Austin Texas To Allowing Vigilante Parking Tickets to Be Issued

Dickhead

The Newspaper - Residents of Austin, Texas may soon have the power to issue parking tickets by taking a few photographs of someone else's car with their smartphones. A unanimous council voted on October 20 to explore the concept of deputizing vigilante meter maids using an iPhone app. Disabled advocates pushed the program at the council meeting in the hopes of guaranteeing easier parking. They were joined by others who were just interested in writing the $511 tickets. "I am a community policer from way back," one resident said at the meeting. "I'm also one of the first code compliance volunteers in my neighborhood... Low income people like me can't even afford a cell phone, so I think if you're going to allow this you should also expand this ordinance to include the ability of the police department and code compliance to purchase smartphones for their volunteers."

This simultaneously titillates me and horrifies me. I mean, I get infuriated when I see some jackass park his car like a total dickhead, taking up two spots, halfway in-halfway out, hugging the line so much that you have to go on a diet to get in and out of your car...It all angers the shit out of me...Like it's no wonder stores like Target and Stop n' Shop have those self blood pressure check machines at the doors, it's so people like me can calm themselves from the verge of a heart attack after dealing with the jackass parking situation in most parking lots...but I digress.

So yes, a part of me would absolutely love this, but the other half of me detests this idea, and its because of people like the one resident who offered up this beauty of a quote "I am a community policer from way back," one resident said at the meeting. "I'm also one of the first code compliance volunteers in my neighborhood."....You're an asshole.  This is the kind of person that sees a car parked illegally and phones it in to the police, or worse yet leaves a piece of paper with a note on your windshield. I'd kick this person in the nuts/ovaries if I ever saw them...Everyone illegally parks from time to time, it's the people who park like assholes we should be after, not the person who on occasion blocks a bus lane or fire hydrant because they're running into Dunks and the Dunks on Main Street unfathomably only has two fucking parking spots so every morning its a battle royal to try and snag one so I can get my coffee so that by the time I get to work I'm not a homicidal maniac...but I digress again. 

Bottom line, if you're going to do this you need clear and specific rules, and you need to screen for d-bags before allowing them to take part in this. Also, if I'm out there doing the work for meter maids, who have a tit job to begin with, you best believe I want a part of the cut...If you're writing up $511 (and how they came to that number I have no idea) tickets for handicap violators, I want at least $200. Completely serious, I'm not going to do your job for you and not get a cut of the profits, that's horseshit.

This October Snow Storm just Embrarrassing the Crap Out of Massachusetts

FRAMINGHAM -- Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick today urged patience as hundreds of thousands of utility customers in the state waited for their power to be restored after an unusually early nor’easter over the weekend that dumped as much as 30 inches of heavy, wet snow in some areas. Patrick said utility crews were “making progress” but there was “a lot more to do and a few days yet before power will be restored to everyone.”More than 519,000 customers were without electricity at mid-morning, but by the late afternoon, the number of power outages had dropped to around 460,000. Late in the afternoon, Patrick, who had declared a state of emergency Saturday night and mobilized National Guard troops, signed a letter to the White House requesting an emergency declaration that would allow federal storm relief funds to flow to local governments, said Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency spokesman Peter judge.

Jesus this is embarrassing, we get like 5-6 storms like this a season in Massachusetts, do we really need to be calling for federal storm relief in October? Seems a bit premature, come January the White House is going to be treating Deval like the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Like, "hey, sorry Deval but you fooled us back in October and November with that fluke snow storm you got, we're not falling for that shit again."

Guys, it snows here all the time, and this wasn't some freak, unexpected storm, they'd been predicting it for a week, how about a little preparedness. Yea, I know it was still October, doesn't mean you ignore every weather prognostication out there, lest you want to end up stranded on the Flemish Caps with Mark Wahlberg and George Clooney, I suggest you take the weather man's advice. Seriously, have the plows ready, have the tree crews ready, and get this shit fixed. Shit, give those Occupiers something to do and give them the keys to a plow truck or something, put them to work so they'll shut up for a week or so but lets get this shit done instead of crying to Washington because it snowed in New England, the novely of it, huh?

And this isn't all to the state either, if I hear one more complaint about all the food people just bought going bad in the fridge I'll lose it...I understand some people went out shopping in earnest, just did their weekly shopping and now that food is ruined (unless you were smart enough to load a cooler or two with ice and stick it outside). But for the rest of the assholes who spent Saturday in Stop n' Shop loading up on everything under the sun because a snow storm was coming, only to see all that food spoil during the ensuing black out, well the jokes on you...Stop stocking up on everything whenever its threatening to snow! It makes no sense. You buy all this shit, and outside of water and a couple canned goods, you can't even keep it fresh, do you see the irony here? Do you?

Weatherman Sees Thunder Snow for the 4th Time!

SOMEONE CALL THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS!

Damnit, I really missed my calling, this video just rubs it in. I took 3 weather related classes in college to fulfill my science credits, I get irrationally excited about various weather conditions, and no one, I mean no one, gets more jacked up for Thunder snow than me...not even you Jim Cantore.

Last week, at the very same time Jim was going ham during a live shot (way to keep it professional Jim), I was driving, saw thunder snow, heard the lightning, and literally pulled my car into a parking lot to tweet it. It couldn't wait, I was too damn excited, probably would have peed myself if I didn't release my excitement via twitter, don't believe me, look, first one's me exclaiming the presence of the Thunder Snow, second one is me conferring with a fellow reveler. 

All the while I'm pulled over in some parking lot on the side of the road, completely off track for the McRib I had headed out for. So you'll understand why I'm a little upset here that Jim Cantore is literally (and figuratively) stealing my thunder here. The guy has my job and I didn't even know it until now. I mean how much more training could he have really had than me? Are there more than 3 weather classes in college? I feel like they forgot to give me a minor in weather for all my hard work plotting hurricanes and memorizing cloud formations. I could have gone on to a whole other career, a TV weather man with a weather blog that would be absolute fire.

Jet Blue Passengers Stranded on Plane for 8 Hours Sunday, Without The NFL Sunday Ticket

JetBlue plane stranded on tarmac for 7 hours: MyFoxBOSTON.com

CONNECTICUT (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The U.S. Department of Transportation has launched an investigation into reports that JetBlue and American Airline passengers sat for hours on planes stranded at Bradley International Airport outside Hartford, Conn. Passengers on JetBlue Flight 504 said they sat on the tarmac for more than seven hours waiting for fuel, despite repeated requests from the captain for a tow to a gate. According to recordings posted on the website LIVEATC.NET, the captain of flight 504 told air traffic controllers, "I have a paraplegic on board that needs to come off. I have a diabetic on here that's got an issue... a list of things, I just got to get some help." The JetBlue pilot is also heard criticizing his own carrier for not bringing help sooner. "Look, you know, we can't seem to get any help from our own company... I apologize for this, but is there any way you can get a tug and a tow bar out here to us and get us get us towed somewhere to a gate or something. I don't care, take us anywhere," the captain said.

Wow. Freaking A' Jet Blue, huh? 8 Hours? I mean I know you've got Direct TV on there, but the programming aint that good, you don't even have the Sunday Ticket. 

I'm not even kidding, I'd rather be dead than sitting on a tarmac with a bunch of asshole strangers for 8 hours, crying babies just belting out screams, undoubtedly a smelly foreigner or two, that guy who calls out to the flight attendants every 20 minutes asking how long it's going to be...Just open the freaking doors guys, don't those inflatable slides just pop right out? I'll take my chance dodging planes and those luggage carriers, but get me the hell off the plane. 

In all seriousness though, a refund Jet Blue? That's what ya got? What in the hell makes you think any of these people are ever flying your airline again? I like you Jet Blue, I really do, but a refund, come on...How about like a refund plus a free round trip flight, you just ruined 8 hours of every one's lives, I'd say you owe them 8 hours of free flights.