Alarm Clock Anxiety

Anyone else have a severe case of alarm clock anxiety?  I literally have to face mine against the wall to avoid seeing the time during the night.  If I wake up to take a piss at 4 am and see the time its all over for me, might as well go put on a pot of coffee and start blogging because I am not falling back asleep.  There's been nights I've decided to hold it and risk wetting the bed over getting up to take a piss just out of pure fear that I'll slip up and see a clock.  Its ridiculous.  

Wasn't always this way, the old days I used to relish it, I'd see the clock at 6 AM and would be psyched about the two more hours of sleep I had left.  But the past few years of dreading each day working in a cube has ruined even sleep for me.  I see that clock and my heart starts pounding, mind racing, doing the math to figure out how long I have until I have to go back to my miserable existence as desk donkey.  Shit sucks.  

So thanks corporate job, you've robbed me of the joy of sleep.  Even the most depressed saps in the world still love sleeping, I can't even have that?  It's just too cruel sometimes. 

Over Heard At The Office

Some people just don't realize when they're too old to act like they're in their 20's.  Take this story I'm listening to, some woman rambling on and on, just driving me crazy, between the terrible mental images and the anger at her complete lack of consideration for those around her.

This is a late 30's age woman, mother of two, this isn't a cougar, just a plane Jane mom. She was apparently out on the town with her girl friends this past Friday, probably for the first time in years given this story.  She's over here recapping the nights events like a 21 or 22 year old kid who still relishes rehashing the prior nights events in blow by blow fashion.  Grow up.  No one wants to hear about how your friend stripped your shirt down at the bar, or about the two of you dirty dancing on the floor, frankly its appalling to think about (she wondered why everyone was looking at them funny b/c girls dance together all the time...yea when they're in their 20's, not when you should be home preparing hamburger helper for your kids).  I'm not saying you need to stop having fun later in life, but its got to be age appropriate fun, and you have to realize that the others around you don't want to hear it.  Just makes us realize we'll be that old and pathetic years from now. Thanks for making this day worse than it had to be.

Big Bens Big Nose Busted

 

Say what you want about Ben Roethlisberger, he rapes chicks, drives drunk, rides motorcycles and crashes them even though its prohibited in his contract, oh and rapes more chicks, but the guy is one tough bastard.  That nose is more crooked than the FIFA committee responsible for location bids (OH, hello joke that's about 5 days too late!) and he still finished the game.  And that's what makes me nervous.

Ladies of the Pittsburgh area, we here at The Alt-Tab are urging you to be on your guard for the next couple of months.  If Big Ben had to resort to assaulting chicks before, its only going to be worse now that his nose looks like a silly straw.  Please try as hard as possible to avoid pubs, dive bars, and seedy lounges (presumably Big Ben's type of establishments) at least until the off season when he has a chance to get this fixed.

Favre to Manning, Passing of the Torch

If this is the end for Favre (and God I hope it is) there's never been a better time for him to go and pass on the torch.  The guy has been putting off retirement for years now, I doubt this is the way he wants to go out.  Not to mention that he's going home to a wife that has every right to go all "Tiger Woods' Wife Crazy" on him.  Wouldn't be surprised if he dressed next week and took the NFL punishment just to avoid the furry that awaits him back home, but its time. Never has he had such a worthy successor to his throne.

What throne? The one where you're known as a gunslinger, a gamer, a guy just trying to win and have fun.  Where no matter how many times you snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, football media types will ignore your failures and keep their lips firmly locked around your junk.

Of course I'm talking about Peyton Manning.  Long has he been chasing all of Favre's records, its about time he starts working on the not so glamorous ones as well (ints, incompletes, times losing a game on all your own, and I presume interceptions for touchdowns).  Manning has been doing his best audition these past 3 weeks (11 ints, 4 for touchdowns, 3 games lost as a direct result to his failures), and now it looks like he may have to step into the role for real.  Is he ready? You betcha.  With either a complete lack of a running game, or the ignorance to realize you have to attempt runs to keep the D honest, we're finally seeing what would happened to Peyton if he was on a normal team with normal weapons (kind of like what TB has put up with for pretty much all of his career).  And I understand that a running game is important, but the Patriots won two superbowls with Antowain Smith, you're telling me he's a better option than what Indy has been trotting out there.  I doubt it.  More likely Petyon has finally lost his nerve and decided to trust only himself, something you cannot do, in The National Football League.  I'm not saying we won't see classic Peyton on occasion, but I'm definitely anticipating more and more horrendous games from America's favorite pitchman.  

PS: Antowain Smith has a Wiki page?   Should the CW have one? He can't be that much more famous, must have created it himself, right?

An Honor Roll Student Tragedy.

Judging by what looks to be a minivan I'd say you got knocked up way too young and had to give up on your life.

...If that's a PT Cruiser (and I'm now fairly certain it is) then that changes everything.  Not only did you get knocked up too early but you also married the guy, who happened to be a mall kiosk salesman and is a sucker for get quick rich pyramid schemes.  Explaining why you drive a vehicle that can only be described as worse than a mini van.