Day from Hell

I was going to get a few more blogs out today, I swear...but I didn't.  You see folks, I spent the day in my own little personal hell called e-mail jail.


You know the kind of day I'm talking about, you clear out two or three client requests and all of a sudden you have seven new emails. 

Three of them you can delete, probably just info about corporate picnics, glad handing and back slapping about promotions among executives (I swear some of them just swap jobs and titles on a yearly basis to make it look like they were promoted.  I dare you to tell me the difference between global rep of client services and global rep of client relations. You can't do it), or our executive staff's blogs (yes you have more readers than I do, but thats only because your thoughts and opinions are tied to our job security so we feel forced.  I'm pretty sure people would pick banging it here for Alt-Tabs and mindless rants over economic theory and musings from their latest business trips, right?)

The other four, just straight up misery.  Some nagging requests about things you probably could have completed a couple weeks ago but were too busy blogging about McRibs (Wednesdays the big day!), questions that you seemingly answer weekly, and then there is the occasional bomb. The "Oh I know its the first of the month and you're probably busy, but we meant to ask for this a week ago and now its due today can sludge through this 1,000 line excell sheet and kiss my ass while doing it" request. 

Yep, today was the perfect storm , 3 or 4 bombs, a few items I personally procrastinated on (and continute to procrastinate on, like I've said before, do the important work, let other shit slide) and a shit ton of dumb requests that I've answered over and over again to the point where I have the answers memorized (for the record I received 187 e-mails today)

I'll be back tomorrow, right now there is a barstool calling my name...

Brilliant

Scanning for hilarious Craigslist ads used to be one of my favorite things to do when killing time.  Then the Craigslist Killer went and ruined all the fun.  A guy can't browse hysterical personals and for trade ads at work anymore without his co-worker assuming he enjoys killing broads and stealing their panties.  All I ever wanted was for it to be acceptable to laugh at other peoples miserable predicaments to take my mind off my 4X6 cell cube for a while.  Maybe this video will usher in that era again.

Its Year End Review Season

It's time for year end reviews at work once again.  Self assessments, one-on-one meetings, and all around phoniness.  Has anyone ever approached a review with complete sincerity? I'd say I treat about 30% of my review truthfully and honestly.  The rest of it I look at as another chance to freshen up on my corporate jargon...out-performance, synergy, cohesiveness, team building, right sizing, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

I have to answer about 20 different questions, all beating around the bush instead of asking one simple question: Did you do a good job this year? Yes, No, and why?  Instead I'm filling out a review longer than the math section on the SAT's.

And HR wonders why we hate everything they come up with?  Their job is to make sure people use common sense, yet they never use it themselves.  The secret is they know just how dispensable their jobs are and in order to protect themselves they create these ludicrous reviews and training seminars, and make simple tasks such as reviews, benefits, and firing folks as complicated as possible.  So complicated that I had to lash out in a blog because God forbid I take this complaint to HR.  There would be documents to complete, focus groups formed, review boards called, and some nice bar charts created, all to come to the determination that they're nagging the shit out of the employees.  

This isn't the last corporate rant you'll hear today.