Man Dies After Falling Out Tour Bus' Bathroom Window Coming Home from Brewery Tour

SHIRLEY, Mass. -- A fall from a tour bus on Saturday night killed one man and left another critically injured, MyFoxBoston reports. Victims Thomas Johnson, of Gardner, and Seth Davis, of Winchendon, fell out of a bathroom window on the bus and onto the highway. Johnson was killed at the scene, while Davis remains in critical condition at UMASS Medical Center in Worcester, MyFoxBoston reports. The bus, run by Colonial Tours of Boston, was returning from the Red Hook Brewery in Portsmouth N.H. and was on its way to Gardner, Mass. No charges have been filed, but police believe alcohol is a contributing factor to the incident.

Police believe alcohol may have played a role? Christ, you think?  The bus was coming back from a brewery tour and two guys fell out of a window from the bus bathroom.  I'm fairly certain 9/10 this kind of accident is going to involve alcohol.

Aren't these busses supposed to increase public safety? Prevent drunk drivers? I have to think the bus company is partially to blame here.  I mean no drunk driver has ever fallen out of a bathroom window from their car, that's for damn sure.  What is the deal with even having a window in the bathroom anyway?  It's bad enough when you're trying to take a piss while balancing in a moving vehicle, a bit drunk from the beer tour you were just on.  Now  you've got to worry about covering up your junk so little kids in the back of the family minivan don't see you draining your hog? All the while worrying that one small bump the wrong way and you'll end up out the window? Sounds like the tour bus from hell if you asked me.  Think I'd take my chances driving on my own with all those variables in play.

North Andover Prom Shut Down Due to Pot Brownies

If you show up to Prom looking like this, you're doing something wrong.

NORTH ANDOVER (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The North Andover High School Junior Prom was shut down early on Friday night over concerns related to pot-laced brownies. During the prom four students got sick, and it was discovered that they had eaten pot-laced brownies before leaving the high school for the prom, which was held in Atkinson, N.H. Paramedics were called and three students to Lawrence General Hospital and were later released. Eleven students were eventually questioned about brownies. As a result, the prom was shut down an hour early, at 10 p.m. The school and some police officers determined that 19 brownies had been distributed by a student earlier in the day before arriving for the evening at the high school.

Tough weekend for kids just trying to party in Mass, huh? First like 50 of them get caught in some kind of dragnet operation at a house party and now this. A prom shut down early because of pot brownies? And only 19? Is that even a whole batch? Sounds like someones parents may have doobied a part of that try beforehand.

In fairness the kids have no one to blame but themselves. First of all, it shouldn't have been remotely possible for police to arrest 50 kids all at the same time.  Either the cops rolled in their with their finest battalion, swat style, or those kids forgot cardinal rule #1 for a house party, if someone yells cops, you run. You don't think, its just an instinct.

And as for these prom kids, I just don't know what they were thinking.  I guess this is what happens to teenage society when  you spend your Friday nights going to Cartoon movies, and ultra-dorky sci-fi/super hero movies.  See, in my day, when teens weren't total frigen losers apparently, we went and saw coming of age party movies about kids in high school...Then we went out and emulated them as best we could. 

Which is how we learned things like on prom night, go to prom sober, there'll be a huge party at Stifflers Mom's house after, plenty of time for drinking, smoking, hook-ups or whatever floats your boat afterwards. 

You don't pull that shit beforehand, shit never goes right in the movie for the kids who get wasted during the prom.  Inevitably the guy always ends up getting sick or busted and his chic ends up grinding on some other bro, usually in a letterman jacket. 

Luckily for North Andover this was only the Junior Prom, so there's time to make up for this with the Seniors.  I'm begging you Seniors, go out and rent as many teen-movies as possible in the next couple of weeks, get your shit together and stop embarrasing yourselves.

New Feature: Guess Who Caused This Car Accident

New running feature here at The Alt-Tab, since everyone knows that 3 types of people cause every car accident, I thought we'd make a game of it (and no we won't be featuring accidents where people have died, we have a limit).  It's plain and simple, watch the video or look at the picture and guess if the driver was:

A) A Teenager

B) The Elderly

C) A Drunk 

And the answer is...The Elderly, with Grandma taking the family sedan for a dip in the pool.  Congrats to the heroes here for rescuing Nana, I'm sure they were rewarded with a nice tray of baked ziti or some kind of casserole, standard gifts after  you save someone's life.

 PS: What ever company makes that pool cover just struck advertising gold. Strong enough to withhold a car and a senile grandma. You can't pay for better publicity.

Charlie Sheen Booed off Stage, Count This Blogger as Unsurprised

#Losing at a city near you!

Huffington Post - Charlie Sheen was heckled, booed and eventually abandoned by the crowd at his inaugural stage show, with many of the audience members chanting "refund" and heading for the exits even before the show abruptly ended. Winning? Not on opening night.   The first stop on Sheen's "My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option" 20-city variety show started Saturday night with thunderous applause but ended 70 minutes later. In between, Sheen tried to appease his audience with rants, a rapper and a question and answer session, ultimately concluding the first show was "an experiment." The former "Two and a Half Men" star learned firsthand at Detroit's 5,100-seat Fox Theatre that show business still requires a show. The debacle called into question the fate of the nascent tour. Some fans already predicted a premature end for the monthlong trek, which was scheduled to resume Sunday in Chicago. "No way" the show makes it through all the dates, said Bob Orlowski, a lawyer from Plymouth, Mich., who watched with six clients in a suite.
"He's not suited for this," said Orlowski, 46. "It wasn't funny."


Love to say I told you so, I totally told you so.  And good luck with that refund.  To all the idiots around here that bought tickets to his Boston show like the second they went on sale, you’re all frigen morons.  How could you honestly not sit back and wait two seconds to see if this all flames out (as it has).  Guy was #winning for about a 27 minute span over the course of 2 weeks.  It’s been all losing since.  Charlie failed to realize you can’t just be insane all the time 24 hours a day, no one finds that interesting.  We’re a morbid society, we find the initial fall and snap entertaining.  If you continue to berate us we’ll tune it out.  Same reason no one gives a shit about all the murdering, raping, scandals, and about 4 or so wars at last count that are going on in the nightly news.  We’re over saturated with it.  If Charlie really wanted to be popular he should have shut his mouth for a few weeks and then snapped, shut his mouth again, snapped. 

And spare me the "it was his first show, he's just experimenting," bullshit.  I'm sure the people who shelled out $100+ for a ticket aren't happy to know that he's just ironing out the kinks.

PS: I hear he did better in Chicago last night, which only means the intelligence level stereotyped by the old Chicago SuperFans skits on SNL was fairly accurate.

Over 50 Arrested at High School Party in Plainville, MA

PLAINVILLE (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Fifty-two people were arrested at an underage drinking party in Plainville on Friday night. One party-goer fled the scene and police have a warrant out for his arrest. Police came upon the party at around 10:30 p.m. after neighbors called to complain about several cars parked the wrong way on the street and blocking fire hydrants... In all, 53 people were at the party. Police say it was a "Business Hoes and CEOs" theme party, adding “several of the youths were dressed up in suits, ties, miniskirts, and other office type attire.” Forty-six of those were under 21. Two of them were juveniles (ages 15 and 16). The remaining were of legal age to drink alcohol. Officers found several full and empty beer bottles, hard liquor bottles, several keg cups, two beer pong tables set up in the living room, beer in the refrigerator, several empty coolers in the basement, two bongs in an upstairs bedroom, and a mason jar with a large amount of marijuana inside with a scale beside it.




What’s with kids these days, can’t just have age appropriate parties? You’re 15-18 years old you don’t need to be having corporate hoes and ceo’s parties.  What happened to “Drunk teenagers get together and see what kinda dumb shit we can do” parties. 

Trust me kids, don’t rush adult hood. I know it seems all glamorous. Dudes rocking power suits, girls in mini skirts, but it’s not like that at all. In reality you’ll probably bang into work rocking the same pair of pants you wore a few days ago and whatever color of the shirt rotation you’re on during the week. Girls will be older women with 2-3 kids who are miserable with the way their lives turned out. Dudes will have spare tire that come from washing away the days memories with a few beers each night.

If anyone should be having age based theme parties its us, working adults. Teenage themed parties. All congregate at one of our friends parents house that are retired and on vacation in florida, sneak a few kegs in the back door, park facing the wrong way on the street. Sneak away with your girl to “hook up” up stairs somewhere. Draw on your friends face when they pass out.  That's real fun.  Pretending you're in the middle of a board meeting is for losers and nerds. 


PS: Cops take teen parties these days seriously huh? In my days if the kids ran the cops said screw it collected the beer and called it a night. What’s with sending out arrest warrants? How do they even know who the kid is? His shitty friends rolled on him that quickly? Kids these days, no honor.

Mayor of Lawrence Thinks Someone's Out To Get Him, I Just Think He Lives in Lawrence.

My Fox Boston - Lawrence Mayor William Lantigua says someone tried to run him down with a car.
The mayor says he was along Common Street discussing plans for the Bell Building with Economic Development Director Patrick Blanchette when they noticed a vehicle circle the block twice and take pictures of them. That is when Mayor Lantigua says a silver Ford Focus or Fusion pulled out charging toward him. Lantigua says he filed a report with the Lawrence Police Department. Fox 25 obtained those documents. In them the Mayor describes what he calls a "deliberate attempt to hit him." He jumped out of the path of the car and both he and Blanchette took down a license plate number. "Plate number 788-EA3 Chief Romero checked the plate and it's non-existent," says the Mayor.


Saw the headline "Mayor Thinks Someone Out To Get Him" and immediately assumed it was Lawrence, didn't really even have to open the link.


Someone tell Mayor Willie to calm down a bit though.  It's frigen Lawrence, do you know how many people get nailed in hit  & run situations a day there? 12? 15?


It's nothing special, it's just the happenstance that comes with the territory when you live in a city with illegals racing around your neighborhood in 1994 Civics and Carollas like they're bumper cars. Crossing the street in Lawrence is like playing a round of Frogger, you've got to be nimble and alert. It's nothing personal, just a complete lack of regard for safety and rules of the road, lawlessness at its finest.

How Much Would You Pay for a 90 Sq Ft Apartment in Manhattan, New York?

Because this woman drops a cool $700 a month for a "microstudio."  I'd be down for $10 a day, which I assume is comparable to whatever the nearest seedy hotel charges hookers per night. Plus you don't have to suffer the indignities of living in a freaken closet.

Legit, I could live without the kitchen, I could probably take the cramped work space, and even adjust to the bed situation, pretend like a little fort or cave, take me right back to childhood.  I think I'd struggle with the lack of couch or recliner, but the right office chair can be just as comfortable for a price.

But you absolutely lost me at the bathroom situation.  No fucking way am I sitting sideways on the toilet bowl (1:45 mark).  Actual prisoners have a better bathroom situation than this apartment has.  Yea they may have to shit on an open bowl in front of their cell mate, but at the very least they can sit there comfortably, knees spread wide, maybe reading a nice leisurely magazine.   That ain't happening in this apartment, every deuce would be rushed and I'd hate to see how you have to contort yourself to wipe.  I'm just going to assume its unsanitary.  

So while you may be proud now to be an "Upper West Sider," I'll say you're about 3 months of uncomfortable shits from becoming one of those raving lunatics on the sidewalk warning of the apocalypse and repenting for Jesus. A bad bathroom situation will turn even the sanest into a crazy.