Tebow to the Patriots? The Media Is Even More Full Of Shit Than We Thought

Boston.Com - Will there be Tebowing across New England? According to a radio report by ESPN's John Clayton over the weekend, if the Denver Broncos close the deal with quarterback Peyton Manning, the rumor circulating is that the Broncos may then trade quarterback Tim Tebow to the Patriots. "Here's an interesting proposition, just a rumor. Let's say you have Manning going to Denver," Clayton said on ESPN Radio over the weekend according to ESPNBoston.com. "Tim Tebow is probably going to be traded. He's not going to Jacksonville, they've already got Chad Henne. New England. You trade him to New England and groom him to be kind of a role player, and then you trade Ryan Mallett in some way. It's just a rumor."

So Clayton, explain something to me, is it a rumor, or did you just make it up yourself, right there on the spot? Because it sounds like you just made it up. Lets examine:

 "Here's an interesting proposition, just a rumor"

Well that's pretty confusing.Doesn't really clear anything up. I mean you start out by saying its a proposition, meaning it's an original idea, not something you've heard from any reliable sources, but then you say it's a rumor...

Let's say you have Manning going to Denver," Clayton said on ESPN Radio over the weekend according to ESPNBoston.com. "Tim Tebow is probably going to be traded. He's not going to Jacksonville, they've already got Chad Henne.

 Ok, this is a bit more clear...the phrase "let's say..." is the give away. You're making this stuff up, its fine, its all well and fun for discussion, but don't say it's a rumor.  Calling something a rumor gives a story a sense of credence, that maybe you heard it from someone in the know. You didn't. You made this up. But because you used the word "rumor," I had to deal with clueless co-workers and even more clueless radio hosts taking up my time yesterday perpetuating this "rumor" that was really just a "proposition." 

Oh, and by the way, having Chad Henne on a teams roster should never preclude a team for looking for another quarterback. The guy sucks...the Dolphins just let him go, you remember that, right? The same Dolphins who haven't had a decent QB in a decade didn't want the guy. I hardly think his signing precludes a Tim Tebow signing, but that's just a proposition, just a rumor...(I kid).

Lets  go a little further, because this is where it really gets ridiculous:

 New England. You trade him to New England and groom him to be kind of a role player, and then you trade Ryan Mallett in some way. It's just a rumor."

HAHAHAHA, Oh Jon, you make me laugh.You're paid as an analyst, right? Like, by the world leader in sports? Yes, the Patriots will trade away their future insurance policy for a glorified full back just so they can groom him to be a "kind of role player." Just what kind of role player would that be, exactly? Keeping in mind that the team has basically decided that they don't want to pay BJGE, a proven, 1,000 yard, double digit TD running back, to return. But for Tebow? Oh yea, they'll roll out the checkbook for this guy. In between goal line snaps as the decoy fullback he could lead the team in sideline prayer and organize all of the teams charitable events. Is that what you mean?

Jon, you work for ESPN. You're supposed to be better than that. You're supposed to have real sources...The local radio stations rely on guys like Frank from Gloucester and Joe in a Car, you're supposed to be an actual insider. Not just another crazy guy making shit up as you please.  Hell, at a bare minimum you should be able to understand that if you're precluding a team that owns Chad Henne from going after Tim Tebow, then you should probably preclude the team that has TOM BRADY. Its just bizarro stuff.

Look, I get that the Patriots are a popular rumored destination for EVERYONE. Seemingly every player available each offseason is somehow "rumored" to be going to New England. It makes sense, we live in a crazy sports market (I mean literally crazy, have you heard some of these callers) that can generate interest in just about any sports related story, year round. I was shocked, frankly, that we didn't hear a peep about Peyton Manning. I'm serious, I was shocked. Not one knuckle head (that I heard) called into EEI or the Sports Hub to make the case that the Pats should sign Manning. It was borderline miraculous. And maybe that's why I'm a little caught off guard here.  I thought for one second this sports market had a moment of clarity, Wrong. Guess I'll just have to tune out the talking heads for another week...

RIP, Patriots - Colts Rivalry 2001-2011

ESPN - Peyton Manning's 14-year career with the Indianapolis Colts is coming to an end after owner Jim Irsay informed the four-time NFL MVP on Monday night that the team will release him, according to team sources. Irsay and Manning traveled together Tuesday night from South Florida on Irsay's private jet and will conduct a joint news conference at noon ET on Wednesday, which sources said will be to announce the quarterback's departure.

As a Pats fan, this is exactly how I reacted to hearing this news yesterday afternoon: 

"Wow" (not a surprised tone, just more of a subdued, it finally happened tone). "That's really do bad, end of an era." 

Classy right? Except if you saw me doing it you would have seen a smug little smirk and a joyous twinkle in my eye.  For sure I meant what I said, but just not as much as I relished the victory at hand. 

We (Pats fans and Brady supporters) just won the greatest standoff since the Cold War people. This was sporting world equivalent of the Berlin Wall coming down. That smirk was the first time I smiled at football related news in over a month. It's probably what 2nd graders felt like when they were told they'd no longer have to practice hiding under their desk to protect them from nuclear fall out after the Cold War ended. 

Yes, a big part of me laments the end to this great rivalry from the past decade.  It was a guaranteed great game and the games almost always had great implications for each team's season (whether playoffs or regular season, something was always at stake). 

But the homer in me, the guy who wants his team and his players to win at all costs is celebrating a fabricated victory today. We just outlasted Peyton Manning, the guy with the laser, rocket arm. The Colts franchise is in shambles, the front office cleared out, a new coaching staff coming in, and now, next season, a new quarterback, leader, and era. The Kremlin has fallen, the Death Star has been defeated, the good guys won out. 

PS: I would not have felt this way if Peyton had just walked off into the sunset, as he probably should be doing.  I truly believe his coming out and putting on throwing demonstrations in the last month was the worst thing he could have done, because now he can't retire. He can't walk away having just proved he still has something left, the great ones never can. But that doesn't mean it's the right choice for Peyton. Not many great ones have had to decide between retiring or putting their fused neck vertebraes to the test. Not many great ones have had to travel outside the country to seek medical treatment that's not yet legal in the United States just in hopes of prolonging their careers. 

It's not worth it Peyton. You're not chasing anything. The consecutive games chase and an additional Super Bowl were all you had left, and now, you're not getting either one. What's the best case scenario? You sign with Arizona, who already has a half decent offense, and hope to lead them out of the desert? That's not going to happen. It's just not. 

And records? You've got nothing to prove. You're not going to catch Brett, and frankly, no one cares if you do. Brett was a freak of nature, he played 20 years straight, those records are as much a result of longevity as they are greatness. The guy was flat out a detriment to his teams late in his career, padding his stats like a self absorbed egotistical maniac...That's not you. Sure, in a couple seasons you can probably pass Marino for a couple of key milestones, but you don't have to do that either. You won a Super Bowl, he didn't. If you're a few yards short or a couple touchdown passes behind, no one is going to hold it against you when it comes to historical comparisons.  You have nothing left. 

Let this one go, walk off the field on your own terms, take a few years off, work on a few more deadpan commercials, root for your brother, but don't come back. Don't ruin your legacy as a Colt. Even as a rival Patriots fan who has absolutely hated you for the entirety of your career I know how much more it will mean if you retire a life long Colt. The time is now. Make the right decision.

Tom Brady Has to be the Only Quarterback in History to Marry Up with Gisele, Right?

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Gisele Bundchen is set to become the world's first billionaire supermodel. Forbes says the 31-year-old Brazilian beauty has earned roughly $250 million over the last decade. Mrs. Tom Brady has a new lingerie company that is a joint venture with Brazil's version of Victoria's Secret - called Hope - as well as new endorsement deals for Versace and Dior. Forbes says it is possible Gisele ends her career with a 10-figure bank account.

 Do you think this is why Tom Brady is so driven even after all his success? He has to be the only quarterback ever who was actually able to score up, right? Never mind a three time Super Bowl winner, and two time MVP.

She's undoubtedly more world famous than he is and she makes straight up Scrooge McDuck Cash (TB's not broke but compared to Giselle he looks like one of the guys at my local Tedeschi's just sitting around playing the 12-spot game on Keno all day).

Do you realize how hard it is for an NFL QB to score up? These guys can pretty much settle for any pretty young face they want, (unless your name is Brett Favre and you fail miserably at sexting buxom sideline reporters) and yet Brady somehow came away with one of the 3 or 4 women in the world where he'd be the lesser half in the couple. It's gotta make him feel at least in some way inadequate and drive him to be better, like if you don't think Giselle is on his ass about winning a 4th title this week, you're crazy. Tom probably wakes up in cold sweats from nightmares where Joe Montana and Gisele cuckold him after he fails once again to get his 4th ring.

It's crazy to think, but it 100% explains the oddball behavior he engages in from time to time, the Euro-hair, the Uggs endorsement, this picture, and definitely this picture too. Guy is doing whatever he can to hang on, so the best thing for Pats nation this week is to pray to God that Gisele is nagging his ass about winning this game. None of this supportive wife, "do your best" bullshit. Just tearing into him, telling him what a pathetic loser he'll be if he loses, because if that's indeed what she's doing, watch out G-Men.

Has Ray Lewis Killed Billy Cundiff Yet?

MEDFORD (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The printing presses are working overtime to keep up with demand for AFC championship merchandise. The hats and T-shirts were already on store shelves Sunday night at Modells. The sporting goods store opened extra early Monday to accommodate eager fans. FOX 25's Tyisha Fernandes has more.

Look, I was excited as anyone when Mr. Evans dropped that pass, I nearly shat myself. When Billy Cundiff shanked that kid, I actually did shit myself. Was just hopping up and down yelling he missed, and sharted a little out of excitement. Whatever, it's not a big deal, you want to know what's more embarrasing than that? Rushing out to Modells to buy Patriots AFC Championship Gear.

What are you guys, a bunch of never-been-here-before losers? If you're over the age of 12 and are rocking AFC Champs gear today, then I think it's safe to assume you're currently on hold with WEEI, trying to call in and see what the hosts think about maybe starting Brian Hoyer in the Superbowl over Tom Brady because of Tom's poor play yesterday.  I mean what's the upside here? You wear that hat or shirt as many times as you can in the next 13 days? Then what? One way or the other after Super Bowl Sunday you're never wearing that again. If they lose, you're burning that gear, if they win, you've just replaced it with actual championship gear. You gotta think people.

Now back to the actual game, I'll be re-living this sequence the entire day in my cube. There is 0% chance I get anything done today.

PS: Side note, Jim Nantz waxing poetic about Ray Rice soaking up all the tales of the Ravens 2000 Superbowl team from Ray Lewis every day in the locker room was the height of comedy.  I'm pissed I can't find an audio clip of it, because, if you're Phil Simms, how do you not ask Nantz; "Do you think he ever mentions killing that one guy the night before the super bowl?" It would have been the greatest moment in tv history.