing hands free? Did the piss just sneak up on them, like their dicks are numb and don't realize when urine is about to spill out? Boggles my mind. All I know is that if I'm ever in a stall and I notice this happening in the stall next to me, I'll wrap up my business as quickly as I can and just wait outside that stall to ridicule that person. What are they going to do, report me? "He vilified me after I pissed on the floor in the bathroom." Yea, I'm sure that'll fly in HR.

Shopping For Work Clothes is the Worst

Dressing Business Casual Sucks

Finally got to the point yesterday where I had to break down and buy a new rotation of work clothes, which is officially my nightmare. See, I'm not like a normal person who'll pick up a pair of pants or a shirt or two every once and again, I'm a bulk shopper, I go like once every 6-9 months, buy like 5 new shirts and a few pairs of pants (you can always have less pants than shirts, for whatever reason pants never seem to get dirty, yea you've got to wash them once in a while to get the stale Balls/Taint smell out, but they'll never get dirty).  Yesterday was that day for me, after going on an unprecedented streak of tearing holes through the elbows of 4 work shirts in a two week span, my options were finally getting limited, I spent yesterday morning trying on shirts from like 3 years ago (which only painfully highlighted the fact that my steady routine of overeating, drinking on the weekends, and my affinity for the couch, have in fact, left me out of shape. Odd, right?).

Bottom line, I went and blew two nights worth of bar tabs on clothes yesterday than I'll never wear outside of Monday-Friday during office hours. Never. That's the worst part of work clothes shopping, these are clothes I'd never be caught dead in outside of work.  If this blogging from home thing ever works out that'll easily be the biggest benefit, the money I save on work clothes alone would probably pay for private health insurance, just blogging in my boxers, maybe a robe, and that's it. Lunch time comes I could order in or throw on a pair of sweats or athletic shorts and pick up a McRib. That's the dream (shut up, I'm not making fun of your dream, leave mine alone, if I fantasize about wearing sweat pants and eating McRibs all day long, so be it). 

Basically my ideal wardrobe would be a few pairs of jeans, some t-shirts (nondescript, no hipster shit, no sparkles), some shorts, ample amount of sweat pants and athletic gear, and a couple of casual going out shirts (button down, maybe a stripe or checkered pattern, definitely no skulls, wings, naked girl silhouettes, or anything else anyone ever has called douchey).  Finally breaking free of the bonds of societal norms and getting rid of these slacks and overly dressy button down shirts that have no place outside the dog and pony show that is the office. That's my goal.

Strippers Making $2k a Night, Burger Flippers Making $15 an Hour, Do the Occupiers Know about North Dakota?

WILLISTON, N.D. (CNNMoney) -- Forget Vegas. Strippers are discovering they can make ten times as much dancing in the oil boomtown of Williston, N.D. Thousands of men have come here seeking high-paying jobs working for the oil companies. And, at the end of the day (or four or five days when they're working on a rig), many of them are looking for some female companionship at one of the town's two strip club's, Whispers or Heartbreakers. Word has gotten out about just how much money can be made dancing in Williston's strip clubs. The money is phenomenal, but the competition is stiff. Whispers has received applications from exotic dancers in Hawaii, Alaska, even the Czech Republic and Germany, said Melissa Slapnicka, the co-owner of the club. She's been bombarded with so many applications that she only gives each dancer a week to try out. If they don't work out, they don't come back, she said. At first, the nightly tips were nothing special, but over the past year -- thanks to the thousands of men who have flocked here and landed high-paying jobs -- she has been making $2,000 to $3,000 a night, about the same amount she would have earned in an entire week in Vegas.

I mean, do I need to move out to North Dakota? I've been reading about this place for a couple of weeks now and every story is more incredible than the last...Manual laborers raking $100k plus, burger flippers making $15 an hour, people buying trailer homes, towing them out there, and then renting them out for 1500-2k a month, and now strippers just rolling in more cash than they can make in Vegas or selling themselves in the sex trade in the Czech Republic.  North Dakota is officially the bizarro world.

It's to the point where I'm wondering if its worth it to take out a loan, buy two trailers, move there and rent one out and just blog from the other one. Has to be more profitable than what I'm doing now, no?

And has anyone told the Occupiers about this? That decent paying jobs are available if they're not to stubborn to put down their picket sign and move out of their comfort zone? I know, I know, that overpriced Liberal Arts degree you got at BC wasn't supposed to lead to a life of manual labor, stripping, or burger flipping, but where else are you going to make that kinda money?

Oh, whats that? You'd rather camp out in a tent and wait for someone to just make up a job you're qualified for that's closer to home and more suited to your interests? My bad, carry on.

Daily Occupy Boston Critique: Finally Forming A Message? Well Kinda, But They're in the Wrong Place

Finally, a few clear answers, lets break them down (of course after I break them down, someone from Occupy will contact me saying he doesn't speak for the movement, which is just becoming a terribly convenient defense anytime anyone questions anything happening with the Occupiers). 

1. Everyone is against the income inequality - Ok, what do you propose? I'll tell you what's not closing the gap, at least in Boston anyway, is camping out in tents. I'm not sure that your level of income has risen comparably to executives in the last month...typically jobs and further education help here (ok that was totally snarky, I know. I'm for finding a solution to this actually, but just repeatedly saying it, isn't helping, do you have any proposals? Proposals that'll be taken seriously by mainstream America, not the media, but regular American folks? You've been camping out operating a think tank for a month now, you should have a proposal). 

2. Regulating Wall Street - Ok...First, Wall Street is under far stricter regulations than they were three years ago...Secondly, they're not going to self regulate themselves, nor do you want them to...You're kinda protesting in the wrong place if that's the goal, maybe you want to try the state house or the Capitol Building.

3. Punish Wall Street Execs - For what? I'm on the record as hating that execs at bailed out companies profited from their bail out, so don't get me wrong here, I realize some shady underhanded business went on here, but the problem is, there was no law against it. The bailout was run horribly by your government, again this is something to bring to Capitol Hill...You're not going to retroactively punish execs for gaming a system that was theirs for the taking. Was it greedy of them to take advantage? Obviously. Would I have done the same thing? Absolutely. 

By the way, that myth is being perpetrated, because for every one level headed person like this, there are 5 nutjobs who look like they're just enjoying themselves hanging out protesting whatever came to mind that morning when the woke up. Maybe it's time for the movement to trim the fat?

Neo? You Escaped the Matrix to Join Occupy Boston?

Rear Window LED Light Boards Perfect for the Inner Road Rager in All of You!

YES, YES and YES! I'll take three just in case the first two don't work (if the third doesn't work I'll know I've been taken in some kind of internet get rich quick scam).

My only question though, can I reprogram it to read out whatever I want? Like yea, saying turning right, and turning left is pretty cool, but I need more. I need to feed the inner road rage. For peeps on my ass I need a simple "Fuck You, I'm Not Moving," to scroll by. When I pass someone that's been going epic-ly slow on the highway I want a simple "Move the Fuck Over Next Time." When being pulled over by the cops for having an LED message board where my rear window is supposed to be I want to have it say "Oh Fuck, My Bad," yea my LED board would swear alot. When I re-cut someone off out of spite after they've previously cut me off, I want "Karma's a Bitch." And finally, when stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, I want to be able to entertain my fellow drivers with messages like, "this blows," or, in the case of a car accident causing a traffic jam, "they better be dead up there."

Video seems to be having issues, you can view it here.