Best of the Blogs

Tiger Kills Lion at the Zoo, Proves Who's Really King of the Jungle - Fucking Lions, they've been resting on their laurels, getting fat on success long enough. The Tigers finally had it, these cats have actual tiger blood, no pussy lion like Simba or Mufasa was going to stand in their way after the week they've had.  Plus it never made sense that Lions held the "King of the Jungle" title. Lion's don't even live in the jungle, just a huge slap in the face to Tigers, and injustice that has now been rectified.


Funny News Headlines - Like the old Jay Leno routine, except these ones are actually funny.


7 Facebook Photos That Will Get you Unfriended- Hysterical, but they should have bumped it up to 8 to include "Action Photo from Adult Rec-League Sports." Nothing screams "I sucked at sports in high school" more than the guy trying make up for missed local newspaper sports headlines via facebook status updates and photos.


Cap'n Crunch Retiring - Yawn.  Let me know if one of the real cereal super heroes gets discontinued. Lucky the leprachaun, Tony the tiger, those sexually ambivalent chefs on the boxes of cinnamon toast crunch, those are the guys that matter. No one's going to miss some portley bastard of a Captain. Dude didn't even have a boat. What the hell was the he the Cap'n of? My cereal bowl.  Give me a break bro.

Tips for American's Traveling to the Middle East (with video)

Here's a free tip from the CW. Don't travel there.

If a notorious tough guy like Anderson Cooper couldn't even handle it, I'll just assume I wouldn't make it out alive.


Unless you're wearing regulation US Army fatigues or going to join some jihadist underground movement I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would be traveling over to the Middle East.  Yea, Dubai looks neat, we have that here too, it's called Vegas.


In Vegas the only scare tourists have to worry about is some pimp ruffing them up for not tipping their hooker enough, or wondering just how likely they are to get herpes from the toilet seat in the mensroom next to the sportsbook.  In Dubai, aside from seaching for ways to identify the fundamentalists and extremist amongst the crowd (hint, it's most of them), you have to deal with the constant threat of revolution, and for girls, the fear of jail for showing too much skin.  Oh, and I'm fairly certain there are restrictions on walking around with alcohol in public, yea sounds like a blast of a vacation.  I'd sooner go to BYU for a semester then pay for a luxury trip to the middle east.


You want a sense of adventure and thrill along with your fun in the sun travel to Mexico. No need to pay for an expensive trip across the globe.  Mexico's got hot sunny beaches, and these days you're just as likely to see a beheading or mass murder in a down town market as anywhere else in the world. 

What's With Libya Hiring US Pop Stars and Hip-Hop Acts?

CNN - The cushy gig probably sounded irresistible to singing sensations like Beyoncé, Usher and Mariah Carey: a private concert in the luxurious Caribbean island of St. Barts to ring in a new year before a group of dignitaries who were big fans...But that was before everything came to light, courtesy of WikiLeaks...Those artists and others, including Nelly Furtado and rapper 50 Cent, have recently faced sharp criticism for accepting payments for performances from the family of Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi.


I thought these guys were muslims, no? What are they doing hiring American pop music and hip-hop acts, shouldn't that stuff be essentially at the core of their hatred for American culture?  If you don't hate us for our annoying and incredibly poor taste in music (which you apparently share) what exactly do you hate us for? I mean if anyone embodies the arrogant and entitled American stereotype it's got to be our pop stars and divas.  This just doesn't add up.

And to the people getting all over Nelly Furtado, Beyonce and 50 Cent, do you really expect them to keep up with which foreign dictators are slaughtering and oppressing their own people and which ones aren't?  I think we'd be lucky to find these guys knew where Libya was on a map, nevermind what their governments stance on human rights is.  They saw a paycheck and took it, nothing too outrageous. 

Quite humorous that the common person is acting more outraged that these performers would take such huge pay days from these foreign dictators when conversley there was hardly any outrage when our very own government forked over millions in aid money for years and years. Do people really fail to see the hypocrisy here?

A couple of pop acts taking money from homicidal maniacs for performances is really nothing compared to our own government funding the homicidial maniacs for decades.  Wake up people, focus on what's important for once.

Chrystler Pulls off the Oldest Twitter Move in the Book

(WJBK) - A social media representative for Chrysler is out of work after sending a message on Twitter that was deemed inappropriate. On Wednesday, a tweet on Chrysler's account ( @ChryslerAutos ) seemed to refer to the employee's rough drive to work. The tweet said, "I find it ironic that Detroit is known as the #motorcity and yet no one here knows how to (expletive) drive." The message was quickly removed from the account which has over 8,000 followers. But it didn't happen fast enough as it was retweeted numerous times across the social media website.


I see you Chrystler.  Oldest trick in the twitter book, throw out some inappropriate or controversial tweets, gain a slew of new followers, and then retract the tweet and apologize.  That's tweet game 101.  Although I have no idea why it doesn't work nearly as well for The Alt-Tab (@thealttab). I throw out random and inappropriate tweets all day long.  Just this morning I've tweeted twice about Chimpanzee genetalia related topics. Twice before lunch people!

Additionally, who the hell were the 8,000 morons following Chrystler  before this "incident?"  Chrystler has to be forcing it's employees to use the twitter, right? Part of your employment status must include having to follow the company so they can get their tweet game up. That's the only explanation, because I can't imagine anything interesting they'd possibly have to tweet about. "Sold another boat of a car to a lovely set of grandparents today" or "With those three sales we made nationwide this week we've staved off bankruptcy for another day!"  Must be just a thrilling feed to follow. 

Yes I assume any chance of Chrystler throwing me a 300 for promotional purposes is out the window, I'm ok with it.

Your Penis Used to Have Bones

Not after they find out about your bony dick disease bro.

(CNN) -- You've read the headline, and it probably made you giggle. Go ahead. Get it out of your system. Then take a deep breath and consider how evolution affected a few specific body parts, and why...We know that humans have larger brains and, within the brain, a larger angular gyrus, a region associated with abstract concepts. Also, male chimpanzees have smaller penises than humans, and their penises have spines. Not like porcupine needles or anything, but small pointy projections on the surface that basically make the organ bumpy.  And humans are somewhat exceptional in this regard -- a lot of male primates have bumpy penises; mice, which are rodents, have them, too.... In fact, speculation abounds about what purpose the spines serve. One theory is that they are used in sperm competition; if the male's goal is to get his mate pregnant, he will want to take out her previous partner's sperm if she's recently had sex. The bumpy penis may be better for removing that sperm from the female, scientists theorize.


This was the article that just kept on giving.  Each paragraph more crazy, and frankly disgusting than the last.


I'll take back every thing I said about that Pimp Ape this morning. No matter how much he flaunts his oversized nutsack there is just no way to compensate for bumpy penis disease.  I don't know who the apes are trying to fool but those bumps aren't bone, that shit is orangutang herpes, and that's for life. 


And guys, sloppy seconds? That's just gross.

Britney Spears: "All My Songs are F**king Amazing"

Spears, whose latest record 'Femme Fatale' is scheduled for release on March 29, tells the magazine that her road to stardom was in the cards from an early age...After years of fame, Spears maintains the down-to-earth attitude that initially resonated with her fans. "It's such a cool feeling to hear your own song play on the radio," she says. "I still have the same kind of excitement when I hear any of my songs today."...And as for her confidence as an artist after years of media scrutiny? "All of my songs are f**king amazing," she says.




Preach Britney.  Not so secret fact about the CW, he's been to not one, but two Britney Spears concerts.  And he's in no way shape or form ashamed about it (Ok, maybe just a little bit).  Sometimes you just have to embrace your inner teeny-bopper for a half hour, no big deal.

The shows are awesome. Was I disturbed by the amount of man on man hand holding going on around me. Absolutely. Does she lip synch her way through the entire thing? Definitely. But you know what makes up for all that? Short to non-existant beer lines. 

Typical concert of sporting event beer line = 10-30 minutes in line. Britney Spears concert beer line = Me.

By the end of the show I'm the beer vendors best friends, we're making plans to watch the game on the weekend and he's asking me to be the Godfather to his first child.  Most of the time I'm literally the only guy in rushing to the beer line.  90% of the concert is under agers and their parents, the rest are girls and girly-men heading straight to the Malternatives and cocktails line, and then theres CW double fisting brews and having an awesome time, whatever dignity he's losing is well worth it.

So here's hoping Britney keeps making fucking amazing songs. 

Brandon Meriweather in the News...For Shooting People, Which Isn't Good.

Boston Globe - John Morgan, who claims he represents two victims, was asked by WEEI radio if he had any doubt that Meriweather was the shooter of his clients. “I have a lot of doubt about that,” Morgan said. “That’s what these fellas told me, but I don’t assume that to be true at all. I assume nothing to be true until we get an investigation completed. Their allegation to me is … one of the fellas was in a fight with someone else out there and their allegation is that Meriweather shot him. That bullet grazed that fellas head and hit the second client, went through the cheek and head… the cops have had this case for two weeks.”




First reactions on hearing this upon waking up? Meh. Let's be honest, it was only a matter of time.  It was great while it lasted but we all knew something like this was coming.  The guy was a character concern on draft day due to a few "incidents" during his time at The U, and frankly I'm shocked he lasted this long without something happening (also I feel that we should just designate any player coming out of The U as having character concerns, it's a given).   Whether or not he actually did it let's just say no one should be shocked that he's in some way involved(that lawyer's statement is going in the lawyer's hall of fame, guy isn't committing to shit, yea his client has a hole in his cheek, no he's not going to agree that it was or wasn't Brandon Meriweather who put it there, but it was totally Brandon Meriweather) .


And really, it probably shouldn't matter.  I mean Ray Lewis (also from Miami) went out and killed a couple of people during his Super Bowl pregame routine over a decade ago.  All he's done is go on to be one of the best Linebackers the game has ever seen.  So all in all, if Brandon can avoid jail time by simply apologizing, ala Ray-Ray, he should be looking at a Hall of Fame career.  And as a Patriots fan, that's all I really care about here.

You know it's March when...

You know it's March when…you’ve got finishes like the above. I mean, this was outrageous. Sure no one cares about a Wednesday afternoon Big East Tournament game…unless, you know, you had a financial interest in it. Now I didn’t bet this game (shocking, I know), and Rutgers was getting 10, so whats the big deal? Well for starters, the O/U was between 127 and 129, depending on where/when you got it…yeah. To say those refs left the court quickly would be like saying that I might find myself in front of a TV drinking a beer or two during next weekend's opening rounds. This game just also happened to involve America’s/ESPN’s darlings this year (St. John’s), who were playing at home, and Rutgers, which just happens to be the state university of a state where this took place 3 weeks ago. Now I’m very rarely Conspiracy Guy, and I would never suggest anything nefarious is going on…I’m just pointing some things out (and wanted an excuse to say “nefarious”).

You know it's March when…national college hoops analysts are stealing Maestro’s ideas after he told you they would. Now CW had told me page views for The Alt Tab were going through the roof, but I had no idea that two of SI.com’s writers, ESPN’s top analyst, and the Associated Press were loyal readers. Welcome, men. I happen to like Luke Winn (scroll to the bottom...uncanny resemblance), and like the fact that Jay Bilas follows no one on Twitter, but can’t let this Jordan Conn character (who I’ve never heard of) off the hook, after this was the front page story on SI.com yesterday. Now we wait with baited breath for Seth Davis to comment on the Bruins’ upset chances on Sunday night, at which point my prophecy will be complete.

You know it's March when…you’ve got the Conference USA Title Game to bet the Under on before Noon. This is annually one of my favorite bets, and I’m pretty sure it has won most, if not every, year since I’ve been betting it. The CUSATG always starts at 11:30 AM EST on Selection Sunday, and this year we have the added bonus of the game being played in El Paso, which, if you haven’t brushed up on your geography lately, is in the Mountain Time Zone. That’s right, tipoff for this game will be 9:30 AM local time. I know in my playing days I wasn’t able to roll out of bed and shoot the lights out, but maybe that was just me. I think unders are actually fun to bet, especially this one which has become a tradition and has also proven successful. The Pick: Under (whatever)

Big Balled Ape Straight Pimping

See this is the difference between humans and Apes.  This Ape-man is clearly homeless, the cardboard and brown bag bedding are a dead give away...that and he's sitting on the side of the road.  That said, I have no doubt it my mind that the next Ape-woman that comes along is going to be completely DTF.  This frigen chimp doesn't have two cents to his name, no shelter to speak of and he's still macking it to the fullest (yea that's right I'm bringing back Macking).  Dude just lets it all hang out and goes fishing.  Those things reel in the hunnies on their own.

Would this work for a human? Let me answer that question, with another.  Have you ever seen drunk chicks hitting on the bums after last call at the bars?  Didn't think so.  And I'm certain its not for lack of trying.  You're foolish if you think some homeless drunk hasn't pulled this move before.  But it doesn't matter how obscenely large a homeless guys balls are.  If you can't afford to take the girl out for a drink and prove that you have a home that hasn't been condemned by the board of health, you're not getting the girl.  Case closed.

Crazy Downhill Bike Race Through the Streets of Chile (awesome video)

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

First thoughts? Goddamn that was a long downhill race...wouldn't surprise me if he just rode the entire length of Chile. I've seen Chile on a map, it's not wide enough to support more than one main road so I'm guessing they've essentially shut down their entire country for this ramshamble race.  

Second thought, God I wish I lived in a 3rd World country.  Something makes me think they just decided to do this like, the morning before and went off and taped it off.  You can't do that shit in America, you need permits, safety precautions, have to alert the media, cops have to shut down streets, it would be a nightmare.  In Chile? Looks like 3 guys grabbed a few thousand feet of colored ribbon and roped off the street an hour before the race.  Security and police details? Please, this guy not only had to navigate the course, but he was in charge of his own crowd control, blowing a whistle the whole way down to let everyone know he's coming.