America's Useless Education System

Anyone else ever bothered by how much useless knowledge you have? Or how that space you'll never get back could have been used for more productive or profitable information?

I constantly think about this, and it goes beyond just having meaningless trivia knowledge.  I'm talking about stuff that has been ingrained since my elementary school days. Stupid stuff that we have no real need for and never will, even the trivial stuff comes in handy when watching Jeopardy with friends, trivia night at bars, or filling out crossword puzzles.  The stuff I'm talking about is truly useless.

Two examples taught to everyone in my generation (and presumably still being taught); hand writing and Roman numerals.  I can think of  no point in time in my life beyond the point where I was being graded for my knowledge and expertise of each subject that I have needed either of these arcane literary tools.

Hand writing- The generation prior to mine was probably the last to need this, and even then it was for a small window in time.  Why are we still wasting time on this? If I never needed it, kids today certainly won't.  Ever since about the 5th grade the only time I've used cursive is signing checks and/or legal documents.  That's it.  Teach these kids how to create a rock star signature (I personally spent hours perfecting mine on Little League baseball photos made to look like actual baseball cards), and just leave it at that. An awesome signature will take you places in life, much more-so than perfecting the lower case z.  Start teaching kids to type, give them a skill that might actually get them a job, assuming there are still jobs in this country when they get older.  If I see one more co-worker pecking away with just their index fingers I'm going to snap.  You're an adult, type like an adult. 

Roman Numerals - Of all the subject matter I've retained in life this is by far the biggest waste of space.  Aside from Super Bowls (which needs to stop, I'm sure the average country bumpkin NFL fan has no clue what these mean anyway) I've never needed this.  For that matter I'm pretty certain the majority of my ancestors have never needed this either, yet we keep teaching it to children.  Roman numerals were replaced sometime during the 14th century!  Kids aren't taught Latin anymore because its a dead language (even though its far more relevant and useful than Roman Numerals), yet we keep pushing this system that was deemed replaceable 700  years ago (for obvious reasons, think about how confusing multiplication would be, trying being eight years old and wrapping you're mind around X x X = C). Do you think the Japanese are wasting time with this foolish system? I don't.  They dropped the abacus a long time ago, its time for us to drop this.  You want to teach the kids a neat form of code? Teach them computer/internet code.  Unless the kids are aspiring to careers that involve cave drawings, I'm pretty sure learning a few basic lines of code a year will benefit the them and our future society much more. 

The American job market is evolving, our education system needs to do the same.  It's too late for my generation, at least give the next one a chance, and besides, someone needs to support my social security checks when I retire.

Am I a Middle Manager?

Monday again, bringing another week of  middle managing for the CW.  Probably the biggest reason I started this blog was to take my mind off the fact that Monday-Friday from the hours of 10-7 I am a robotic, cold, soul-less middle manager.  At least I hope I am.

Allow me to explain.  You see, I have all the responsibilities of a middle manager (aka annoying crap), along with a slight power and salary edge over the members of my team, all key indicators pointing to being a middle manager.  I however have noticed two things in the past few months that have made me think I may be even lower on the totem poll than I thought.  Somewhere lower than middle manager, yet higher than entry level employee.  A little slice of heaven hell I like to call Corporate Limbo.

First, and this is definitely the more important of the two, I haven't received a corporate issue Blackberry.  As we all know, the corporate Blackberry is the international symbol of the middle manager (some of you might point out that executives also carry Blackberry's and are now wondering how you can tell the difference between a happy, successful exec and a miserable, depressed middle manager.  Have no fear, as a general rule of thumb if the Blackberry is a current or very recent model they are presumably an exec, if the Blackberry in question is a few model years old and built like a tank you can presume the person in possession is a middle manager).  Middle managers live and breathe their company 24 hours a day with the small hope of some day making the executive level, this is most evident when observing their bionic hand feeding them a constant stream of corporate communications and client e-mails that they are able to delete immediately upon receipt, as opposed to just waiting until 10 am the next day as I currently do. 

Secondly, my manager is definitely a middle manager (all the aforementioned responsibilities, power, salary, and he has the blackberry).  By default I don't think I can have the same title as the person I directly report to, that would cause the kind of corporate chaos that led to the downfall of Initech.  No, my title and status have to be a rung below his if only to keep the actual middle manager's self-esteem high enough that the company can deflect their responsibility to provide depression counseling.  I think I'll title myself a "Lower Level Leader."  It's alliterative (always a plus when introducing new corporate jargon), and pretty accurately describes my current status level. 

My question is should I be happy about this?  I've avoided the public stigma (in my mind) that goes with being a middle manager, but I've ultimately admitted that I'm a level lower.  Leave a comment, let us know what you think, or where you rank in the corporate ladder.

Alt-Tabs Friday Bonanza Edition

I’d like to give a special acknowledgment to all of my readers spread through out Eastern Asia.  I have no idea how they found me but my burgeoning blog empire seems to have planted roots in the Far East.

 

Spaghetti Tacos -“This combination seems to be inevitability, sort of like chocolate and peanut butter running into each other on that Reese’s commercial,” he said. “The amazement should be only that it took ‘iCarly’ to bring it into our melting pot of a culture. Spaghetti tacos has made it possible to eat spaghetti in your car, he said. It’s a very important technological development. You don’t even need a plate.”

This is amazing! I literally average 3.5-4 meals a week that consist of either some form of Spaghetti or Taco night.  It’s astounding that I’ve never put two and two together.  And it’s not like I’m not an experimental eater either, I’ve been pushing peanut butter and turkey sandwiches on anyone who will listen for years now, but some how this beautiful concoction flew right under my radar.

Boston Transit Authority Cracking Down -The MBTA is cracking down on fare evasion this week, stepping up efforts on the commuter rail, subway, and bus systems against passengers who attempt to slip through the turnstiles without paying or to sneak by with expired or counterfeit passes, transit officials said.

            Here’s an idea, instead of the MBTA bitching about being broke and defaulting on their debts why don’t they focus on collecting subway and bus fares every week?  I’d say on any given Green Line train during the day a good 10-20% of the riders hopped on for free.  Hell, all the stops don’t even have turnstiles. And don’t even get me started on the buses.  Granted I’ve only rode a few times but I’ve never been charged and I’ve seen entire families pay the boarding fee by simply shrugging their shoulders when asked to purchase a ticket.  Wouldn’t hurt to fire the hard working lazy asses that constantly ignore the alarm when it goes off because that would mean setting down their newspaper and getting out of their chair.

African man with 100 Wives Passes Away - Ancentus Akuku, a legendary Kenyan polygamist, passed away due to natural causes; he was in his late 90s. He first married in 1939, became a polygamist at 22 and married his last wife in 1992. He had more than 100 wives, and more than 200 children, each of whom he named personally. He had so many children that he set up two schools to educate them.

            All right I’ll throw out the obvious joke; Ancentus Akuku schooled more Africans than the United Negro College Fund!

NY Subway Transit Raises Price -While I feel for New Yorkers because of the hike I still have to assume that’s a bargain price for the entertainment they're provided.  If it’s anything like my orange line rides, littered with drunks, junkies, and obnoxious urban youths show casing their hip-hop skills then they have nothing to complain about.  And everyone knows all the great subway talent resides in New York.  For a blogger a $104 monthly pass would pay for itself in material

Massachusetts Wastes Money on Horse Bridge - (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - While hundreds of Massachusetts bridges are in need of serious repairs, one bridge is being replaced even though nothing heavier than a horse is expected to go over it. The span known as the horse bridge crosses over Route 24 in Randolph and is being rebuilt for $4.6 million, up from its original price tag of $2.6 million. It connects one portion of the 238-acre Blue Hills Reservation with another.

            Really? Do I even need to come up with snarky, pessimistic comments here or should common sense cover it? There is an election for Governor next week, any of the candidates looking for last minute campaign suggestions would do well to shed light on this project and promise to shut it down, immediately.  And what’s with this $2 million bump in price? What kind of estimate is that? Did the bridge all of a sudden double in size? Or did the wallets of a few local politicians?  I’m no expert but I’m sure I could call a bridge building company tomorrow and have a horse bridge/overpass built and completed by December for less than $50K.  This post was paid for by the CW for State Treasurer committee. 

London Takes Civilian Spying to a Whole New Level - LONDON (Reuters) – Anyone who owns a laptop computer can now fight crime from the safety of their home and win cash prizes for catching thieves red-handed, under a new British monitoring scheme that went live this week. The service works by employing an army of registered armchair snoopers who watch hours of CCTV footage from cameras in stores and high street venues across the country. Viewers can win up to 1,000 pounds ($1,600) in cash a month from Devon-based firm Internet Eyes, which distributes the streaming footage, when offenders are caught in the act.

Sign me up! Once you get past the whole blatant government intrusion of privacy can you imagine the fun to be had prank calling shop keepers alerting them to nonexistent shoplifters? If the Simpsons were still funny and/or relevant Bart would have had a field day with this news.

That’s all for today, have a great weekend.  If you like what you’ve been reading tell one friend to check it out, much appreciated. 

            -CW

Public Service Announcement

It seems the men in my office need a refresher on urinal etiquette.  Seriously, its been like working with a bunch of kindergartners, all trying to figure out how the whole bathroom scene works on their first day of school.  At a bare minimum I would have expected everyone to realize you shouldn't drop your pants at the urinal, but alas it seems we need to start from scratch, so here are a few common rules for urinal use.

1. Don't drop your pants at the urinal.  Like I said, thought this one was pretty obvious. No one needs to turn the corner to see a grown man bare assed whizzing away.
2. Proximity - Disturbing trend at my work is the urinal hugger, these people are just jamming their stuff and entire midsection into the outer rim of the urinal.  There's no avoiding the back splash at that this point, you might as well throw your shirt in the laundry while you're washing your hands.  A good rule of thumb is about 9 inches back (assuming your bathroom has the dividers between urinals). Any further and you're risking shoe splatter.
3. Eye contact- This should be pretty straight forward, literally.  This isn't much of an issue at my office, not many wandering eyes, bad for careers.  Head straight down isn't the most natural look either, its uncomfortable knowing the dude next to you is inspecting himself for infections from the past weekend.
4. Finally, flush the toilet.  It's disgusting and germ-a-phobia is no excuse.  You wash your hands on the way out, the half second touch it takes to flush the toilet isn't going to result in you catching a whole new brand of AIDS or hep.  No one wants to walk in and deal with your stagnant and unnaturally dark colored piss (you may want to focus on hydration as well).

UPDATE: It's been brought to my attention that I've overlooked one extremely important rule in urinal use.  Urinal Selection.  General rule of thumb go for the most elbow room possible.  If there are 3 urinals and all are empty you take the one to the left or right.  If you take the middle you're opening yourself up to some serious questions.  If you blatantly choose the urinal next to someone despite other openings without neighbors then that person has every right to kick your ass if in the proper setting (bars, ball games, city toilets etc...)

Media Darling/Big Weirdo Creep

So the Brett Favre/Jenn Sterger rumors are back (here if you haven't been following), with Deadspin claiming to have copies of the alleged sexts of Brett's manhood to prove it (I didn't check it out, but I can only assume it has Tom Jacksons lips attached to it).  As big as that news is on its own (or not big? maybe someone that saw the pics can comment) Brett made even bigger news today when he ducked the media on questions pertaining to the issue.

If you recall, Deadspin.com made allegations prior to this season that Brett Favre may have sent Jenn Sterger adulterous photos of himself and left questionable phone messages for her.

Sterger is a former contractor of the New York Jets and was working closely with the team as a sideline reporter when Favre was their quarterback.  Until today, Deadspin had not put forth any evidence to back up Sterger’s claims, but they have now posted some messages and photos.

“I’m not getting into that. I’ve got my hands full with the Jets,” was the only statement Favre made on the matter when it came up at his press conference today.

This is a man who basically invites the media to set up camp outside his Mississippi home each summer to watch him ride around on his lawn mower in his famous Wrangler jeans while he "decides" whether or not he's going to play one more season.  This is the man who ruined Sportscenter for myself and countless other sports fans, doing more to push the network further into the depths of Entertainment news than Barry Bonds, Tonya Harding, Lebron James, Roger Clemens and OJ Simpson combined.  

So on behalf of all sports fans, tired of their July and August sports news being hijacked season after season, we sincerely thank you Jenn Sterger.  You've done the impossible. You manged to get Favre to back away from the limelight.  The sports world is now a better place because of you.

PS. This blog is dedicated to AJ, one of the most devoted Favre haters of his generation. Happy Birthday AJ.

Alt-Tabs

Special Thursday Edition

Sky Lifter – These guys had to have come up with this while watching Up, right?  Since I assume as a general rule of thumb that only stoners would attempt to recreate a fantastical cartoon in real life, I have to believe this is horrible idea destined for failure. 

Hoe-Running Judge – Dude is a straight pimp.  Doesn’t even need to buy a judge either, he’s got that covered.  Only mistake was trusting a stripper, everyone knows they’ll sell you up the river first chance they get, they don’t even have souls.

Another Day, Another Foreign Politician Kicking Ass – Seriously Obama, can you give us at least one action shot? Save a cat from a tree? Help an old woman across the street? We need something; you’re making us look soft.

Vigilanty Justice – It’s about time someone finally took a stand against this look.  This aint the early 90’s anymore, you don’t see me rocking a fanny pack and Reebok pumps do you?  Gangbangers have had the same played out look for years and society has finally had enough. Kenneth E. Bonds was just the man to take the first stand.  He’ll no doubt be remembered as a fashion hero.

Vigilanty Justice II – Remind me not to speed through Belmont.  Screw overpaid police details and speed traps.  The state wants to save money, just have this woman go town to town training emotionally unstable and unemployed mothers and wives on the finer arts of dung throwing.  I’ve received two speeding tickets in my life and a couple of close call warnings but I still treat the speed limit as a general suggestion, I can tell you for certain that the first time I’m hit with a steamy pile of dog doo would absolutely be the last.

Unemployed Freelance Writer Complains that Life isn’t Free

“Are companies getting meaner? In a word, yes…

What do I mean, exactly? Here are a few examples:

Utility companies. Not that I'm proud to admit this, but I was recently behind on my electric bill, enough so that last month, I needed to pay it on the due date or risk being disconnected. As a freelance writer in a dodgy economy, it's a situation I've become used to. Last month, I called my utility company, Duke Energy, to inform it that a magazine I occasionally write for was finally sending me a paycheck on the very day my electricity was scheduled to be disconnected. I asked if it would mind moving my disconnect time from 8 a.m. on Sept. 20, the earliest point I could be disconnected, to later that afternoon or even the following day to ensure I'd have enough time to get my check, cash it and pay the bill.
Nope, I was told. I asked to speak to the supervisor and once again was told that they couldn't budge. The supervisor conceded that my request wasn't ridiculous and that in the past, they would have given me some wiggle room, but that the policy had recently changed.”

And the list goes on to include Airlines (bag fees), Cell phones (directory assistance fees, seriously who uses directory assistance? It’s called google), Buses (I’m not even sure what the complaint is), and newspapers (charging if you want tv listings included, or you could scroll through that handy guide on your screen, or google, again.)

Are companies getting meaner? NO.  You’re just a deadbeat.  It’s a recession lady (I actually just noticed the article was written by a Geoff, given the style and general bitching throughout the article I just cannot accept this as true). 

Your part time freelance scribblings aren’t getting the bills paid? Get a job at Starbucks with the rest of the self loathing English majors.  You don’t see me quitting my actual job just because I enjoy publishing my opinion for all to see, its called a hobby not a career. 

This current government is doing everything but inserting cash into the wallets for malcontents and complainers like you, and what do you do? You complain that businesses aren’t giving you handouts.  I hate baggage fees as much as the next person (by the way, Southwest might not charge baggage fees but their flight prices have been so much higher than other airlines lately that it all evens out, you either pay one high flat price or you pay the cheaper price and try to cram your shit into a carry on, your choice), but I understand that businesses need to make money somewhere to stay afloat.  Something the writer probably could have learned in college if they weren’t busy reading 19^th century English lit writings, which will come in handy never.

Winner Takes All

 I'm not quite sure what the opportunity is here that he's speaking about, but I am fucking on board. 

And no need to apologize for your tone sir, this is exactly the type of leader our system is craving in our time of need.  We've got Putin marching around like an action hero, the Bolivian president kicking ass and taking names on the pitch, all the while our "leaders" are trying to appease everyone at every turn (and we all know how that turns out).  

This is a man who has it figured out.  Politics aren't touch football! It's winner take all and it all ways has been (except when its not).

So that's it, screw the garbage man career, I'm moving to Stark County and riding this mans coattails to the top. I'm ready to rid the county of infestation. "Tell 'em I'm coming, both barrels, guns loaded."

I can only assume his masters in communication degree was obtained from the Dwight K. Schrute school of speech.

Alt-Tabs

Just one of those days, running way behind from the minute I walked in 5 minutes late (tabbing between all these links probably didn’t help). 

The Fox News Party – I mean that literally. As Politico recently pointed out, every major contender for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination who isn’t currently holding office and isn’t named Mitt Romney is now a paid contributor to Fox News.

Can they drop the fair and balanced slogan now?  Look I understand that both

major media outlets (CNN and Fox) have their own slants but this seems a bit over the top.  Despite my liberal bias I can’t say I completely blame Fox.  If there is no public, governmental, or regulatory interest in calling out such blatant political and journalistic conflicts of interest into question then why not? 

            The more ironic issue to me is the Republican party, publicly deriding and undermining the current administration with calls of communism and socialism at every corner, all the while lining their pockets with what is fast becoming the official media outlet of the conservative movement.  This would be a perfectly normal occurrence, if you resided in North Korea, China, Cuba, Venezuela, or Iran.

Search for Missing Balloonists Called Off – In the words of Chazz Reinhold, “What an idiot!”  In all seriousness, I feel for the families, but I’d be pissed if I was an Italian tax payer paying for this search.  You want to take up adventure sports and fly around in a wicker basket despite several other perfectly sane modes of transportation that’s fine.  But don’t expect an all points bulletin when something literally takes the hot air out from under you.

Big Brother Champ Admits Guilt – It’s not necessarily because he was selling drugs that makes this guy an idiot, it’s the tax evasion charge.  You were on national television! Everyone knows you won.  This genius basically took the exact opposite route that most drug dealers/underworld figures take.  He won a completely legal large sum of cash, only to attempt some kind of bizarre reverse money laundering scheme. 

Hancock Tower Sells Again – The real estate firm said it has bought the John Hancock Tower for $930 million after a fierce bidding war over the signature tower. Boston Properties already owns the neighboring Prudential building.

            The owners who sold are laughing all the way to the bank.  For those who don’t remember, the Hancock tower was bought in 2009 as a foreclosed property for $660 million.  I’m not sure what economy Boston Properties (the new buyers) have been watching but I haven’t noticed a 30% uptick in real estate prices in the last 12 months.

Read it to Believe it – I’m sure the complete breakdown of states that allow guns in bars correlates very strongly to state funding for education.  The last thing these hicks need is a holstered gun while watching their favorite SEC football teams at their local saloon. I’ll have a sarsaparilla and a six shooter.

Shut Down the Border – First they’re causing multiple car pile ups and now they’re trafficking in designer drugs.  I’m not trying to pick on you Canada but seriously clean up your act.   It’s a sad state of affairs too when Canadians are pulling the wool over on us.  Give credit to the Mexicans, at least they’re keeping us on our toes with underground tunnels and human mules.  Canadians are just slipping it in with flannel shirts, syrup and Canadian bacon imports.