Penn State Penalties Announced; I've Never Had a Better Chance of Playing D-1 Football.

TMZ - Penn State University was just hit with a $60 million sanction by the NCAA for its role in covering up the Jerry Sandusky child rape scandal. And it gets worse -- or better -- depending for whom you're rooting. NCAA President Mark Emmert just announced ... PSU will be BANNED from bowl games for the next 4 years. The NCAA will also vacate all PSU football wins from 1998 to 2011. Penn State's football team will have its football scholarships reduced from 25 to 15 per year for the next 4 years. All PSU football players are allowed to transfer out of the school to any other school as soon as possible ... while keeping full eligibility. In other words, a PSU player can transfer to Ohio State next season and start immediately. Football players are also allowed to quit the football team and keep their scholarships. The PSU athletic program will be on probation for 5 years.

Dreams are coming true today! Up until now I've never gotten a fair shot at real playing time on a D-1 football team for various reasons, including, but not limited to, not being a juice monkey, not having played organized football previously, being of only average size and height, and probably, most importantly, my injury history. During one summer when I was like, 15, I simultaneously rolled my ankle and had some pretty gnarly stitches on my knee from a freak accident with the family couch...I all but fell off the recruiting radar as a result.

Well no more, if ever there was a time where I, or really any of you, could walk on to a D-1 Football team, this is it. No bowl games for 4 years, 10 scholarships completely gone, and a program with $0 money to reinvest and/or pay its players with illegally for one whole season. Jackpot. Now all I've gotta do is check to make sure my few seasons of Indoor Co-ed Division B Adult soccer didn't ruin my eligibility. 

You Think You're Having A Bad Day?

I can't believe no one wants to buy papers from this cuddly looking old man. Makes no sense. 


PS: The Maestro and I either saw this guy or the actual Sandusky right after all these allegations came out just strolling in the North End rocking a PSU sweatshirt proudly...Maestro thinks it was probably this guy...I'm 100% sure it was Sandusky enjoying one last good meal...

An Observation: There is Ample Evidence That Peyton Manning Cannot...Grow A Beard

I'm dead serious, guy doesn't even look like he can grow a 5 o'clock shadow. Aside from that picture right there with the glued on pedo-stache you will not find a single photo on google images of Manning with as much as a rough patch of stubble.

Do I know what this means? Not really, other than the fact that my original theory, that playoff victories are strongly correlated to a quarterbacks scruff, is out the window. Which is actually good news for me as a Patriots fan (Tebow out does Brady in the scruff beard category by a mile, I'm guessing Giselle finds more than a 5 o'clock shadow irritating), but horrible news for me as a blogger, because my whole idea for this mornings blog is now ruined and I'm absolutely scrambling...and so that's how we ended up here...with this steaming pile of blog turd and a photo of what Peyton would look like if he went to Penn State.

PS: there was going to be a hilarious joke about how Drew Brees doesn't need scruff, you know, on account of that mole thing...but now you're not getting that either...

Double PS: the funniest thing when google imaging "pedo-stache" is this. Is there anything Bieber can't pull off?

Roger Cossack Easily Has the Best Job Ever, Weighing in on the Penn St Scandal

Click here for the vid because ESPN is weird about embedding their videos.

Does this guy have the best job in the world, or what? Like anytime something in the sports world has anything remotely to do with the legal system he gets all suited up and just waits by his phone for ESPN to call him to come on air.  Free money, just for espousing his "expert legal opinion" on seemingly anything and everything.  

Nevermind the fact that there's no way he can possibly be an expert on all areas of the law that he's asked to speak about, think about the range of cases this guy has been asked to analyze: Clemens (perjury), Duke Lacrosse (gang rape/general douche baggery), Plaxico Burress (self inflicted gun wound laws?), OJ Simpson (double homicide), Barry Bonds (perjury, tax evasion, and generally being a miserable human being), Kobe Bryant (anal rape and the ensuing bribe that he almost definitely paid), Michael Vick (dog fighting), Ben Roethlisberger (rape again, ok so maybe he's a rape expert), Brett Favre (sexting/cock shots), the Mets/Madoff law suit (ponzi schemes), and he even took time last year to apparently offer up opinions on John Edwards and whatever was going on with his wife...And those are just the major cases that I can think of off the top of my head, I'm sure he's been asked his opinion on the NFL and NBA lockouts as well, Pete Rose, and Marv Albert. 

What's my point? I'm a jealous son of a bitch. I mean even if he has a law degree (I'm sure he does, I'm not insinuating that he doesn't...I don't need this over litigious bastard coming after me with a libel suit, hence this explanation), there is just no way it encompasses everything in that last paragraph...this is just a dude getting paid to go on TV, look like he could be the star of a Jim Sokolove commercial, and espouse his opinion however he sees fit.  It's my dream job. Who wouldn't want it...Do a little research, go on tv, and talk out your ass.  It's fantastic.  I'm imminently jealous of you, Roger.