Alt-Tabs

Asians Pass Out Drunk on Job Interview - Last week, 4 young men – 2 of whom are due to graduate from university next year – in China’s southwestern metropolis of Chongqing were found passed out drunk on a popular city square after a boozy lunch with their leader-to-be...Eager to impress the boss, they competed in drinking more alcohol. In the end they were wasted. At first, they just sat on the ground chatting, but soon three of them lied down and passed out. The fourth guy leaned against a telephone pole, standing unsteadily, occasionally muttered some words out his mouth [sic] and shivered non-stop.

Typical Stereotypical asians.  Do they have 4 Loko over there as well?  If not then what the hell did these guys drink?
I also love how everyone stopped to gather around and look at these guys.  Shit like that just does not happen here.  There's probably 10-15 passed out people in or around Fanueil hall at any given time Thurs night through Sunday afternoon and no one ever stops to stare at them.


Tiger on Twitter - Yesterday, the voice of Tiger Woods hit Twitter for the first time and a flock of followers came to make sure everything Tiger says appears in their timeline. Woods told Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio and ESPN2 this morning that his interview, his piece in Newsweek and his Twitter feed was about reconnecting with his fans.

Yea, "reconnecting with his fans."  More like reconnecting with all the hoochies whose phone numbers he had to delete when Elin put his life and bank account in danger.  He was also quoted as saying he's "happier than ever" yesterday, I'm sure it has nothing to do with all the top shelf hookers that he's surely got following him.  The Alt-Tab is strongly considering breaking it's Twitter boycott just to follow Tigers hook-up trail.


HR Rep Loses His Shit - When the president of a company began e-mailing a prospective employee, neither of them thought it would end in a war of words...But when he looked over her resume he encountered what he told MyFoxDetroit.com was a ‘glaring misspelling.’ Otto sent her an e-mail suggesting she check her resume for spelling errors...Sinclair continued: "I still don't know who you are…your tag says that you're a president. You're a president of what? 'When I went to his website, there were no openings posted...Otto responded "Well, well. I do have several opportunities in human resources due to the fact that I've acquired several of my competitors. It is of no surprise why you're unemployed and your resume has misspellings. I'm confident it's representative of the shoddy work you put out. You come across as a spoiled, snotty little ‘bitch’ and I believe you probably needed to hear that for a long time."

Umm, what did this guy expect her reaction to be? You can't just go out of your way, make time in your presumably busy day and try and help someone get a job in a brutal job market without expecting them to come back at you with a bitchy attitude. Dude should've seen it coming.  Who does he think he is trying to give her job advice? Shes got plenty of experience applying for jobs, probably applied and got turned down 10 times in the past month, she knows what shes doing...Bitch.

Idaho Women Fall for the Old Breast Exam Scam - An Idaho judge has set bond at $100,000 for a Boise woman police say posed as a physician and duped at least two other women into having their breasts examined by her at Boise-area nightclubs...


Talk about a judge who is out of touch.  I know women are easily gullible and will believe just about anything after a drink or two but this is a bit too much. This isn't a guy lying about his profession, or telling them he's shipping off to war or to the Peace Corps to try and get laid.  There is just no way these women believed a Doctor set up shop at their local dive bar (yes it had to  be a dive bar, its Idaho, there isn't any other kind) and was performing breast examples in between slippery nipple shots.  Plus it was a woman doing the exams anyway.  Everyone knows women are allowed to grope other women at bars.  Its one of those unwritten rules of society.

Gripes of the Week

This was one of my favorite blogs to write, I'm bringing it back again this week. Basically I just keep track of things I'd usually gripe about to my friends and co-workers, spare them the agony, and share it with all of you.

Stories about 4 Loko - Got it, they're "dangerous." Except they're not.  I think its pretty clear at this point that college kids of today just can't hang with the college kids of my years.  Caffeinated alcohol has been around forever, these aren't anything new.  I used to pregame with a can of Sparks and a 40 oz of malt liquor, never saw me dying or crying that I needed to go to the hospital. Maybe we were just more hardcore, or maybe this next generation is made up of a bunch of sissy's.  Either way they've ruined it for the rest of us and future generations to come as Massachusetts is now banning all caffeinated alcoholic beverages (which won't stop me from enjoying a few VRB's this weekend (Vodka Redbulls, catchy right? Don't know how that isn't the accepted abbreviation yet). 

The Morning News - I'm watching it now.  It's 97.8% weather and traffic.  The other 2.2 is plugs for local businesses/musicians and some kind of public advisory piece (usually exercise or health food related).  I'm sure something had to have happened over night, its when all the criminals come out.  This is your chance to be fresh and keep me interested.  By the time I get home tonight at 7pm I'm going to have read all of the happenings from the previous day on the internet.  No need to watch your night time telecasts, they're not relevant.  If anything you should be doing puff pieces at night to help me forget about my day.  Leave the hardcore stories of murder, robbery and foreclosures in the morning when I'm still fresh and optimistic.  

Stories about Airport Scanners - Quit your bitching everyone. Travelers and TSA agents just STFU and go about your day.  Travelers- You don't want to be scanned, enjoy being groped, because you know what? I'd rather see you get molested than my ass blown up midair, but I'm funny that way.  TSA agents, stop poking the public with a stick, just take the complaints and go about your day. Every time you put out a press release you get the public more upset. Oh, and cut the shit about the images not being saved, its obviously not true, they're showing up online.  Just be honest.  I really don't care if people see a clear, silhouetted image of my body. Go for it, feel free.  There's plenty of porn out there on the internet that I can assume skeevy pervs would rather be looking at.

Three Vending Machine Related Gripes

1. Vending Machine Doesn't Drop- I'd say this happens to me at work 2 out of every 10 times leading to a rage on par with any driving experience.  Shake, kick, grab the office anorexic and see if their arm can reach high enough to grab my peanut m&m's, I've tried it all. None of it works. This is like the frigen bear trap of vending machines.  And obviously the maintence and cafe people don't maintain the vending machine, its an outside supplier.  Great, so my only option is feeding the machine more money and buying two items, because there's no way in hell I'm letting some other schmuck get a 2 for 1 deal.  Ruins my day every time.
2. Selecting the Wrong Item from The Vending Machine - Rare but when it happens you just have to slump your shoulders and mope back to your cube (or waiting room I guess, depending on where you are).  About twice a year I select a MilkyWay by mistake when going for a Snickers.  How about stop putting these two next to each other, they look too similar, a quick look without a double take and its easy to confuse them...until you bite into them.  MilkyWay's are like the welfare version of Snickers.  Were Peanuts just too costly? Unless there's a food allergy reason I can't believe anyone ever willingly buys a MilkWay. In fact I'd venture to say that 75-80% of their global sales are due to Snickers confusion (By the way to take the welfare analogy one step further, the 3 Musketeers bar is the homeless person of the candy bar community, just awful, and I feel like giving people my spare change whenever I see them somberly eating one of these minimalist treats).
3. When Vending Machine Prices Get Jacked Up - In the past two years the average candy in my office has gone from $.60 to one dollar with chips going for $1.10.  Look, I was upset when prices jumped up to a dollar for a non-king size candy bar, it just seemed odd that the vending industry is facing 45% inflation rates.  But $1.10 for chips and crackers?  What the fuck? Who brings an extra dime to the break room.  Don't we all just grab a dollar and make our way over?  Now I have to decide between whether to walk back, grab a dime and then have everyone see me go back to the machine and think I'm getting two things, Or, hang around and try and mooch a dime off someone I go out of my way to avoid and ignore every other day of the week.  This pisses me off to no end.

Super Hipster

Some how this isn't the outfit I'd expect for this big of an asshole. I was looking for something like exaggerated flood pants, suspenders, a corn cob pipe, white t-shirt, and a scaly cap to boot.  Maybe throw in a handle bar mustache for kicks.  This douche just looks like a Bono impersonator.  Much too modern and mainstream, probably wants to kill himself when he looked in mirror for conforming too close to societies ideals.