And I would Have Guessed Paris Hilton Was One of the Gay's Most Eloquent Spokes People...

I remember you dude, you were on The Hills...now you're wearing Tutu's and dead behind the eyes...funny how that works...yes I watched The Hills...shut up. 

TMZ - Some of Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriends are so obviously gay ... it's shocking she hadn't heard of Grindr before her recent AIDS rant -- this according to the makers of the gay phone app. Grindr tweeted at Paris moments ago, writing, "Frankly, we're surprised that you hadn't heard about Grindr sooner, given some of the guys you date." Grindr then links to the above photo of Paris and her ex-boyfriend Doug Reinhardt from a 2009 costume party, where Doug is dressed like a fairy. (Okay, that's pretty funny.) You'll recall, Paris was speaking about Grindr when she said, "Gay guys are the horniest people in the world ... they're disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS."

Putting aside the fact that Paris Hilton sounds like an 80's Coke-Whore Floozy, back when everyone assumed that AIDS was just a Male-on-Male Butt Sex disease...The line that really caught me was this:

 "Frankly, we're surprised that you hadn't heard about Grindr sooner, given some of the guys you date."

Is that allowed now? I always assumed that if I implied someone was gay in any kind of negative fashion (as this quote clearly does) that I'd be cast aside in society, tossed in the same group as white folks who toss around the N-word because there was a black kid in their 4th grade class that they traded lunches with once.

A spokes person from Big Gay needs to come down and weigh in on this, stat. It could be one of those cases where anyone that is gay can say it, and anyone that isn't cant, which I'm cool with, but if the gay humor barrier has just been broken I think some kind of public announcement should be made.

Who Ya Got? More Improbably Alive: Magic Johnson or Alonzo Mourning?

Who Ya Got? Seeing Zo the other night in his misery surrounded by a sea of blue honky's made me remember something, Zo is still alive. 

Which shocked me, because at various times I could have sworn he was going to die within 12 months due to some rare kidney disease, I think he retired a couple of times, came back, retired, said he was really sick (that's not me doubting him, fyi), got a kidney transplant, came back for a few years, and now he's fine? Just traveling around with the Heat like a grown man mascot? 

On the other hand you have Magic who, through laughs, smiles, and a shit ton of money, might as well be patient zero as far as beating HIV/AIDS goes. 

For me, I'm going to go with the upset and say it's more improbably that 'Zo is still alive. Magic might have been one of the first to live through HIV but its become more common since. They found the right cocktail of pills and he was on his way.  Zo needed a kidney transplant to live. There are very few people on earth I'd give my kidney to. Alonzo, no offense, isn't on that list. Not only did he need to find someone willing to give him AN ORGAN, he needed to find someone willing to give him an organ that was a genetic match. Those odds are nowhere near in your favor. 

Of course there could be a really simple explanation as to how both of these men are still alive: Pat Riley is some kind of Silver Fox Grand Wizard. 

A modern day witch doctor or disease whisperer for African American basketball players. Lebron, Wade, Bosh, they didn't choose South Beach because of the weather and the abundance of ass on the beaches, they chose it because they'll never die of a communicable or genetic disease as long as Pat Riley is at the helm...Hell, right now the Heat have Ronny Turiaf and Eddie Curry on their roster, two guys, playing in the NBA, with congenital heart issues. That's the Pat Riley effect. 

Man Holds Up Gambling Parlor By Threatening them with Staph Infection

Wouldn't be so tough if it was AIDs he was threatening  you with.

SHARON, Pa. - Police say a man tried to rob a western Pennsylvania gambling parlor by threatening to spread a staph infection. Online court records don't list an attorney for 41-year-old Fred Parker, of Coolspring Township. Police say he walked into Lucky's Internet Cafe in Sharon on Monday night and began touching the walls and gambling machines, claiming he has MRSA — a serious staph infection that resists antibiotics.

Why would you say Staph? You don't go with AIDS here? Nine times out of ten when you walk into a gambling saloon people aren't even going to know what Staph is, right? Nevermind this random strain that he was claiming to have...I consider myself much smarter than the average person but if someone came in threatening me with something called MRSA Staph, I'd have no idea what the fuck he was talking about, I'd legitimately have to ask him what kind of danger level I'm facing. 

ME: "Can't I just treat it with penicllian?"

Generic Bad Guy: "No, it's a special strain." 

ME: "Well surely if I run right over to the hospital, I'll end up ok, right? I mean, I'm in otherwise good health."

Generic Bad Guy: "Yea, they could probably help you out, you'd get fairly sick until they figure out how to treat it, see there are treatments, but none are 100% effective so its kind of a trial by error process."

ME: "Oh, thanks, that's pretty informative. How about this, I give you some of my money, in exchange for you not sticking me with that nuissance of an infection you've got there? I mean, it's not AIDs, I can't give you all my money."

Generic Bad Guy: "You know what? You've got a deal?"

Would that really be worth it? Having to painstakingly explain to me how deadly or not deadly the disease you may or may not have in your needle is? Probs not. Just go with AIDs, regardless of whether or not you've got access to AIDs,  you're still walking out with everything I've got, it's the Golden Gun of infection diseases.