Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Slut-Dropping Sounds like the Single Dumbest Thing You Could Do In College.

Jezebel - Today, let me introduce you to a practice known as "slut-dropping." Apparently it's all the rage in the UK, and I'm shocked that it hasn't caught on Stateside, since this sounds right up a lot of jerks' alleys. Here goes: A gang of merrymaking young squires careens around the local village in an auto-mobile during the wee hours of the morning. When they see a young lass stumbling home alone from a night of intoxicating fun, wearing clothing indicative of both the presence of sexuality and the wearer's awareness of said sexuality, they stop the car and offer to give the damsel in distress a ride home. What gentlemen! BUT THERE'S A TWIST. Instead of driving the girl home, they drive her in the opposite direction of her home, as far as they possibly can, and then, when they get to the TBD nowhere spot, they drop her off, laughing and laughing like teenage Mitt Romney cutting a gay kid's hair, and drive away, filming the "slut" they just "dropped" as she angrily/sadly watches them recede from her. What sort of barbarians would pull such a stunt? Why, college blokes, just having a bit of fun during a time known as "freshers' week" in the UK. In the US, depending on where you went to school, it's called "freshman orientation week" or "pledge week" or "the entirety of your freshman year," and in both places, the introduction of new students to a college or university campus provides the perfect opportunity to teach those incoming freshmen important lessons about life.

Ok, first of all, Slut Dropping is already a universally recognized dance move...actually dance move doesn't even do it justice, it's more of a mating call:



Typically not performed in front of mothers performing domestic duties, but still, you get the point. So, sorry UK, but you'll need to rename this "slut-dropping" thing.

Secondly, there's a reason this fad hasn't made it stateside...it's dumb as fuck. I don't know what you cheeky bastards consider a good time in the UK, but the goal in the US is usually to have the "sluts" come back to your dorm or vice-versa. Not drop them off in the middle of no-where. It kinda defeats the purpose. I mean, I know when I was in college the goal wasn't to find the somewhat drunk girl in the highest heels and pushiest of push up bra's, win her trust and gratefulness by offering her a ride home, and then pissing her off by leaving her at some remote destination while my friends and I go back to the dorm to play Madden...But hey, have fun being the freshman on campus known for driving scantily-clad girls of loose morals miles and miles away from campus, should make you real popular the Bible Study crowd I guess...

Oh and thirdly, this sounds vaguely like kidnapping.