Why You Shouldn’t Gamble: Volume 36

Like a true degenerate, I subscribe to the cable package that has ESPNU, so last night I monitored my 2 posted wagers by watching the Georgia/Tennessee game on TV and following the Georgetown/Seton Hall game online. As the 2nd halves progressed, UGA and the Vols were going back and forth, while The Hall (getting 4) started to take control and led for most of the 2nd half. At this point I figured I was looking at a split, at worst, with the shot that Georgia covered in regulation or OT…especially with Tennessee having some crucial players in foul trouble.

Well, a few minutes later that picture above happened. That Bison Dele look-alike got away with a blatant over the back (which would have fouled him out), ripped a rebound away from a Georgia player, and hit a jumper as time expired…all in one motion and probably the most athletic thing he’s ever done in his life (look, #3 on Georgia agrees). A crushing buzzer-beating loss, but The Hall was looking good so I still had a chance to save face. After all the postgame reaction, The U took us to that game, where lo-and-behold Seton Hall was no longer up 5 as they had been with just 3 minutes left…they were now down 1 with under a minute to go. Obviously I knew where this was heading, and after missing a 3 pointer they fouled (!) with 0.6 seconds left. Chris Wright steps to the line, and calmly rips out my heart by hitting both FTs

The night ended in the always unpopular “lose-lose-lose-lose” scenario because the 2 additional bets that I wanted to make (Illinois and Alabama) ended up winning, including one underdog wining outright. In my performance review today when I asked for a raise, I neglected to mention that I would just blow it on Tuesday night college basketball, but he probably figured that anyway. Oh well, its only January 19th...many bad beats still to come, which is part of the fun.

Man Says It Was Big Misunderstanding After Girlfriend Lightes His Crotch On Fire

OCALA, Fla. — An Ocala man says he is staying with his girlfriend even after she was arrested for pouring gasoline on his genitals and setting him on fire.  Forty-two-year-old Andrew Williams suffered serious burns and was taken to Shands Hospital in Gainesville last week after police say his 29-year-old girlfriend, Victoria Bynes, set him on fire. Witnesses called police after seeing the couple arguing, and then Bynes pouring gas on her boyfriend and lighting him on fire. Williams told reporters that the whole incident was a big misunderstanding. Bynes told detectives that she saw her boyfriend drop to the ground and roll to put out the flames. She says she left the scene because she thought he wasn't injured. Family members say they are worried about the couple's relationship. It is not known if the couple will seek counseling or take a fire safety class.

I don't see what their families are all alarmed about.  Everyone acting like this never happens to them.  You've never been hanging out with your girlfriend or wife and decided to spice it up with a little scorched junk? Like they aren't at home messing around, flirting with third degree burns and the scents of melted pubic hair.  Please, everyone does it.

Besides, the guy told ya'll it was just a misunderstanding.  Hell, even the girlfriend went back inside once he'd rolled around in the grass long enough to quelch the fire on his roasted nuts.  Nothing to see here.

By the way, googling crotch fire for pictures leads to a comical amount of Lindsay Lohan pics.

High Speed Chase Thru Cow Pasture

Would You Choose Self-Esteem Boost Over Money or Sex? Didn't Think So

Corporate Retreats and Wellness Programs = Kumbaya Bullshit

Time Magazine - It's hard to imagine anything young people might value more than food, getting an extra paycheck or even having sex, but according to the results of a recent study in the Journal of Personality there is one thing prized most among college students: a boost to their self-esteem. In two consecutive studies of a total 282 students, researchers at Ohio State University showed that the majority of students chose kudos over more primal rewards like food, alcohol and sex as well as more sentimental rewards, like seeing a close friend. They even chose accolades over cold, hard cash.

Seems like these stories come out about once a year (coincidence this was printed around the new year, right when companies are handing out their yearly raises?), always with the same results.  People apparently like pats on the back and "atta boys" better than cold hard cash, or apparently in this case, sex too.  Bull shit. 

And it's not just academia that studies this "phenomenon."  I literally can't go three months without some kind of corporate wellness event shoving this crap down my throat.  "Be kind to the people who report to you, tell them when they've done a good job, taken them out for lunch to show your appreciation, don't beat them with belts for being late, and publicly acknowledge them to your team via email."   Umm yea, you know what I bet they'd like even better? A raise or a bonus to acknowledge their hard work.  I'm sure a friendly smile and "great work" today is all its going to take to keep my employees around when they get tired of struggling to pay Boston area rent prices on an entry level job salary.  Yea, that's it.

Seems to me its always self serving hippies and spiritual quacks talking in soft pleasant voices that push this bologna too.  Yea, maybe a 10% raise isn't important to you, but for the rest of us who don't wear birkenstocks, eat granola, and shower more than once a week, we need cash. 

And that's not even mentioning the hypocrisy of these "Corporate Leadership Counselors" telling us its not all about money.  Umm how much did you just collect as a private consulting fee to put on this class in common sense horse shit?  Would you take a pay cut for a few more glad hands and "nice jobs?"  Didn't think so.  

Take a Long, Hard Look at this Picture

 

Kind of reminds me of those old Image Art things.  You remember those?  People just used to be lining up in book stores to stare all dumbfound with their mouths agape, or eating 10 boxes of Captain Crunch in a week just to win the free image art prize.  All to catch the glimpse of a blurry outline of a spaceship or a castle or some other lame shit.  I'm willing to bet those things would still be popular today if this was the kinda thing popping out those books.