"Estranged" is Code Word for "Future Homicidal Maniac," Right?

Fox News - The estranged husband of a missing Missouri mother of triplets has confessed to killing her, a prosecutor reportedly said Thursday.

Serious question, why do we even allow people considered estranged from their spouses to be free in society. Honestly, nothing good has ever come from someone who's "estranged." Sure some of the estranged hold it together just long enough to make you think maybe they've got it under control but eventually they all snap. It's a 100% gauranteed kind of thing. I'll go on record right now, if I'm ever dubbed estranged from anyone, please lock me up, just like this guy should have been locked up the minute someone used that term to describe him.  I wouldn't even fight it, cops could just show up and say "sorry CW, you've been described as estranged, we gotta take you in," and off we'd go.

Britain Bans Jesus From Selling Cell Phones

LONDON - Britain's advertising watchdog Tuesday banned a mobile phone company commercial which featured a cartoon Jesus who winked and gave a thumbs-up gesture. The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) ruled that the Phones 4 U campaign, which carried the slogan, "Miraculous deals on Samsung Galaxy Android phones," appeared to be mocking the Christian faith. "We considered that, although the ads were intended to be light-hearted and humorous, their depiction of Jesus winking and holding a thumbs-up sign, with the text 'miraculous' deals during Easter, the Christian Holy Week which celebrated Christ's resurrection, gave the impression that they were mocking and belittling core Christian beliefs," the ASA said.

Is Britain's Advertising Standards Authority kidding me? Who would find this offensive, I mean, its a kind of commonly known fact that Jesus was the greatest salesman of all time, no?

This was the man with the golden tongue, convinced all the Apostles that a heavenly, invisible man deity in the sky was his father (much to his human father, Josheph's, chagrin I'm sure, like dude, he's standing right there), managed to convince a guy nicknamed Doubting Thomas that he had risen from the dead, convinced a blind guy he could see, and somehow talked a group of people into believing the water they were drinking was actually wine.

Guy could have sold a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves, don't tell me can perform some kind of miracle slanging Galaxy S phones. Piece of cake for old JC.

Australia Not Included in List of Coolest Countries? Has to be a Mistake

(Reuters) - They may be witnessing their global superpower influence decline in the face of challenges from other emerging players on the world stage, but Americans have been voted the world's "coolest nationality" in an international poll.

Coolest                Least Cool

Americans            Belgians

Brazilians              Poles

Spanish                Turks

Italians                 Canadians

French                 Germans

British

Dutch

Mexicans

Argentinians

Russians

First off, while I'm thrilled we dominated this poll, I've got to call into question any study of the coolest countries that doesn't include Australia in the top 3. This is either a gigantic mistake or some kind of blatant anti-Australian propoganda.  I mean the country is full of Crocodile Dundee characters, they've given us Fosters, and Wallabees (how cool was Rocko's Modern Life?), and Kangaroos. I've said it many times, its the one place I'll up and leave the United States for...I'll tell you who's no where near the top of that list for me, France, Mexico, Argentina, and Russia.  No chance in hell. I mean Russia? Are you kidding me...that's a slap in the face to the Aussies.

The list does go to further my point about Canada, yea guys, you didn’t come in last, but that’s only because of Belgium…and if I was ranking these countries you can be damned sure I’d flip flop those two…I mean at least Belgium contributed a half decent breakfast food (the waffle), all Canada did mess up the already perfect bacon…I mean , it’s bacon, you have to try to mess that up, yet there those hosers are, trying to push fried ham on me, pretending its bacon.

Brookline Man Wants to Ban Pledge of Allegiance In Schools...Yes, He's an Asshole

Asshole

Fox News - Days before the 10th anniversary of 9/11 a leader from a group in Massachusetts is calling on public schools in one town to ban students from reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, saying it has no educational value and the pressure it places on children to participate makes his “skin crawl,” The Boston Globe reported. Martin Rosenthal, the co-chair of Brookline Political Action for Peace, or Brookline Pax, told the paper the pledge puts “kids in an uncomfortable situation” and doesn’t belong in schools. The pledge is recited once a week in Brookline public schools. It is said during morning announcements and children are afforded the opportunity to not participate. Supporters of the ban say these children are often criticized by classmates and the ban would help stop the bullying. But the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 is nearing, and criticism for the resolution has been swift. Christie Coombs, a mother whose husband died on American Airlines Flight 11 during the attacks of Sept. 11, told The Boston Herald that the idea makes her “sick to her stomach.” “America has been through a lot with the bad economy and soldiers dying in Afghanistan on a weekly basis, but we’ve pulled back together. A majority of Americans are proud to pay tribute to the flag,” she told the Herald. Stone said she doesn’t anticipate the school committee reconsidering its current policy, The Globe reported. Rosenthal, meanwhile, told the Herald that he's not being unpatriotic; rather, he is “standing up for what’s great about this country.” Joe Colantoni, a Korean War veteran, responded in the paper: “Tell him he’s full of (expletive).”

Preach Joe Colantoni, preach. 

So this guy's skin crawls because kids are asked to voluntarily pledge allegiance to the flag? And we wonder what’s wrong with the country these days?

Hey buddy, get the fuck out. Just get out, leave. Pack up your shit and go. There is no room, no room for assholes like you.  And I’m sure you think you’re just being an enlightened free thinker, and you know what, maybe you are, but there’s a special designated place for free thinking hippies like you with no national pride, its called Canada.

Canadians get made fun of all the time, jokes at their expense daily, get treated like the 51st state, taxation without representation, etc, etc... and they don't give a shit, so go on ahead and join them up there and have fun being a homeless mans version of America, because we don't want your sorry ass anymore.  

That's all I have to say about that.

Am I The Only One Who Doesn't Have Trouble Peeling Bananas?

No joke, I had a friend in college who grabbed a banana at the res-café and asked me when he got back to the table, how do I peel a banana, and he was looking at it from the bottom. I thought he was fucking moron. Turns out I was right.

Because I hate to break it to this bro, but we evolved from the moneys a long ass time ago. Like what the hell has this guy been doing?  You give me a banana I’ve got that thing peeled in 3 seconds, tops. What is this shit about pinching it, digging your fingernail in, whatever the fuck you were doing trying to bite it. Guy, its like a piece of string cheese, just peel the fucking thing down. It’s not rocket science. Am I wrong here?

Am I some sort of genius, going through life all care-free peeling bananas with ease while all you other pre-hominids(look it up) are struggling with the banana. I feel like I'd be much further along in life if that was the case.