Lebron being Lebron

Which is to say bitching like a little girl as usual.  I'll tell you what you should do, shut the fuck up.  This guy and his people honestly have no idea.  Opening night should have been a big enough event, he could have came out, played ball, showed a no-nonsense attitude and commitment to winning and shit would have eventually died down. Let your actions do your talking, and let your gigantic ego rest for a night.  Would have been smart right?  Well maybe Lebron should have went to college for a year or so, or at least whoever handles his PR.  Honestly, no one at Nike batted an eye at the release of an over the top narcissistic montage for an already embattled personality?  They really thought an inside window into Lebron's mind (which apparenlty operates at a 5 year olds intelligence level, egocentric, bitches about perceived slights to any one who will listen, and takes the blame for nothing) is what would win the public back?  Epic fail.  I'll come up with 3 better commercials for "re-introducing Lebron" right now:

1. Release "grainy" home shot footage of Lebron working on his game this summer (which admittedly might be hard to find with all the time he spent partying and patting himself on the back). Have background voices from sports commentators playing in the background discussing his decision, have Lebron say something about motivation or having a lot to prove, and cut to a shot of him swishing a turn around. 

2. Light hearted series of commercials showing Lebron, Wade, and Bosh running half court games with various neighborhood kids, or against a trio of former nba legends. Hijinks and hilarity ensue, makes us realize we'd choose playing pick up with our friends in his situation as well.

3. Standard Nike black and white dramatic commercial, inspirational instrumental music accompanying the background. Video of Lebron as a youth on youth teams celebrating with his friends after victory, footage of lebron on aau teams celebrating victory with his friends, video of lebron on his highschool team celebrating victory with his friends (getting the theme here), and end with a shot of this picture.  

Basically anythign to play up that he chose a team, playing with friends, and winning over showcasing his outsized ego would have won me over.  Get used to those Hate Tweets Lebron, its going to be a long season.  

PS: If Nike steals any of those golden ideas I'm suing.

Double PS: GO CELTS

Tackling the Hand Washing Issue

Cold season is upon us, and the constant advice you will hear from doctors and friends it to keep washing your hands. Everyone claims they do, but do they really? A recent study found that although most people claim to wash their hands after dirty activities, when you observe them in person, the story (especially for men) is a little different.

Look, we all know men wash their hands less than women, its a given.  We're a disgusting group of people, we didn't need a scientific study to realize that.  Just last night I used my t-shirt as a face cloth and my pant legs as napkins, I readily admit that we're slobs.  Yes, those of us who choose not to wash their hands (myself not included in this group) are gross, but I don't take issue with these people.  Would I shake their hands? Hell no.  But at least they're honest about being hygenically-retarded. 

My issue is with the people in the bathroom that run their hands under the water for 1.3 miliseconds just for show so they can claim to be clean.  These guys are the truly scary fucks of society.  What kind of mental state do you have to be in where you go around spreading your filth all the while justifying it in your own mind because you splashed some water on yourself?  Just a sick, sick thought process. 

Someone needs to start a public forum to out these unstable individuals, similar to the sex offender registry, before we're all victimized with piss and poo-particle covered hands.  It's time to take a stand.

Bible.com Owners Ripping Off the Collection Plate

WILMINGTON, Delaware (Reuters) – A shareholder of Bible.com Inc sued the company's board members, accusing the ordained ministers of failing to profit from the "goldmine" potential of the namesake Internet property, according to a lawsuit.  James Solakian filed the lawsuit in Delaware's Chancery Court against the board of Bible.com for breaching their duty by refusing to sell the site or run the company in a profitable way.

The lawsuit cites a valuation done by a potential purchaser that estimated bible.com could be worth more than dictionary.com, which recently sold for more than $100 million...The company's business plan stated "it is the goal of the board of directors of Bible.com to become very, very profitable," according to court documents. The business was also to be governed in accordance with Christian business principles....Bible.com currently features a crowded mix of advertisements as well as a verse of the day -- "Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong" -- and offers links for Biblical answers to questions on voting and masturbation.

Where do I start?  I guess with the fact that Bible.com is being run by people more amateurish than yours truly.  I visited the site for the first time today and I'd say James Solakian has every right to be pissed off, he was swindled.  I don't know who was in debt to him for 400k but I can assure you that the site as it is now isn't worth more than the $60 I paid for this site.  No Alt-Tabs, no angry rants, no life lessons on how to deal with corporate life.  Just a quote of the day and a shit load of advertisements.  Nothing like the pop-up holograms of Jesus and God, or web-cam chats with the Pope that I was expecting.  It's almost like the site took the same vow of poverty that priests and nuns take (well except those rich black pastors, or mega-church quasi ministers)

And who wrote their business plan? "Goal to become very, very profitable" Who in hell (pun intended) approved their loan based on that?  6th grade alter boys could have written a more appropriate business plan. I know you're waiting to see if I follow that up with an alter boy joke.  I'd like to but I'm fearful of lightning strikes.  

Finally, I can't miss the last line offering links for Biblical answers on voting and masturbation.  Simply amazing.  A site that could be visible to billions, an unbelievable source of funding for charities around the world, has instead elected to lecture us on jacking off and election rigging.  Perfect.

I wonder if anyone can get me James Solakian's contact info.  We could use an investor or two, and his lack of business savvy would seem to fit right in over here at Alt-Tabs.