We Need A #Trending Topic for White People on Twitter

This past weekend's top trending twitter topic, #becauseimblack, got me thinking, how come white people don't have trending topics? And even more glaring, how come I'm the only white person I ever see posting to hash tag (#) topics on twitter? I feel like the lone white guy in Dave Chapelle's Mad Real World skit (pictured above), every time I check out a trending topic on twitter. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful for being able to reach a new audience that would otherwise miss out on my suburban, corporate office style of humor, but every now and then I wish I saw a hysterical Caucasian topic trending with culturally related jokes that I can relate too, its not too much to ask.

So here you go,  I'm going to start a caucasian based hash tag and see if we can get this baby trending by the end of the day...And I'll really be crossing my fingers that this doesn't turn into some sort of cyber web Klan meeting, this aint about being racist, just a plea for like minded comedy. 

The tweeting topic is #youknowyourewhitewhen ....have at it, spread the word, lets see if we can get this on the US Trends by the end of the day.

Sean Parker Says Social Network "Fiction" Thanks Captain Obvious

(Mashable) -- Napster co-founder and Facebook founding president Sean Parker lashed out at the movie "The Social Network" at a conference in Europe Sunday, calling it "a complete work of fiction." "The part of the movie that frustrated me is actually the scene at the end where the character played by Justin Timberlake -- who happens to have my name -- basically writes a check to Eduardo -- who I'm also, I consider Eduardo a friend of mine, and I'm one of the few people at Facebook who still interacts with Eduardo -- and throws it in his face and has security escort him out of the building.

Question, why go out of your way to make this announcement?  Justin Timberlake just played you in a movie.  You should be down on your knees thanking the grace of God for that casting decision.  The gay red head on ABC's Modern Family could have been just as easily cast as you and been more believable but by some fateful stroke of luck Justin Timberlake played you.  And you show your appreciation by describing his role as "The character played by Justin Timberlake, who happens to have my name"? Ouch, how about a little gratitude?

If I were a red headed geek (whether you're worth millions or not) I'd be running all around Hollywood telling everyone I meet that JT just depicted me in a film.  Embrace that super cool bad boy image, don't push it away, aside from money its the only thing you've got going for you.

Sleeping With Pets Can Lead to Sickness

Looks all sweet and cuddly, but then again, you didn't see him eating from your cats litter box 5 minutes ago.

USA Today - Sleeping alongside your pets can make you sick. It's rare, but it happens. That's why good hygiene means keeping Fluffy and Spot next to the bed, not on it, two experts in animal-human disease transmission say in a forthcoming paper. More than 60% of American households have a pet, and depending on the survey, 14% to 62% let their dogs and cats sleep with them. 

Umm, thanks for that.  I've seen my dog eat poo in my yard, catch and maul a rabbit,  lick every square inch of his body,and I'm fairly certain he can't distinguish between yellow snow and white snow when he's rolling around during play time. I'm pretty sure a study wasn't needed to figure out that sleeping with your pets may lead to health problems.  They're disgusting.  What other obvious health related items have you researched? Vitamins are good? Eating sugary junk food bad? Should I have gotten you to scientifically research my hand washing blog from yesterday?   

I'm sure a government grant was used to fund this study, just another waste of money.

50 Cent Shutsdown World Star Hip-Hop (Temporarily At Least)

HipHop DX - Hours after rival 50 Cent claimed he had the domain name seized, WorldStarHipHop.com is back online. In the midst of the popular Hip Hop site being offline, 50 Cent posted a series of Twitter messages claiming he was responsible for the outage. After various sources began reporting 50 reported the site to the Department of Homeland Security and/or Immigrations and Customs Enforcement, he backed away from his previous statements... The always-controversial 50 Cent is claiming responsibility for having the domain name WorldStarHipHop.com seized. In 2009, 50 was involved in a spat with WorldStar, after he filed a copyright infringement suit against the site, which directly competes with his own site, ThisIs50, and a number of other Hip Hop sites and blogs. During a 2009 interview with Atlanta’s DJ Greg Street, 50 said he hoped to tie WorldStar up in litigation long enough to make winning the battle irrelevant.

The Alt-Tab's favorite entrepeneur and financial advisor (all do respect to Pennypacker but the next bit of advice he actually publishes here will be his first) is back at it again.  Just blazing a trail and and showing me the way to prosperity.  First it was stock tips and now this, just ruthlessly tearing down his online competition.

Prior to this I had no idea people could just pull this shit? I assumed to run a successful website you had to be slightly entertaining, slightly controversial, and extremely lucky.  Who knew you could just attempt to sue your way to the top?  Let this be a warning shot to all our competition (whoever that may be, we don't really know yet), we're coming for you, and we're bringing our boy Jim Sokolove.

Taco Bells Beef Isn't Real Beef!? Shocking?

"Taco Bell, all the intestinal diseases, without actually flying to Mexico"

OC Weekly - "Taco Bell's advertisements that it sells 'beef' menu items containing 'seasoned ground beef,' is unsubstantiated, false and misleading. The Products, unbeknownst to consumers, are comprised substantially of meat filling and are mislabeled. Taco Bell's 'seasoned beef' actually contains, among other ingredients, water, 'Isolated Oat Product,' wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodrextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch and sodium phosphate, as well as beef and seasonings."

No offense or anything, but if you're gross enough to eat Taco Bell then I think you just have to shut up and take whatever they decide to stick in that .99 burrito.  You've already committed yourself to an afternoon spent in your company's bathroom with a vile case of the shits, I'm pretty sure realizing what they just fed you wasn't real meat is the least of  your problems.

People can't honestly believe they sell real meat at those prices right?  Didn't anyone wonder how they could afford to give you like 3 soft shell tacos, a coke and a side of twists for about $1.39?  A can of cat food costs more than anything on their value menu.  Keep that in mind next time you're rolling through the drive-thru.  Some Crazy old lady's cat is eating a better grade of meat than you are today. 

Worked An 11 Hour Day Yesterday, So Today Should be Fun

Well Folks, CW probably not going to bring his A game today, to work that is, I'd never let you guys down.  After being chained to my cube until 8:45 last night I was finally let free, only after I'd completed more work than Chinese Children in a sweatshop, bought stuff online out of boredom, and some how caught and incubated a cold all in one day.  

That other stuff is your average run of the mill day for CW in his life as a piddling corporate middle manager.  Its the last fact that's rather astounding.  I entered the building perfectly healthy in the morning, not even a sign of sickness, and remained in the building long enough to come in contact with cold spreading germs, have them incubate in my system, and finally present symptons at the end of the night.   

As a result it'll be a miracle if I make it through the whole day at the office today.  As of this morning I look like a walking victim of the plague.  Might be checking in with you guys from my couch for the rest of the day starting around noon, if not for my health than for the safety of everyone around me, because if my frigen printer jams once, computer freezes up, or I receive a few annoying phone calls, that's going to be me in the video to the right.