I'm Legit Afraid of Creeping on Linkedin

So I've never really been into Linkedin, I've had a profile, I get random network requests that I accept, but I've never really visited the site since I signed up for it a few years back, until recently when I started getting notifications that "someone has viewed my profile." 

"Oh, really? That's kind of convenient," I naively thought. 

Because it's not convenient, at all. Who would ever creep on someone on here if the person you're creeping on is going to be alerted to said creeping!? WHO? Like here I am trying to get my stalk on with some senior managers in my company and it just clicked..."SHIT...if I can see who's creeping on me, they can see that I'm creeping on them..." I've never deleted cookies faster, in a futile attempt to erase my path of creepage. 

I'm pretty sure it was to no avail, but it begs the bigger question...What is the point of a social network if you can't creep in private? Every other week some group of people is all up in a huff about Facebook or Google invading your privacy because all that public information you chose to share with complete strangers is now, being shared with complete strangers, and yet no one is upset about this? I didn't agree to have my stalking victims made aware of the fact that I'm absolutely an internet peeping tom, that shit is outrageous and a HUGE violation of my privacy.  Look, these people volunteered their information, they're openly listing their resume, skills, and job history online. If they didn't want me checking that stuff out they shouldn't have put it out there. Instead they're allowed to use it like a Venus freaking fly trap,  just sucking in Linkedin Novices like me. Can't wait for that conversation in the hallway this week..."Oh, hey Chris, saw that you were perusing my credentials at 12:30 am last Monday." That's all I need, thanks a lot Linkedin.

5 Year Old Finds Condom on the Playground, Blows it Up Like A Balloon

LITTLETON, Colo. -- A 5-year-old girl is getting ready to undergo a battery of tests after she found a condom on her school playground and thought it was a balloon. The condom was found in wood chips on the playground at Acres Green Elementary School in Littleton on Thursday. "One of my daughter's friends brought it over to my daughter and gave it to her as a gift," the father told 7NEWS. "At that point, my daughter attempted to blow it up." "The school went out as soon as they found out about it and went through the playground and did find a few other items, condoms, out on the playground," said Randy Barber, spokesman for the Douglas County School District.

While I hope the little girl is fine and didn't pick up the Herp or anything (that'll be hard to explain to future suitors once she hits the dating age), I can't help but laugh at the part where school officials went out and combed the playground after the fact and realized there were more condoms, GASP!

Guys, this isn't anything new...I was in 2nd grade like, 20 years ago (holy shit does that make me feel old) and this was going on.  I actually remember it clear as day, one of those random memories that sticks with you for some reason. It's like I knew that some how that goofy looking balloon like thing would some day play an important role in my life. Anyway, we were all playing Hit Spread (A form of spread where, when a player bobbles the ball on the catch, instead of trying to outrace the ball back to the wall, your opponents whip the ball as hard as they can at your back, it was by far our favorite game), and there it was...it was gross looking. My friend Jeff, who always seemed to know about these kind of things (he was allowed to watch Sweet Valley High and Saved by the Bell so he knew the most about high school stuff in our group) identified it instantly and said "Looks like someone did it last night." Me, in my 8 year old innocence had no idea what he was talking about, I chuckled and said something like "yea, right" and then we went back to playing, but I distinctly remember having no clue what he meant...Was it a dinner utensil? Why would someone be eating dinner out back of our school at night? Did what? What did they do? I honestly couldn't figure it out, didn't click for a couple more years until we started having health classes, then it was like "ohhhhh, they weren't eating back there, they were fucking!" 

Anyway,  my point is, this is nothing new really. I think more to the point the school might just want to lecture kids on not sticking anything they or their friends find on the ground, into their mouth. Even if it were a balloon that would still be wicked gross.

The Pope Just Walking Around, Offending Everyone He Can.

Doesn't look evil at all...

VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI on Saturday urged infertile couples to shun artificial procreation, decrying such methods as a form of arrogance. Speaking at the end of a three-day Vatican conference on diagnosing and treating infertility, Benedict also reiterated church teaching that marriage is the only permissible place to conceive children. Matrimony “constitutes the only 'place' worthy of the call to existence of a new human being" he said. The pope pressed the church ban against artificial procreation, saying infertile couples should refrain from any method to try to conceive other than sex between husband and wife. "The human and Christian dignity of procreation, in fact, doesn’t consist in a 'product,' but in its link to the conjugal act, an expression of the love of the spouses of their union, not only biological but also spiritual," Benedict said.

The Pope is...kind of a jackass. And I know that's going to offend some people, but frankly, if you're not offended by what the Pope is walking around saying then just know that I don't value your opinion on this subject, at all. 

Why? Because by the pope's logic, two teenage kids starring on an MTV reality show about teenagers getting knocked up, who decide to do the "right thing" by hosting a shotgun marriage and profiting wildly as they sign away the television rights are more worthy of procreation than any same sex couples who may be infinitely more mature and responsible, or even married couples who, though actively trying to procreate, just can't, so they turn to science...

Really Mr. Pope? That baby, the one born into trailer park trash high school parents who'll be broke as shit once this country gets over the novelty of teenage parents, who was born by MISTAKE, is better off than a couple of committed and caring parents who are trying everything they can to create a baby? That's assinine. 

And by that logic we should just stop all vaccinations, stop medical treatments altogether actually, do away with modern food processing, and all live a disease infested life of starvation...whoever God so chooses will survive though, right Pope...

Or...Or, you could get your head out of your ass, advocate against teen pregnancy, and support programs which lead to decreased rates of underage preggo's, and applaud responsible adults for creating a nurturing family, regardless of how they did it.

But that's just me, maybe I just have a little less hatred in my heart than the Pope, who knew?

The American Pie Gang is Back, it's the American Reunion!

I honestly couldn't be happier...and not just because they're back, but because it looks like they nailed this one. I mean, they even brought Stiffler back from being actually half retarded in American Wedding to just being a slightly dumb party animal again (and yes I'm pretending that slew of straight to DVD American "Fill in the Blanks", in which Jim's dad mentored a whole new generation of pervs, never happened)...In other words all is right in the world...One contention though...if the producers really wanted to go for accuracy they shouldn't have paid for Tara Reids lipo/surgery that she definitely had. This is 10 years after high school, there's always a few bloated messes who's best days are behind them, Tara was tailor made for that role and they blew it. 

But all in all, count me in for this. It's been a long time coming but I honestly don't think they could have spaced it any better for my generation. We were high school'ers when they were, we were college kids returning back at the same time they were, and now, we're a bunch of late 20-somethings with Facebook feeds blowing up with marriage proposals and baby announcements...and that one friend or two who hasn't seemed to grow up, who you know everyone else is living vicariously through their timeline photos...so it looks like this movie couldn't be more on point.