The Future As Pictured 100 Years Ago Taking You Into the Weekend.

In 100 years, what will the world look like? Will we be driving on the surface of Mars and every pair of sunglasses include holographic movie screens? These vintage French illustrations from 1910 imagined what the world would look like in the year 2000. Some ideas, like a teacher electrically pumping knowledge into student brains, are still pretty far off in the future. Other predictions however, hit pretty close to home (check out the projector screen video phone below!). One wonders, what will our predictions look like after the next 100 years?

Stumbled across this blog yesterday, basically it's some French artists impressions of what he thought the early 2000's would be like, from his vantage point 100 years ago. 

To sum up, he thought we'd be flying by now. In just about every walk of life.  Check out the link above for all the drawings, but suffice to say, one of them is an old wooden sea ship that's been suited with twin blimps so it can fly along a few feet off the water.  

Check out my man above, just cruising by in his cardboard hang glilder for a glass of wine.  Umm, hey guy it's bad enough you're drinking while flying, but may be keep your eyes on the sky and your hands on the steering wheel?  Doesn't take someone from the future such as myself to tell you that pilot is headed for disaster. 

But this really got me thinking, every decade people dream of a future with personal flying devices, but do we every get any closer? Not really.  Why is that? This is something people have dreamed about for centuries now, yet our best and most clever engineering minds haven't been able to pull it off yet?  Are we even working on this, or just ignoring our dreams in pursuit of more practical endeavors?

Why is this being put on the back burner in favor of green technology and IPads.  Hey Steve Jobs, instead of sticking a couple cameras on the old Ipad and calling it new how about you work on something truly revolutionary? A flying Ipod.  Yea I'm putting this right on Steve.  If anyone simultaneously smart enough and creative enough to get it done it's Jobs.  I've never owned an Apple product in my life but I'll go on record as saying if he manages to create a flying Ipod, I'll be on board.

By the way what is the thought here? We've got nothing short of a dozen or so flying vehicles and for some reason our armies are forced to pedal around on some sort of armored bicycle? How can you consider this artist a visionary after seeing this?  He literally could have went out the day after painting this and invented it. It's a bike with an armored shield, there's nothing technical here. What a fraud.

Snake Bites Boob (Vid Inside) "THE TITTY"

LOVE how the camera guy is clearly worried about the talent here, I can't quite understand his foreign language but this much is clear:

Camera Man: AHHHHH (Garbled Euro Word) THE TITTY!

This guy knows what's paying his bills and its clearly not this broads busted face.  She's here for two reason, actually 3.  One, she's desperate enough to do a photo shoot with a bunch of guys watching her make out with a snake.  As for 2 and 3, I think you know what those are.

I just hope the snake doesn't end up with silicon poisoning.

Mazda Recalls 50,000+ Cars Due To Spider Problem

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- Mazda is recalling about 52,000 Mazda6 sedans in the U.S., because yellow sac spiders like to build their nests in part of the fuel system..."A certain type of spider may weave a web in the evaporative canister vent line and this may cause a restriction of the line," Mazda said in a letter to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

And there goes any chance Mazda ever had of getting me in one of their vehicles.  I can't imagine a more frightening environment than being trapped in my car in rush hour, bumper-bumper traffic, with thousands of spiders spilling out the air conditioning vents.  I wouldn't even have to wait for one to crawl on me, I'd abandon that car on spot, probably just walk the side of the highway until I could get a ride. Everyone knows Spiders are the hungriest when they first hatch, no frigen way am I sticking around as they all come pouring out for the first time, hungry for their first taste of human blood.

Yea, that's right, I'd rather abandon my vehicle and become a hitch hiker than be driving in a car with a spider infestation that may or may not feed on human blood.  

In fact I'll go on record as saying I'd rather take my chances with one of those Toyota's with the accelerator problem than a car with arachnids breeding in my heating vent.  A head on collision because I can't brake seems like a dream compared to having your entire body enveloped by 8 legged insects. Just a disgusting, disgusting thought.

Quick Guide to Elevator Courtesy

Significantly less awkward than an elevator ride in my office.

Serious question, when did human beings forget how to act and behave when boarding/riding a goddamn elevator?  Did everyone just decide like 6 months back that we were going to abandon decades old standards and just live in a world of absolute anarcy? Because I sure as shit didn't get the memo.  Nonetheless mofo's at my office have been wreaking havoc on my morning elevator rides. And yea, I will cry about it, I don't feel like walking up the stairs when I'm half awake and just starting another day of punishment. So lets go over a few basic guidelines.

Waiting for the Elevator: 

Back the fuck up from the door.  People will be exiting the elevator, you've seen this happen before, it's nothing new. Just let them exit without doing the matador dance and doing the awkward "apology with out making eye contact" move.  

Entering the Elevator:

You're not going to be late if you hold the door for the guy you see speed walking to the elevator doors, don't be a prick and jam the close door buttons.  There's a special circle in hell for the people who close the doors knowing someone else is coming. I hope you burn for eternity.  Conversely, if you see an elevator is pretty packed, but can maybe fit one more, just take a pass.  Another one will be down in like .25 seconds.  Does packing in dick-to-ass in a steel box seem like a good time? Didn't think so.  Finally, slide in! Everyone knows the order, first person in all the way to the corner in the right, and everyone follows from there.  Don't be the dick who feels the need to stand right in the door way while the rest of us get on.  I will accidentally knee you in the groin if you do this.  

Riding the Elevator:

Hang up the god damned phone.  You know what's going to happen. You're going to warn the person you're about to lose them and then spend the next 10 seconds saying "hello? Leslie? hello? Must have lost you, bye." Just don't do it, wrap it up before hand.  

Additionally, if you're getting off on the second floor, everyone on the elevator has the legal right to punch you in the back of your head while you exit.  If you're that fat and lazy, maybe a set of stairs wouldn't be such a bad thing.  It's like 20 stairs, I think your lardass heart can handle it. 

Exiting the Elevator:

Real simple, first in, last out.  How much of a rush do you have to be to try and jump the order of the elevator exit.  And guys, I know you want to act like a gentleman and let the lady off first, but don't.  Don't awkwardly shuffle out of the way and bump into my personal space just so you can let the girl off first.  You're not going to get laid because you were chivalrous in the elevator, I think she'll understand if you exit first, it's just the natural order of things. 

So that's it, take a good look, get comfortable with the rules, and go out there and start acting like civilized human beings again. 

Inappropriate Guess on Game Show, Pat Sajak Would Love it (video)

Apparently vulgar sexual terms are a universal language? Because I didn't understand a word these guys were saying but you sure as hell couldn't miss this guys guess.  

And is this what all game shows are like in Romania?  Just trivia based games revolving around pornographic terminology? And they show this on TV? Awesome.  

You know who'd be on board with this? Pat Sajack.  Guy has been chafing under the FCC and the conservative rule of game show decorum for decades now on Wheel of Fortune.  Pat would jump in an instant to a show that allowed his contestants to throw out sexual guesses and dirty words, hell he'd probably drop personal anecdotes about the first time he gave Vanna the shocker, or the threesomes with midget contestants he's surely had.  

You know who would not approve? Alex Trebek, because he's Canadian.

How Unrealistic Is BYU's Honor Code

You're one step closer...And I'm now probably one step closer to being shut down.

So by now everyone's heard about BYU Brandon Davies dismissal from the 3rd ranked BYU basketball team for premarital boinking, apparently a violation of the Mormon schools honor code.  I had every intention of blogging this yesterday but just got side tracked, and since rehashing it a day late couldn't be lamer, I'm just going to go a different route.  I decided to think back and track how many of the schools Honor Code Standards I break on a normal day. A complete list of the code can be found here, but for the purposes of this blog, a quick run down:

• Abstinence from drugs, alcohol, tobacco, coffee, and tea
• Honesty
• Encouraging others to keep the Honor Code
• Living a chaste life (no porn or indecent material,premarital sex, homosexual behavior)
• Obey the law
• Active participation in church
• Respect for others
• Clean Language
• Following Residential Living Standards
• Dress and grooming standards (clean shaven)
• No guns on campush (seems out of place but its on there) 

So what did I find? I found that I break about 95% of these laws by the time I'm done breakfast, and I'm not exagerrating, lets count them:

7:45 AM - Wake up, next to my girlfriend I live with, yep we're "living in sin" (1), swear at alarm clock (2), not exactly encouraging my girlfriend not to sleep in the same bed as me so there goes encouraging others (3), actively participating in church couldn't be further from my mind (4), have a cup of coffee (5) respect others, HA, have you been reading my blog?(6), my morning blog homework sometimes involves me stumbling across indecent and pornographic material, can't help it, the internet is an evil place (7), and finally, I only shave for work twice a week (8).

Boom, 8 down and I haven't even left my apartment yet.  Usually grab a bagel or sandwich on the way at Dunks, this often times involves me parking illegally in front of fire hydrants or in handicap spots (9).  Get to work, tell my client the reason they can't find the report they're looking for is due to technical reasons, a lie (10).  

And we're done, I can bang out 10 out of the 11 honor code violations before 10:30 AM during my average day.  The only thing stopping me from hammering out all 11 is the fact that I'm about as far from a gun nut as you can possibly get, and apparently the Mormons are too, which we should all be thankful for.  I may not agree with much of the Mormon way of life, but it seems we both agree that religious zealots and gun enthusiasts are a terrible combination.

...that should be the one that wipes out any Mormon readers I happened to have.

Abandoned Puppy Rises from the Dead, All of a Sudden Everyone and My Uncle Want to Adopt It

Fox News - The puppy was left outside a dog shelter in Sulphur, Okla., with the rest of his litter. They were sick when they were found, so a vet at the shelter decided to euthanize them. The procedures were performed, and then the puppies were put in a trash bin outside the shelter. But when animal control officer Scott Prall took a peek inside the container the next morning, one puppy was very much alive. "He was just as healthy as could be," Prall told Oklahoma News 9. When a woman in Pennsylvania heard WALL-E's incredible story, she wrote about him on Facebook, prompting people from all over the U.S. to call the veterinary clinic and offer him a home.

What is wrong with people? Really? It takes an innocent abandoned puppy being put to sleep, only to rise from the dead for 1000's of people to line up to adopt the dog.  Hey guys, you didn't want a dog yesterday, what changed? Doesn't have anything to do with being complete fame whores does it?  Tell me American's can't be that shallow.  

It never ceases to amaze me every time a sob story about an animal makes the news the rescue shelters end up getting more email responses than their servers can handle.  Where the hell are these people the rest of the year?  If I were these animal shelters I'd be setting up fake news blogs and sending phony stories to morning news programs left and right.  There's nothing morning news anchors love more than a cute animal with a heartbreaking tale.  It's like heroin for their target audience.  Just pure ratings gold.  

I almost feel like writing a blog today about how I found a litter of kittens in my parking lot after they'd been thrown from a moving car.  I'm 90% certain that would result in more hits in a day than I've accumulated since I founded this fledgling blog. 

Little Kid Curses Out Camera Man (vid inside)

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Todays Big Thing.

You're Hired! Someone get me that kids contact information and find out if he knows how to read and write yet. Actually screw it, sticking a mouth like that behind a keyboard and screen would be a grave injustice.  I'll just stick a camera man on him and have him go around in public cursing up a storm.  Just filming viral videos where ever we go. That'll put The Tab on the map, because sharing my links on the Twitter and every other social site I come across sure as shit isn't blowing this site up.