Offensive T-Shirts like "Boobies Make Me Smile" Upsetting Parents of Young Kids

Courier Mail - T-Shirts with crude messages have now hit mainstream shopping malls courtesy of the big brands. New-season T-shirts from sports brand Adidas include one emblazoned with a topless girl in a sexy pose. While the Adidas logo covers the girl's nipples, there is an abundance of shirts with exposed nipples and bare bottoms on sale in big-brand stores and online. The Facebook page of the T-Base store at Sunshine Plaza, Maroochydore, features a photo of a boy wearing a "Boobies make me smile" T-shirt, and the store stocks tees with nipple-exposed shots of Kate Moss. Recently 60 of Australia's leading women's and children's advocates, including the Reverend Tim Costello and Australian Childhood Foundation chief executive Joe Tucci, signed an open letter to retailers urging them to stop selling sexualised T-shirts.

Let me ask a question here, are 12-14 year old kids buying their own clothes now? Is this a new thing of a sudden? Because when I was that age, my mom went to Bob's at like 9 AM one August morning, came back at 2 PM, an I had a wardrobe for the whole year. I didn't argue, I sure as shit wasn't going to be wasting prime Wiffleball and Manhunt hours in some retail clothing store. Told her what I wanted, (generally an abundance of t-shirts, windpants, and carpenter style jeans), and off she went.

Given this, I can say with 100% certainty that I wouldn't be walking around town rocking "Boobies Make Me Smile" t-shirts. Sure, Nana would supplement the clothing lineup come Christmas time, but again, the turtlenecks and button downs weren't exactly plastered with naked girl silhouettes. Just your standard cute grandchild apparel. 

The point I'm getting at here, is if you don't want your young child wearing a t-shirt that features the exposed-nipple of Kate Moss, maybe just don't buy it for him. Seems simple enough.

Wake Up with the Dumbest Game Show Contestants Ever, Seriously

Everyone take solace this Christmas season that you're at least smarter than these two birds, and you're probably smarter than a 5th grader, too.

Seriously, though, if there's like, a 6th grade teacher trying to stress the importance of proof reading to their students, this is probably as good of an example as you're going to get...I mean the bloke readily admitted he hadn't seen the movie, and he just went right along with this broads suggestion, didn't even bother to look back at the question...This girl heard "Timberlake," and "award," and immediately ran to Friends with Benefits...Listen sweety, I want to compound your problems here, but the only award that movie is taking home this season is best casual sex related film, over No Strings Attached. I certainly don't think we're going to be seeing Justin and Mila Kunis groping each other all over the stage at the Oscars, seems like the Academy frowns on that kind of thing.

How fast do you think this guy broke up with her? Yea they got the consolation prize of some luxury vacation, but I gotta believe he was trying to pick up hotties in the audience for that trip as soon as the cameras cut. They may say love is forever, but that's really tested when you watch your significant other, literally flush $1.5 million down the shitter.

Chris Paul Traded to the Lak….Wait, NBA Blocks Trade Under New “David Stern Can do Whatever the Fuck he Wants” Clause

Believe me CP3, I don't get it either.

Never fear Alt Tabbers, even without our valiant leader CW's sarcastic take on the daily news on this Friday, I am here to provide at least some distraction from your day in the form of another sports rant, my specialty. Yesterday night, ESPN Breaking news ticker at the bottom of the screen (“breaking news” in ESPN speak usually just means a relevant news tidbit that isn’t about the Heat/ Undefeated Packers/ Brett Favre) sent shockwaves through the entire league, with Chris Paul involved a three team deal sending him to the Celtics arch nemesis, the Lakers, with the writing on the wall pretty evident for additional moves to be made to bring in Dwight Howard. The players involved were either very good or solid and from my perspective, seemed like a reasonable deal for each team with an appropriate degree of positives and negatives. Paul goes to the Lakers to pair his superios point guard abilities with the last of what’s in the tank for Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol goes to the Rockets as essentially Yao Ming’s replacement on a smaller scale, and New Orleans nets a reasonably good haul of talent in Luis Scola (solid scorer and rebounder), Kevin Martin (lethal scorer when healthy) Lamar Odom (despite my dislike for him on many levels, an immensely versatile power forward) and Goran Dragic (young point guard with ability), especially considering Paul had drastically reduced the Hornets trade leverage by publicly stating he would not sign an extension with the team. Yet each team had a degree of risk as well, with the Lakers losing much of their interior defense and resting their hopes on Andrew “Made of Glass” Bynum staying healthy, the Rockets losing a great role player and depth in Scola, and New Orleans has to bring in solid players at the expense of the face of their franchise. All in all, a reasonable trade, right? Enter David “God Complex” Stern (In case you didn’t notice, I really enjoy giving people fake middle names that accentuate either their positive or (mostly) negative attributes.

Yet almost as soon as this deal was consummated, it was just as quickly annihilated by the NBA for “basketball reasons” What in the hell kind of cop of horse shit excuse is that? But hey, if you don’t have a valid foundation for your actions, vague terminology is the way to go. If anything, I would have thought Stern was giggling like a school girl as Paul was shipped to one of the biggest basketball markets in the country, then snuck into Otis Smith’s house with a revolver pressed to his head and demanded that he ship Howard out West for some type of Andrew Bynum/Steve Blake/Other garbage player that meets the salary requirements for a trade. Instead, Stern pulled a complete (to my utter surprise) 180 on this one, despite the precedent of superstars, after bitching or pining to be moved, being traded for quality players just last season (The Deron Williams/Carmelo Anthony deals both netted the superstars former teams effective talent or potential big players, like Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, and Raymond Felton for the Nuggets and Derrick Favors, Devin Harris and TWO first round picks for the Jazz.)

Stern’s new crusade is apparently to create a more even playing field for all teams in the league and reverse the trend of large market teams dominating year in and year out (because this doesn’t happen in football and baseball…oh wait, it does) due to the formation of “superteams.” In nixing the deal, Stern has apparently sent the absurd message to the ENTIRE LEAGUE that no matter how well you have put together your team, however financially responsible you have been in constructing player contracts, if he does not like a particular transaction, he can arbitrarily rule it null and void. This an egregious policy that rivals current NFL contractual rules that allow agreements to be voided when a franchise decides a player isn’t playing up to their value. Now every single NBA franchise has to walk on eggshells when conducting any trade or signing a player, due to the threat of the Almighty Stern imposing his divine will and nullifying a team’s efforts to improve its ability to compete. I don’t buy his “we need to make the league more fair” argument for a second. Look no further than the SAN ANTONIO SPURS, who drafted well, scouted their players, assembled a roster through smarts and savvy despite not being in a “major” market. Oklahoma City is the current poster child of a small market team also succeeding in the current landscape among the Goliaths of the league. Small market teams, though no graced with the resources of larger markets, shouldn’t need to be catered to be the powers of the league to be competitive. They need to be shrewd, make smart choices, and not destroy themselves with crippling contracts (Example: Atlanta Hawks giving Joe Johnson 120 million dollars over 6 years will just reek of regret in a few years, even if doesn’t already)

This could very well be one of the worst decisions made by a commissioner of a professional sport in recent history. I say that without the slightest trace of sarcasm or hyperbole. Stern has demonstrated, with one single act of all encompassing self interested power, that he considers himself larger than the league he is supposed to be supporting the best interests of. And you know what? It is a damned shame that the league I love has had this immense shadow cast over it due to the overzealous emotional reaction of singularly powerful individual.

The Alt-Tab's Annual Holiday Party Advice Blog

So yea...taking the day off, back in full force Monday, but here's a timely CW classic for you all to enjoy as we are in the thick of Holiday Work Party Season.

 CW's annual office Christmas Party Holiday Party (sorry have to keep it corporate...shit is "Holiday" allowed? Will that offend Jehovahs that don't celebrate anything?  Lets just replace Holiday with "Winter" and Party with "Event", that should cover it) Winter Event!   

Basically the only positive to working in a gigantic corporate office is that events like this have to be held at big restaurants or hotels in order to accomodate everyone, rather than the standard decorate the office and mingle party.  I look forward to it every year, and despite the fun and seemingly care free atmosphere there are some traps you need to avoid to survive the Holiday Party.

1.  Don't be the guy above.  Every year I see some rookie make the same mistake as he presumably did. "Oh there's free drink tickets until 10 pm? Double Fisting Time!" No dude, this isn't college and we're not at your Frats Christmas themed party.  I like the sauce as much as the next guy but getting as much liquor as you can into your system during the open bar period is a horrible rookie mistake.  We literally have one manager who just walks around during the night looking for jackasses that have had too much.  No one is really sure what happens to the few unlucky souls he finds each year, but they're never seen again and their cubes are always packed up and emptied before we get to work the next day.  Don't be that guy. Have a couple, and save the partying for the after party down the road.

2.  There's liquor, music, members of the opposite sex, and usually some dancing.  You will be lulled into thinking this is your regular Friday or Saturday night pick up seen.  This is a mistake.  Though your dance partner may have been throwing you all the signs you usually look for, you must resist.  First off, everyone else is watching and judging.  The older folks will be jealous of your youthful flirting and that jealousy will affect you in the office.  Secondly, God forbid you hit on the wrong person that some middle aged-middle manager who still lives with his mother has had a crush on but is too much of panzy to do anything about it.  You might as well kiss any chance for promotion goodbye. And finally, mainly for the guys, watch out for the sexual harassment claim.  This is still a work event, work rules apply.  Doesn't matter if the liquor has her loosened up, you don't want to come into work tomorrow at 9 AM with a message from HR asking to see you.

3. If you're feeling the affects of that third Long Island Iced Tea, stay away from the big wigs.  You'll be tempted to schmooze and rub elbows with the higher-ups, its one of the few chances a year you have to mingle with the decision makers.  Do you really want their lasting memory of you to be the guy who rambled on in slurring tones about your great ideas to improve the company (most of which probably involve ideas that will allow you to be lazier)?

4. Less of a rule, more of a guideline, try not to show up obviously hungover the next morning.  Everyone's going to be a bit slower moving the next day, its a given, but you don't want to be the guy/gal just sitting at their desk, head propped up by their arm just staring blankly ahead because motion makes you feel sick (yes I'm speaking from personal experience).  It makes you look irresponsible, and even worse it makes you look like a light-weight.  You cannot be labeled a light weight and expect to go on client trips.  75% of a client trip is dining and drinking (20% ass kissing and 5% actual work meetings in case you were wondering).  If management knows that you look like a homeless vagabond the morning after they're never going to send you anywhere.  That said:

5. DO NOT CALL OUT SICK.  I can't stress that enough. Like I said #4 is more of a guideline, not a hard fast rule.  This is the golden rule.  You call out sick you might as well start sending out resumes, because if you're not let go then you at the very least guarantee that you're not looking at a raise or promotion for the next 5 years. 

By the way, don't be shocked if tomorrow is a light day here at the Tabs.  Rule number 4 is a bitch to follow.

Principal Who Accused 9 Year Old of Sexual Harrassment Fired by Own Zero Tolerance Rule

MSNBC - The principal who accused a 9-year-old North Carolina boy of sexual harassment for allegedly calling a teacher "cute" has been forced to retire. The story of Emanyea Lockett's suspension last week, first reported by WSOC-TV of Charlotte, N.C., created a national controversy. Tuesday, the Gaston County School District apologized to the family and said there was no sexual harassment. Jerry Bostic, principal of Brookside Elementary School in Gastonia, told WSOC on Tuesday night that he had retired because of the controversy. "One mistake in 44 years, and I'm not given the benefit of the doubt. I really don't believe I was treated fairly," Bostic told the station.

It's about damn time one of these idiotic, over zealous, PC, educators got a taste of their own medicine. About Damn Time.  Oh, "wahh, one mistake and I don't get any benefit of the doubt, wahhhh." Fuck off. It's your own zero tolerance policy that got you in this mess in the first place, see what a mess you've created?

Was this 9 year old kid calling his teacher "cute" (or "Fine" as some reports have suggested) given the benefit of the doubt? Or was he treated like a sex offender because that's what the zero tolerance policy told you to do. 

Simply put, if the punishment is good enough for your students, then its good enough for the educators who put it in place. 

A great day for America in my mind. 

I Just Don't Get Words with Friends. It Doesn't Appeal to Me At All. Scrabble for Life.

(CNN) -- What's so addictive about a Scrabble-like online game that it can get you kicked off an airplane? Non-gamers have been asking that question since actor Alec Baldwin was booted from an American Airlines flight Tuesday in Los Angeles for refusing to turn off his phone. His reason? The "30 Rock" star was in the middle of playing "Words with Friends." For the uninitiated, "Words with Friends" is a multiplayer word game that people play online, usually on their phones or via Facebook. Like Scrabble, players receive a random assortment of letters on tiles and must use them to form words on a crossword puzzle-like grid. Words with rare letters such as Q or Z are worth more points.

Little secret, I've never played Words With Friends. Just haven't done it, sure I have it DL'd on my phone and tablet, I'm not a tool or anything, I just haven't played it yet. It's weird too, because I'm the definition of an early adopter, by all accounts I should have been the first person on Words, just waiting for someone else to join so I could play. Shoot, just this week I went out and bought a new vacuum, solely because it had a headlight. I thought it was technologically advanced, for all those times where I vacuum in complete darkness. But Words with Friends? Just haven't done it.

I just don't get the hype, still don't after reading this article. Its basically Scrabble, right, just a different name? Don't get me wrong, I love a good game of Scrabble, and get ultra competitive about it, its just I've never found myself wishing that I'd brought my scrabble board with me so I could play with my friends on the shitter, in the subway, or in line at Target. Great game, not exactly beckoning me at all hours of the day. 

Plus, I've never been one for these games that last for days on end. Like those people who play chess and only move 1 piece every time they visit eachother. What the fuck is that, how's that fun? Just sit down and bang out a game fellas, its chess, takes like 20 minutes, I've seen black people in the park finish up in like 3 minutes. No need for the two year mini-series saga over a chess board. Same with Words With Friends (I take it we can't abbreviate this WWF?). No, I don't want to play a game where you place a word every 4 hours. I 'm either into the game or I'm not. I may be really amped for a game at like 10 AM one day, but if you don't respond until 6 PM, I'm probably not going to be interested in playing anymore, my attention span is short. 

PS: Can't you just cheat too? It's a smartphone, you can be looking up words all day. That doesn't seem right. Call me a purist, but I like Scrabble because it proves that I'm smarter than my opponent when it comes to the English language, what does Words with Friends prove? You know how to use an online dictionary better than them? No thanks. Scrabble for Life

Lynn, MA Police Arrest Lady for Feeding Birds at Local Pond

LYNN (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - An elderly Lynn woman dubbed "The Bird Lady" will be in court Wednesday for continuing to feed geese and ducks at a local pond. The Lynn Daily Item reports that police filed a criminal against 80-year-old Claire Butcher for trespassing. Lynn's health directors told the paper that she brings entire shopping carts full of bread at a time to Flax Pond.

Man, her career really fell off after Home Alone 2, Lost In New York, huh? From feeding the birds of Central Park, the most sought after crazy old bird feeder lady park in the world to feeding ducks at some crummy pond in Lynn...I dare say no star has ever plummeted so greatly. 

PS: Real nice Lynn. Like you don't have enough shit to worry about, you're arresting 80 year old ladies for feeding birds? In Lynn, MA. No house of illegal immigrants or drug dealers you could've been busting, had to send out the APB for Grandma Bird Feeder over here? For shame.

Saugus Librarian Steals $800k from Library Funds, Bookman On the Case

Boston - A former Saugus Public Library employee has been indicted by a federal grand jury on charges of stealing $800,000 from the library, money she allegedly used to pay bills, to fund work on her home, and to splurge on jewelry, flowers, and hotel stays. Linda E. Duffy, 65, a part-time administrative assistant who became a permanent employee at the library in 2004, was indicted on four counts of mail fraud, 10 counts of money laundering, and one count of aggravated identity theft, the US Attorney’s office said today. The indictment states that starting in 2004, and continuing until she resigned in July 2011, Duffy allegedly drained funds from a bank account at Eastern Bank that she had set up in the name of the Saugus Public Library.“We could have used the funds that were allegedly misappropriated. ... This is a real breach of the public’s trust,” he said. The charitable donations diverted to Duffy’s account included checks for about $143,535 from a family estate, prosecutors said. The GE Foundation, which matched donations to the library from current or former General Electric employees, was also bilked of a total of $450,000, according to the indictment.

Sick town, Saugus. When your librarian is bilking your town, and a Fortune 500 company, right under your nose for almost 8 years, you've got some serious problems...Probably start in the Accounting/Controller/Town Auditors office, because they clearly just ignored the library for quite some years. Then I'd look at this womans co-workers, I mean is this a common thing? Librarians living the life of luxury? I know they've got a mean business model making like a nickel a day on overdue books, and that would add up, if people read books from the library anymore. I'm guaranteeing I find more nickels on the street on a daily basis than the library makes in fees. I'm also guaranteeing that if my man Bookman up there was on the case, this would have been snuffed out at the start.

And none of this is to suggest that Linda Duffy isn't to blame, these are her actions and her actions alone it looks like. It's just, she's a librarian, not some Criminal Minds case study. She wasn't even all that clever, just moving funds from the Library's bank account to her's and then giving it out and buying shit. How was this not caught? That's all I want to know. You can just pay yourself from the city of Saugus' bank accounts and no one notices?

PS: What does a library need such exhorbitant donations for anyway? $450k from GE? Can we maybe donate this money to the school systems (which incidentally, have their own library's)?

Lindsay Lohan Playboy Cover Leaked...And I Hardly Cared

Fox News - Lindsay Lohan's Playboy cover was leaked online Wednesday, revealing a shot of the actress channeling a mix of Marilyn Monroe and Jessica Rabbit. The photograph shows Lohan with long blonde tresses cascading down her shoulders while her nude figure straddles a bright red Playboy logo -- strategically covering her sensitive areas. The cover shot, posted on The Insider website, was not set to be revealed until Lohan's interview on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" December 15.

Surest sign yet that its not 2005 anymore? Upon hearing the words "Lohan," "Playboy," and "leak," I didn't immediately go home from the office for lunch and check that shit out...I did later go home for lunch, and didn't even bother to search around for it. It wasn't until like 9:30 at night and I happened to stumble across a story about it on Fox News that I was like "oh yea, hey you should probably check that out." 

 
I don't know if my lack of enthusiasm says more about LiLo and just how far she's fallen off the male radar, or about me and my struggle to remember and enjoy the very same things I loved in college just a few short years ago...Though I'm guessing its just her. I mean, if she still had her fastball, I'd probably have been all over it, its just when you go to jail like 3x per month, its just bad for your image and health.