Delta Airlines Loses British Mans Bag, Steals Aftershave, and Pisses on His Clothes

Gawker - A British man named Sy Haze, who is accusing Delta of peeing all over his clothes and stealing aftershave from his luggage, among other things. Let's go through the list of offenses, shall we? he was set to fly from London's Heathrow Airport to Minneapolis on June 17 for a week-long trip, but was actually issued a boarding pass to Boston by a seemingly drugged-up Delta ticket agent. Haze spotted the error and was reissued the correct boarding pass; his luggage, unfortunately, was already en route to Boston, but he was assured that it would soon arrive in Minneapolis. Haze then boarded his flight, but when he arrived in Minneapolis, he was informed that his bag had not only been rerouted to Boston, but—upon its arrival there—was sent back to London instead of Minneapolis. The video shows Haze explaining what he found when he eventually opened his bag: Apparently someone had urinated on his clothes, squirted toothpaste all over his toiletry bag, and made off with a bottle of aftershave. And his complaints to the airline haven't gotten him very far: "Delta Airlines have been either uncontactable at Minneapolis or rude and dismissive and insistent that only their permanently engaged toll free number can help."

Yep, that’s why I won’t fly Delta anymore…seriously, I will not fly delta.  Granted they may not have peed on my bag, but I’m fairly certain anyone that’s flown that god forsaken airline and had to switch planes in Atlanta has experienced everything else.  The piss is just the icing on the cake.

And I don’t want to just slam Delta here, they suck , and are by far my least favorite airline, but if I could figure out a way to teleport or morph my way to vacation destinations I’d write an open letter to every airline exec telling them to go screw. Fucking crooks, all of them.

Do you know what I paid for two tickets to South Carolina from Boston the other day? $750. It’s a 3.5 hour flight.  How the hell is that justified? And like 90% of the price is fees. No joke, the additional fees after base airfare, included “takeoff fees” of $5 per trip, and $5 per each airplane switch.  Correct me if I’m wrong but the fucking take off is kind of a mandatory part of the flight I just bought, no? I mean what service did I just pay for? What is that $600 airfare going towards if “taking off” isn’t part of it? How does airfare even constitute airfare if no take off is involved. 


PS: Dude in the video, I feel you, and am 100% on your side, but a little too much bitching about your favorite after-shave.  Your bag just got peed on and your shit vandalized with toothpaste.  Piss in your bag! How about focusing on that. 

In Florida News: Palm Beach Schools Clearing House of Pervs, Diddlers and Thieves...Yawn

Palm Beach County gets their monies worth from the school board, hiring and firing dozens at a time.

Sun Sentinel - The Palm Beach County School Board on Wednesday will vote on whether to fire five employees, including a principal accused of stealing furniture from her school, a janitor caught naked in a school storage room and a female reading teacher who is accused of having sex with an 18-year-old student.

A pillar of higher education I'm sure...the details:

1) According to a district report, on Nov. 30, 2010, an assistant principal heard a noise in the orchestra strings storage room at Bak Middle School of the Arts in West Palm Beach and went to investigate. She found Rivera-Ortiz, a custodial foreman at the school, naked in the storage room, according to the report. It does not disclose what Rivera-Ortiz was doing inside the storage room.

Well to be fair I have always heard that when cleaning with industrial strength chemicals, its best to have as much exposed skin as possible in poorly ventilated areas.

2) Maloney, 49, took over as principal of the school but was removed last year after a district investigation alleged that she stole a saxophone, a projector, a laptop and about $14,000 in furniture from her school. A district investigative report alleged that Maloney gave the furniture to another district employee, former Area Director of School Accountability Delorisa Brown, to be used at her business, Brown's Funeral Home in Lantana.

The most puzzling part of the story, what is a funeral home doing with $14k of school furniture? Are mourners going and paying their respects while seated in a room with 100’s of those desk/chair combos with the cubby underneath? Can adults even fit in those chairs? I always remember seeing parents during parent teacher nights awkwardly straddling the line between squeezing themselves into these childrens desks or trying to pull off the “cool parent leaning on the desk look.” Not a good look while paying your last respects.

3) The district is also recommending firing 29-year-old Palm Beach Central High School reading teacher Susan Keppers, whom the district report alleges had a sexual relationship with an 18-year-old student in January.

The story just kinda throws this in as an after thought, no real details for us, "oh yea, and another Florida teacher was caught fornicating with a student, so there's that too."

Which all begs the question, just what the hell is going on down there in Florida? Are they just hiring anyone off the street? Can I stroll in today and get hired for the empty Principal's job?  Set me up in an office where I can blog and discipline students as necessary? Sounds like a cushy gig.

Ironically Named Vigilante Woman Chases Beer Thieves, Vandalizes Car, at Walmart

Might be my favorite Walmart Pic of All-Time

Houston Chronicle - Monique Lawless had nothing personal at stake when she saw three men leaving a Walmart store in Alvin with three cases of beer they didn't pay for. She was a customer, not an employee, of the store. "I'm just sick of the lawlessness," the 42-year-old Alvin woman said. "They knew their chances of getting caught were slim to none. Those kids would have gotten away with it, celebrated their theft and probably continue to do it." She spotted the men getting into an older-model sports car "so I just started running towards the car, jumped on the hood and was kicking at the front windshield, trying to kick the windshield in," she said. "I am screaming, 'You punks, you are not going to get away with this,' and people are looking at me, thinking what's wrong with her?" Lawless said. "People were just standing around, probably thinking I am crazy." Her crime-fighting effort didn't stop there. "Then I jumped on the roof and tried to kick in the sunroof, and in the meantime they're just laughing," said Lawless, a mother of two. "I was really upset then. I was mad." When the driver started the car, Lawless slid down the top of the vehicle and grabbed the driver's door handle. The vehicle lunged forward and she let go, but not before being dragged along the pavement. The three men, who are brothers, were in the Brazoria County Jail on Monday facing charges of felony evading arrest and aggravated robbery. Sylvester Andre Thompson, 21; Sylvester Durlentren Thompson, 21; and Sylvester Primitivo Thompson, 19, live at 4925 Harbin in Santa Fe.

Umm how about some charges for this wild vigilante woman, too? Is this the message we want to send to society? Any wild menopausal woman can run around stomping in the sunroof of your maxima? 

Listen lady, this is a society, we have rules and laws. If these kids want to flaunt the law and steal beer, then so be it, the cops and the law will handle them.  But you can’t just go ambushing every Walmart shopper you see doing things that you find unacceptable.  First of all you’d be ambushing all day, Walmart is a breeding ground for these types, but second of all it’s not your job.  No one elected you Judge Judy, this aint swift justice with Nancy Grace.  Next time just do us all a favor and finish checking out with your adult depends, toothbrush, and $4 discount DVD’s.

PS: I can’t figure out what is stranger, the fact that this woman’s last name really is Lawless, or that the brothers all have the first name Sylvester.  Just goes to show, what happens in Walmart, will usually end up in the evening news for civilized people’s enjoyment.

Fried Kool-Aid...Dare You to Think of a More Hysterically Racial Food.

Fox News - Move over funnel cakes and corn dogs, deep-fat fried Kool-Aid is here. "Oh, the moment of truth," said Joe Cocoba, a 31-year-old nursing student before biting into the glistening brown dough ball with a pink fluffy interior. "I can taste it (the Kool-Aid)! It's good."

As I was getting ready to blog this I was stumbling through my friends over at A Working Man’s Diary’s recent blogs and saw that they hit the nail on the head perfectly. And since this is just some crumb-bumb blog and I’m not above copying others’ work verbatim and then just citing them (some people call this plagiarism, I call it free publicity).  So without further ado, Dub Jeezy:  

Fried Kool-Aid is Unfortunately The Blackest Thing Ever Created (it’s ok I’m told Dub-J is black).

"God dammit. Not happy about this at all. There will never be a point where I can enjoy this food item in peace. Not that I want to, but if the opportunity arose, it will never be in the cards.


As soon as I order this, I will literally be stared at by everyone in the surrounding area, regardless of ethnicity. Like, "look, HE's eating it." I'm not ready for that. I don't have that type of resolve within myself. Who was the "pioneer" who decided on this one huh? We should have just stopped at fried pickles. Those things are surprisingly decent. That was definitely our peak as a frying society. Absolutely no going up from that. Then someone decided to fry liquid, which I'm still in the dark about that whole process.

I'm not saying this is going to be detrimental to black culture, but let's just say we are going to have to rebuild a few bridges after this one."

Humpty Dumpty Looking Fellow is a Hardcore Who Wants to be a Millionaire Contestant.

See more funny videos and Entertainment at Todays Big Thing.

No joke this guy is the greatest human being alive…the greatest. Not because he’s good looking (I mean spitting image for humptydumpty, his pants are up to his underboob, its hilarious), not because he’s super smart (the average Snapple drinker is smarter than the avg millionaire contestant, you could throw me on right now, I’ll get 56 out of 60 no joke), it’s that he understands the moment.  He’s not dicking around, hemming and hawing, trumping it up for the camera. He came here to win a million fuckin dollars today, and that’s exactly what he’s going to do. It’s like his wife says, they came there to take the money.

Now let’s break it down because this may be the greatest video I’ve seen in my short time in the blog game. I near pissed myself at least once every .30 seconds:

1:58: Bro just answered the question before all the hints were up, this is going to be good.

2:25:Takes time out to Eulogize Walter Cronkite...Classy move.

3:05: Meredith Viera not happy, slowly realizing she's obsolete.  Why do you need a host to ask the questions if the contestant doesn't give you anytime to try and persuade their answer? Why Meredith?

3:15: "I'm a Man on Fire." I just audibly laughed out loud...I have headphones on so the g/f has no idea why I'm chuckling like an idiot. Those are the best laughs.

3:52: Clear shot of his Humptydumptyness right here. Pants firmly tucked into the under-boob. Also the hunch on his back gives him an egg shape.

4:15: Asks Meredith if she has a problem with him winning 1 million dollars today...things just got a little awkward.

4:20: He's married, this is stunning. Meredith calls his wife lovely, she's not.  Strangely seems as confident as Humpty that he's going to win. "We're here to take your money." Well then.

5:45: Begins telling Meredith how to do her job. "There are other people waiting to play the game and I want to give them a chance." Brilliant, generous, respectful of others not named Meredith.  He's the perfect catch.

6:22: Easily the hardest question he faces, only someone who shops at Walmart gets this: "Which of these jeans makers features a horses head in the profile of its logo?"  A: Jordache...I thought Jordache went out with acid washed jeans.

6:40: First stumble! Big shock, the fat guy needs help with the Fruit Type question.

7:25: Never has anyone been so disappointed to see the show end for a day. Devestated.

Washington Post and The New Yorker Have Illegal Immigrants on the Payroll, No Wonder CW Can't Get a Real Writing Job

WASHINGTON -- A Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist who covered presidential politics and the 2007 Virginia Tech shootings for The Washington Post is going on network television to announce he is an illegal immigrant. "I'm done running. I'm exhausted," Vargas wrote. "I don't want that life anymore." Vargas shared a Pulitzer Prize for the Post's coverage of the Virginia Tech shootings. A 2006 series he wrote on the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Washington inspired a documentary film. Last year, he wrote a profile of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg for The New Yorker. Most recently, he was a senior contributing editor at Huffington Post. He said he left after less than a year and was worried professionally about a looming deadline: the expiration of his 8-year-old Oregon driver's license.

I always bought into the whole “illegal immigrants are taking jobs that American’s don’t want” until just now.  Never thought it affected me, didn’t think I’d become a victim of illegal immigration.

Man, was I wrong.  I’ve been sitting around the last few months wondering why the top news outlets, or at least one of the free daily’s hasn’t been pounding down my door, blowing my phone up trying to contract out my scribing talents.  And here’s your answer. An illegal immigrant has my job.

Without a doubt if it weren’t for Jose Antonio Vargas I’d be working for the New Yorker right now, publishing scoops, lubing the deals, finding the next deep throat, you name it, I’d be on it.  Certainly wouldn’t be sitting in my living room at 7 am scooping various news sites so I can regurgitate a few stories and add my own predictable commentary.

Bastard. Next thing you know you’re gonna be telling me that temporary labor job picking strawberries I was depending on this summer has gone to some illegal as well…WHAT? It has?!?! Son of a bitch.

Whitey Bulger Caught in Santa Monica...See What Happens When We Can Decidate Resources to non-Osama Items?

SANTA MONICA, Calif. -- James "Whitey" Bulger, a notorious Boston gangster on the FBI's "Ten Most Wanted" list for his alleged role in 19 murders, was captured Wednesday near Los Angeles after living on the run for 16 years, authorities said. Bulger, 81, was arrested along with his longtime girlfriend, 60-year-old Catherine Greig, in the early evening at a residence in Santa Monica, said a law enforcement official who was not authorized to speak publicly about the case. The arrest was based on a tip from the recent publicity campaign that federal authorities had regenerated, according to the official. FBI agents still swarmed around Bulger's building late Wednesday, hours after the arrests in a neighborhood of two and three-story apartment buildings. Bulger lived on the third floor of The Princess Eugenia, a three-story, 28-unit building of one and two-bedroom apartments three blocks from a bluff that overlooks the Pacific Ocean.

When reached for comment, Pakistan Officials were quoted as saying "haha, nanananabooboo, who's harboring Most Wanted Fugitives now?"

Now before everyone overreacts let me state that I obviously understand the difference between Whitey, a career murdering gangster, and Osama, the most villainous, murdering terrorist on Earth.

But at the same time, its the same thing.  Osama hanging out day to day in some ramshackle compound/mansion ,Whitey Bulger frolicking on the beaches of Santa Monica. Both had help somewhere along the way, Whitey's is actually documented and has been tried in court, but who knows how much more  help he had along the way.   The difference is  you're not going to hear people from the upper levels of government coming down on Santa Monica and California police wondering how one of America's Top 5 Most Wanted Criminals was living amongst them in paradise without anyone noticing.