MIAMI – It's not that body parts never wash ashore on Florida beaches. But usually it's not an eye the size of a softball.
State wildlife officials are trying to determine the species of a blue eyeball found by a man Wednesday at Pompano Beach, north of Fort Lauderdale.
They put the eyeball on ice so it can be analyzed at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Research Institute in St. Petersburg.
Agency spokeswoman Carli Segelson says the eyeball likely came from a marine animal, since it was found on a beach. Possible candidates include a giant squid, a whale or some type of large fish.
Can I ask a serious question? Does it stink? I have to believe that thing stinks. Like I'm imagining the worst smelling pus (don't act like I'm the only one who's smelled pus from time to time), x100. Really lacking report here.
You can't just show me an eyeball the size of a softball and then tell me absolutely nothing about it. I'm legitimately freaked out here...like that eyeball is exactly how a J.J Abrams movie about the end of the world would start. Just some random tourist taking an early morning walk down the beach, and then BOOM. Giant eyeball, girlfriend freaks out and runs up the beach, boyfriend stares at it in bewilderment waiting for authorities in hazmat suits to show up...and you bet your life he comments on how bad that thing fucking stinks.
What do they all have in common? OBAMAPHONES BABY!
Fox News - A Mexican telecom mogul who holds the title of world's richest man, and one of President Obama's top donors are both getting even richer from the U.S. government program that supplies so-called "Obamaphones" to the poor.
Carlos Slim, who has an estimated net worth of $70 billion, owns a controlling stake in TracFone, which makes $10 per phone for each device it provides to poor Americans. The company, whose president and CEO is Frederick “F.J.” Pollak, also makes money from extra minutes and data plans it sells to subscribers who get phones and service through the government's Lifeline program. The program, which began in the mid-1980s, has exploded in the past four years after being expanded from supplying landlines to the poor to providing cellular phones...The phones came into the national spotlight after a viral video surfaced on YouTube in which a Cleveland, Ohio, woman praised the president, saying he needed to be re-elected because he gives out free phones.
I'll be honest, I kinda didn't believe this whole Obamaphone thing up until I read that the world's richest man was involved. I guess it has to be true then? Obama just tossing out cheapy sample phones in the ghetto like Stringer Bell's crew passing out samples of their latest product to junkies? Does that make Romney Omar? That can't be right...this analogy fell apart fast.
Bottom line, apparently Obamaphones are real, this woman is really, really happy about that, and the worlds richest man, a Mexican (come on America), is laughing while he lights cigars with US tax payer $20 bills...'Merica.
Daily Mail - A Detroit woman and her one-year-old daughter are being forced to live with a squatter in their own home until a housing court decides on eviction proceedings.
Homeowner Heidi Peterson claims the squatter, former tenant Missionary-Tracey Elaine Blair, took over the residence while Peterson was away for a year during extensive home repairs.
After the necessary repairs were complete, Peterson returned last week only find out that Blair had changed the locks. She had also taken the liberty to decorate the house, rework the plumbing and replace appliances... She also discovered Blair had managed to put a lien on the house, which she had told the city was abandoned, reports MyFoxDetroit.com.
Blair, who is a write-in candidate for U.S. President, refuses to leave. And until a housing court evicts her, Blair, Peterson and Peterson's baby girl are forced to live under the same roof.
Ok first of all, the fact that a judge basically telling a rightful home owner and her one year old daughter, "tough shit" you have to live with this crazy ass squatter who broke in, rearranged the plumbing, and hung up pictures of her family, isn't the most bizarre portion of this story is absolutely bananans.
Because by far the most bizarre story is this squatter/missionary lady (above) identifying herself as a write-in candidate for the President of the United States, and even has pins made up for her campaign! This woman is off the reservation!..Every Tom, Dick, Sally, and Scooby-Doo is a write in candidate for the United States, but you don't go making up pins identifying yourself as such! I'm fairly certain Jack Bauer won the general election at least one of the years 24 was on (still lost, Stupid Electoral College system) but even he wasn't running around making buttons up for a campaign.
Second of all...It's Detroit ladies. Couldn't one of you just move a couple blocks down the street and find another house to squat in? Or even buy? I mean what's the average mansion go for in downtown Detroit? $15K? That's less than a monthly car payment. Just move. Here, plenty of options, some decent houses as low as $6k...I'd advise you splurge a bit on an alarm and a shotgun, you know given Detroit's status as America's Kosovo.
Jezebel - Today, let me introduce you to a practice known as "slut-dropping." Apparently it's all the rage in the UK, and I'm shocked that it hasn't caught on Stateside, since this sounds right up a lot of jerks' alleys. Here goes: A gang of merrymaking young squires careens around the local village in an auto-mobile during the wee hours of the morning. When they see a young lass stumbling home alone from a night of intoxicating fun, wearing clothing indicative of both the presence of sexuality and the wearer's awareness of said sexuality, they stop the car and offer to give the damsel in distress a ride home. What gentlemen! BUT THERE'S A TWIST.
Instead of driving the girl home, they drive her in the opposite direction of her home, as far as they possibly can, and then, when they get to the TBD nowhere spot, they drop her off, laughing and laughing like teenage Mitt Romney cutting a gay kid's hair, and drive away, filming the "slut" they just "dropped" as she angrily/sadly watches them recede from her.
What sort of barbarians would pull such a stunt? Why, college blokes, just having a bit of fun during a time known as "freshers' week" in the UK. In the US, depending on where you went to school, it's called "freshman orientation week" or "pledge week" or "the entirety of your freshman year," and in both places, the introduction of new students to a college or university campus provides the perfect opportunity to teach those incoming freshmen important lessons about life.
Ok, first of all, Slut Dropping is already a universally recognized dance move...actually dance move doesn't even do it justice, it's more of a mating call:
Typically not performed in front of mothers performing domestic duties, but still, you get the point. So, sorry UK, but you'll need to rename this "slut-dropping" thing.
Secondly, there's a reason this fad hasn't made it stateside...it's dumb as fuck. I don't know what you cheeky bastards consider a good time in the UK, but the goal in the US is usually to have the "sluts" come back to your dorm or vice-versa. Not drop them off in the middle of no-where. It kinda defeats the purpose. I mean, I know when I was in college the goal wasn't to find the somewhat drunk girl in the highest heels and pushiest of push up bra's, win her trust and gratefulness by offering her a ride home, and then pissing her off by leaving her at some remote destination while my friends and I go back to the dorm to play Madden...But hey, have fun being the freshman on campus known for driving scantily-clad girls of loose morals miles and miles away from campus, should make you real popular the Bible Study crowd I guess...
Oh and thirdly, this sounds vaguely like kidnapping.
Boston - Though he said it with a wink and a smile, Wes Welker's postgame comment on Comcast SportsNet New England on Sunday night about his 13-catch game ("It's nice to stick it in Bill's face once in a while") certainly became water-cooler and talk-show fodder Monday...Welker probably knew that it had blown up and didn't run from it today, speaking with reporters in the Patriots' locker room. He explained that it was said in jest.
"Yeah, I mean ... it was a joke. I don't know what else to say about it; it was a joke. But Bill and I, whether y'all believe it or not, have a good relationship and it was a joke and I'll make sure to keep that in-house going forward," he said.
He fucking winked, people!
Example 1A of why the majority of local athletes treat the Boston sports media and their requests for interviews as if they were Nigerian princes asking you to help them gain custody of their vast treasure chests of gold coins and diamonds.
I mean, a guy can't walk up to the podium, blatantly wink while saying something completely in jest, without having to spend the entire next day explaining himself...and they wonder why so many of our local athletes are hesitant to talk off the cuff. Are you kidding me?
I always kind of assumed that most media members and journalists had some understanding of the nuances of the english language, but maybe sarcasm some how escapes them? Sort of similar to that Ricky Gervais movie, The Invention of Lying...That's the only realistic situation here, right? That they've never before encountered sarcasm?
Or I could just be honest and be like...Stacey Dash folks, she's still got it! Jeepers Crow. Woman is like 46 and doesn't look a day past her prime thigh-high stockings and plaid skirts days of Clueless...I'll be honest I kinda forgot about Stacey Dash, but back in the day I thought she was the bees knees. I wouldn't have admitted it back then but back in the day any time Clueless was on HBO or some cable station that was a much watch for me. As an 11-12 year old tween that was as good as it gets and Stacey Dash was my girl.
Oh...as far as the political side to this post, apparently Ms. Dash is supporting Romney and the black twitter community has a huge problem with this...you know, because she's black...
Fox -“Clueless” star Stacey Dash recently tweeted her support for Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, accompanied by a patriotic swimsuit picture of herself...“You’re an unemployed black woman endorsing Mitt Romney. You’re voting against yourself thrice. You poor beautiful idiot,” one Twitter user wrote, while @Black Voice wrote, “Stacey Dash had a perm since birth. I knew I couldn’t trust her.. lol.”
Others accused the actress of “voting for white supremacy,” claiming she “is white with a dark tan,” and calling Dash a slew of offensive names.
Several other Obama supporters even went as far as to encourage “the old hag” to “kill herself.”
Inquirer - MIAMI—The winner of a roach-eating contest in South Florida died shortly after downing dozens of the live bugs as well as worms, authorities said Monday.
About 30 contestants ate the insects during Friday night’s contest at Ben Siegel Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach about 40 miles (64 kilometers) north of Miami. The grand prize was a python.
Edward Archbold, 32, became ill shortly after the contest ended and collapsed in front of the store, according to a Broward Sheriff’s Office statement released Monday. He was taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead. Authorities were waiting for results of an autopsy to determine a cause of death.
“Unless the roaches were contaminated with some bacteria or other pathogens, I don’t think that cockroaches would be unsafe to eat,” said Michael Adams, professor of entomology at the University of California at Riverside, who added that he has never heard of someone dying after consuming roaches. “Some people do have allergies to roaches,” he said, “but there are no toxins in roaches or related insects.”
You see, Big Network TV? You see what you've done? Without the legitimate and safe outlet for bug eating exploits provided by Fear Factor, this is what people are turning to...unsanctioned amateur roach eating contests (and apparently worms...seems like a real amateur move to fill up on worms during a roach eating contest) and tragic deaths. And for what? A snake? I've owned a python, they're like $75-$100 tops...At least Joe Rogan was tossing around tens of thousands of dollars and the promise of reality tv groupy sex. This prize sucks. Kinda makes you wonder if it was all worth it.
Fox - Facebook wants you to advertise … to your friends.
The world’s largest social network, which announced Thursday that it has crossed the billion-user mark, has struggled to make money from its enormous pool of users. The solution: Turning individual users into advertisers...Facebook announced Wednesday that Joe Sixpack will soon be able to ensure that you're reading his messages, thanks to an expansion of the Promoted Posts program, which lets businesses pay anywhere from a few dollars to a few thousand to ensure that hundreds of thousands of Facebookers see your posts.
“As part of a test starting today, people in the U.S. can promote personal posts to their friends on Facebook,” explained Abhishek Doshi, a software engineer, on Facebook’s website. “When you promote a post -- whether it’s wedding photos, a garage sale, or big news -- you bump it higher in news feed so your friends and subscribers are more likely to notice it.”..Facebook announced Wednesday that Joe Sixpack will soon be able to ensure that you're reading his messages, thanks to an expansion of the Promoted Posts program, which lets businesses pay anywhere from a few dollars to a few thousand to ensure that hundreds of thousands of Facebookers see your posts.
“As part of a test starting today, people in the U.S. can promote personal posts to their friends on Facebook,” explained Abhishek Doshi, a software engineer, on Facebook’s website. “When you promote a post -- whether it’s wedding photos, a garage sale, or big news -- you bump it higher in news feed so your friends and subscribers are more likely to notice it.”
Ok, I'm not going to get all dramatic and say that if you do this I'll un-friend you, I'm not going to bitch about the fact that on top of having to wade through countless advertisements for Tide Detergent and Duracell batteries every time I log on to Facebook just to see what my fake internet friends are up to, I'm now going to have to add advertisements specifically from those fake internet friends for garage sales, craigslist adds, and awesome pictures of what they had for dinner...I'm fine with all that.
I'm just going to say, if you're one of these people who feels the need to pay Facebook to ensure people see your post/status update/picture of food...You really need to look in the mirror and take stock of your life. Really think about what that's saying about you. You're basically paying to advertise the fact that not only do you assume internet strangers and fake friends who, by logging into Facebook, are admitting they've got nothing better to do than to kill time and look for gossip fodder, aren't going to find you interesting enough to pay attention to...But that also your real friends have so little interest in what's going on in your life (or what you purport to be your life through phony updates) that they're just going to skim right by your updates. That's what you're saying.
So if you're at that point, I'd say paying $7 for a post that says "Little Caroline's First Poop on the Potty!", shouldn't be your top priority. Maybe getting out and seeing some real people, or a shrink perhaps. At the very least pick up the phone and talk to an actual human voice. Because when you're at the point where you're literally paying for the lowest form of human contact imaginable, the "Like", that's when you know you really need help.
Boston - Michelle Kosilek, the convicted murderer who is seeking a taxpayer-funded sex change operation, is asking for more than $800,000 in attorney’s fees and costs...Kosilek won her legal battle in US District Court in September. But the state is appealing the controversial ruling by US District Judge Mark Wolf that the surgery is the only adequate care for Kosilek’s gender identity disorder...Under Globe policy, Kosilek is being referred to as a woman because that is the gender with which she identifies. Born Robert Kosilek, Michelle Kosilek began transitioning to a female identity in 1990, the year that she strangled her then-wife. She has been staying in a men’s prison while taking hormones and developing female physical qualities.
So this has been the hot topic around Boston for what seems like months now, should this dude Robert (I know, why'd he pick Michelle right? Isn't Roberta the obvious choice?), a convicted murder serving life, be entitled to a state funded sex change because he views himself as a woman...Let's first state the obvious, No. Apparently though, the legal system has lost interest in common sense, and now he's going to become a she, on tax payer dimes, barring a successful appeal.
From the State's side, the tax payers side, or basically anyone or anything that has a basic level of common sense, this is an abomination. But from a prisoners side? Genius I say. So here's the toss up: Would you rather serve life in male prison with your natural born dick, or life in woman's prison, at the expense of a little nip and tuck.
This poor dude
Now this is life. You're not getting out. No parole. No good behavior. You're going to die in that cell. And I say fuck it, bring on the knife. I know myself, I know I'd last one hour in prison before my first anxiety attack over being raped by that guy with the lisp and his pocket hanging out of his pants from prison break. Screw that. I'll take a lifetime of scissoring with no dick over the threat of being some dude's pet. No shame in that. I'd say having no dick but living as the bull of the females prison is 100% more masculine than having your dick but using some large man's hairy stomach as your pillow when you go to bed a night for the rest of your life.
So Robert, I get it. I do. But you're still an asshole.
