Mom Gives 8 Year Old Daughter Botox Injections, Which I Completely Support

Huffington Post - Today in beauty fact or fiction, The Sun sits down with eight-year-old Britney Campbell of San Francisco, whose mother Kerry claims she is already injecting the child with Botox so that she'll "become a star." Britney explains to the tabloid, "My friends think it's cool I have all the treatments and they want to be like me. I check every night for wrinkles, when I see some I want more injections. They used to hurt, but now I don't cry that much."  But it doesn't stop there -- Kerry reveals that Britney "also has her virgin wax monthly, which gets rid of her fluffy leg hair and makes sure she wont develop pubic hair in the future." Now, that's an all-new, screwed up level, if we do say so ourselves.


This really isn't that surprising, kids are competitive out of the womb these days, pre-preschool, preschools that promise ivy league degrees like 22 years in the future, specialists for shit that I’m fairly certain I was left to my own devices to figure out as a child, and you know, I don't blame the parents.  If I went to some fancy educational specialists as an infant maybe I’d be doing more with my life than bitching about my job and blogging for about $20 a month.


So it only makes sense you’d want your little girls to get a headstart in the looks department too, a leg up on attracting those doctors and Harvard grads.  Not just the kids their age either, you bring that 8 year old into the Dr's office for her injections, they build a rapport with the staff over the years, and boom 10-11 years later she’s 19 and hooking up with a successful plastic surgeon she’s known all her life, got herself a sugar daddy. Your job as a parent is complete. You’ve ensured a successfully financial future, even if it is the life of a gold digger, you’ve taught your daughter and important survival skill, the beautiful don’t have to work, and really, that's one of the most important life lessons all kids should learn at an early age. Why go on working hard through elementary and middle school if you don't have too?

Mom Drops Kids off With Stranger so She Can Go Get High, Stranger Obliges

PALMETTO, FL. – A Palmetto woman faces charges of child neglect after leaving her kid with a stranger for two days...According to a police report, Willis knocked on the door of a stranger’s apartment in the 400 block of 11th Street Drive West at 9am Saturday morning. Willis told the man who answered the door that her car A/C needed repair and asked him to watch her boy, and the man agreed. After the woman did not return for several hours, the man contacted the Safe Child Coalition, who sent police to take custody of the child. Willis returned to the apartment Monday morning to pick up the child and was later arrested. She told detectives that she was using drugs.

Say what you want about the mom, she’s a horrible person, but how about questioning the stranger here.  Who the hell accepts a baby from a stranger.  If I’m sitting at home some afternoon blogging or watching tv, I’m sure as shit not watching anyone’s kid.  You’d have a hard enough time at 9 am on a Saturday of convincing me to babysit a kid I know nevermind some crackwhore’s child. Shit is nuts.

And exactly how long did he wait before he began to think this was strange? Two hours? 5? Was it later that evening? Did he change diapers or feed the kid?  Did he have a rough estimate as to how long an AC repair would take or was this just open ended from the start. 

How was this even illegal actually?  Shitty parenting sure, but the guy agreed, and then had the audacity to call the cops because the babysitting some random junkies kid suddenly became inconvenient.  Have some decency bro, you make an open ended commitment to some strung out crackhead then you've got to honor that. If not the whole system falls apart.

Burger King's Attempt to Copy the Mcnugget an Obvious Failure

Slash Food - Burger King has a history of being inspired by the menu items of their long-time adversary McDonald's. In the '90s, BK revamped their old soggy French fries with a crispier recipe that suspiciously resembled the ones at the Golden Arches. It was also during that decade that BK blatantly ripped off McDonald's Big Mac with the introduction of the short-lived Big King...this time looking to the McNugget for inspiration, and attempting to do more than just drop the "Mc." Here's how they rate:

The Claims: BK's new Chicken Tenders are "tender," "crispy," and contain "white meat." They come in servings of four (190 calories), eight (380 calories), or twenty (950 calories). If you do the math, you'll find that each piece is 47.5 calories, but that adds up when you dip it in any of the six sauces: Zesty, Honey Mustard, Ranch, Buffalo, Barbecue, or Sweet & Sour...

 The Verdict: C. Gone away are the crown-shaped chicken pieces of the past; at a glance, these new Chicken Tenders look just like McNuggets (albeit a tad smaller) -- they have the same colored batter and even come in peculiar shapes like the ones at Mickey D's. The batter is crispy and starchy, like the McNuggets', with little to no herbs or spices to be tasted other than salt and a little pepper. The inside texture is just like the McDonald's counterpart: white meat that is ground, pressed, processed, and formed into nuggets. The taste is also similar, but not exactly the same. If it was BK's intention to simulate their rivals' chicken offering, they've missed the mark; what they have is drier and leaner-tasting, as opposed to the slightly fattier and softer texture found at the Golden Arches. (When I'm in the mood to order processed fast food chicken nuggets, I already know what I'm getting into, and prefer the latter.)

I kinda wish this review didn't try to be so professional and just came out and said what they were thinking.  Burger King tried to copy the Mcnugget and failed, pretty simple.  Great review, but sometimes you just need to be blunt and to the point.  Save the long winded stuff for something that costs more than 1.99 and a clogged artery.

BK's nuggets have always sucked. Even those chicken-fry things they tried out a couple years ago, its either chicken of a fry it's not both guys.  And reshaping your nuggets to look like McD's isn't fooling anyone. It's not really BK's fault, its a simple case of Nature vs. Nurture. 

BK's tenders may be a bit more healthy, but kid's in America are raised on the Mcnugget, it's the go-to Happy Meal for parents on the go across America.  A toy, 4 pieces of delicious golden nugget, and a delightful 8 oz carton of milk for like $4.  The Mcnugget happy meal is as natural to a 4 or 5 year old as breast milk is to an infant, and that's a tough bond to break.  It's not like you could just give your infant soy milk one day when it's been sucking on the teet for a few weeks.  Not gonna happen.  That's going to be one un-happy baby, just like I would have been one un-happy rugrat if my parents ever tried to get me a BK chicken tender meal as a child. No way Jose.

Your Latest Outrageous WalMart Related Blog, Woman Chokes out Walmart Greeter

Mugshot Hall of Fame, pure contempt.

Fox News - Elyria police say 49-year-old Toni Duncan, of Elyria, was asked to show a receipt Saturday and responded by pushing a cart into the greeter, grabbing his throat and choking him. She was charged with assault. Her daughter, 21-year-old Ashley Jackson, of Elyria, was charged with aggravated menacing and inducing panic. The (Lorain) Morning Journal reports that she's accused of saying she would blow up the store and that the greeter would be dead when her boyfriend learned of the incident. Both face a court appearance Wednesday. No attorney for either was listed in court records, and no working phone number was found for either.

I'd be lying if I said I'd been warning people for years that one of these greeters was going to get choked out eventually, but I have been thinking it. It's quite literally the most dangerous job in retail.  I'd take the Midnight-6AM at a gas station convenience store shift and risk armed robbery over being a greeter for Walmart or any other stores.

The problem is, back in the day it used to just be some cute old Grandparent on the verge of senility, working to pass the time, just grinning and nodding, giving kids a pat on the head, everything was fine.  But now? Now companies have these people doing actual work, it's a down economy and they can't afford to pay people for their smiles anymore.  Time to put Grandpa to work.  So now Grandpa is forced to check your bag and your receipt upon exiting, and that shit is not cool.

I don't need Old Father Time judging me for my purchases on my way out.  You just saw me leave the register two seconds ago, what could I have possibly stolen during the 3.8 seconds it took for me to put my wallet away and gather my bags?  It's bad enough that I'm shopping in Walmart, I don't need you peering through whatever the hell it was that I bought that I was probably too ashamed to buy in a regular store like Target where I might risk a co-worker or friend seeing me.  Like knock on wood I don't have hemroids, but if I ever did you know where I'd be buying the hemroid cream. At Walmart.  At least there I'd fit right in with their every day shoppers,  no one would bat an eye at someone buying hemroid cream at Walmart.  But at Target? I'd get to the register and suddenly I'd bump into an Aunt, a co-worker, some kid I haven't seen since like the 4th grade that's now going to go post on Facebook how I have hemroids. Shit would be a nightmare.  

People go to Walmart for three reasons: 1) They're dirty and aren't allowed in Target, 2) Day care was closed so they're just going to let their kids run around they store for the day, 3) To buy embarrassing shit away from the rest of civilized society.

I don't need some nosy greeter ruining #3 for me, an I'm guessing Elyria felt the same way.

PS: I'm totally considering just starting a Walmart Watch Blog. There's at least one outrageous story coming out of their per day.

A-Rod the Slumlord? Awesome.

Fox News - While most of the world knows the New York Yankees’ third baseman as ‘A-Rod,’ a tenant of Normandy Park calls him something else. “He’s a slumlord,” says Vince, who would only give his first name. “I’ll call it just as I see it.” According to a Florida corporate records search, Rodríguez owns Newport Property Ventures, a real estate company that owns and operates eight properties in the Tampa Bay area.  Their website displays appealing photos to advertise their property, but if you take a visit to the complex you see a structure in need of repairs. “You got leaky faucets, leaky bathrooms, screens coming off, dog feces everywhere,” said a tenant who did not want to be identified. Residents complain to on-site management about the trash strewn along the complexes walkways because there aren’t enough dumpsters. The biggest complaint among tenants currently is the development’s swimming pool. Residents say it’s been a mess and unusable for about three years. “The pool is always full of bacteria,” says another tenant who did not want to be identified.

I love this, a slum lord, that is soooo Arod.  Guy has everything in the world but he can't help but give people reasons to complain about him. 

I can just picture him reacting to this, bitching and moaning about people complaining about their leaky sinks, wondering why everyone is picking on him. 

Think about it, all the God given talent a baseball player has ever had, but a historical choker and pouter.  Great looks (I mean, from what I hear) but a narcissistic sissy model who once dated the corpse of Madonna, instead of banging playmates and other flavors of the month like his classy teammate Jeter.  And finally, all the money you could need, but runs his tenements like a penny pinching slumlord.  Classic Arod. 

....On the bright side I don't think he needs to fret about whether or not to play for the Dominican or USA in the WBC anymore, I definitely buy your Dominican-ness after reading this.

Florida's Worst Enemy, The Sinkhole, Is Back.

Man Sinkholes have a high rate of receidivism huh? This was the womans second time being attacked by a sinkhole this year!  These things are on par with rapists and pedophiles in my book.

But I'm going to call bull on the "There's no cell phone reception in a sink hole" comment.  I can't help but notice that you're waiving around an I-phone.  At the risk of offending Steve Jobs and ruining any chance the Alt-Tab has of being made into an App, don't you think the crappy phone you're hanging on to could have something to do with it?  Maybe you were holding it in that "death grip" that Apple warns about.  Because, though I've never been clumsy enough to be swallowed by a sinkhole, I have been in a basement, and without fail my phone will work in a basement.  The signal may not be great, but it works, and that's with the added element of concrete walls and ceilings and shit, much more treacherous of an environment than a sinkhole.