How Awesome is the Merchant of Death

BANGKOK -- Accused Russian arms merchant Viktor Bout was flown from Bangkok toward New York Tuesday in a chartered U.S. plane, extradited in manacles despite a final outraged push by Russian diplomats to persuade Thailand to release him instead, current and former American officials said.  A former Soviet military officer and air cargo executive nicknamed the "Merchant of Death" by critics, Bout had been accused of arming failed states and insurgents across the Third World since the 1990s, but he had never previously been arrested. Thailand's government ordered Bout, 43, placed in American custody Tuesday, 20 months after his March 2008 arrest in a sting operation led by U.S. narcotics agents. Since then, the wealthy businessman -- estimated by the U.S. to be worth $6 billion -- has been in a Thai jail...Bout has been accused of supplying weapons that fueled civil wars in South America, the Middle East and Africa, with clients ranging from Liberia's Charles Taylor and Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi to the Taliban government that once ran Afghanistan. He was an inspiration for an arms dealer character played by Nicolas Cage in the 2005 film "Lord of War."

Say what you want about his ethics or business model but this man has two great things going for him.  One, the Merchant of Death nickname.  Probably the best nickname in history since Vlad the Impaler.  People probably just running for cover any time he visits their village and showering him with whatever gifts their impoverished lifestyles can provide at his demand.  Daughters and wives wanting to be with him, husbands and fathers wishing they could be him. Probably the most bad ass dude on the planet.  

Secondly, a hall of fame worthy mustache.  Just says "cross me, and bombs will rain down on your village for a week."  Nothing more, nothing less. A good mustache should fit a mans demeanor and personality, and this one nails it.  Actually that's probably why Hitler's 'stache is looked upon so poorly. Has to the the least fitting facial hair in history.  Evil genius, attempting to kill off an entire religion while taking over a continent, paired with a previously love-able comic mustache made popular by Charlie Chaplin.  Odd choice, probably one of the factors in his ultimate failure.

By the way if he is convicted is his nickname up for grabs?  Will warlords everywhere be competing for this title or is he allowed to take it to the can with him?  I hope he doesn't have to give it up.  I'm not sure the world can handle a bunch of lunatic arms dealers showing off and creating chaos all to earn the vacated title (though I'd totally throw my hat in the ring).  

Recently Watched A Tyler Perry Movie

So I'd never bothered to watch any of this Tyler Perry junk prior to this past week (the picture above had a lot to do with it.  All the shows just look loud and corny).  In fact I've never known anyone that has watched any of his movies or tv shows, so I think I may be the first.  Anyway, I didn't intend to watch the movie, it was one of those dvr crap-shoot situations where you exit a show/movie you had recorded and you're at the mercy of whatever is showing on the channel you were previously watching.  9 times out of 10 you crap out.  But this was that 10th time, and    it    was     Awesome.  

The movie wasn't one of the corny Meet the Brown sequels, it was one of the darker dramas (no pun intended, seriously), Diary of Angry Black People or Why Did I Marry My Baby Momma II or some shit.  Well let me tell you, Tyler Perry brings it hard in those movies.  I happened to tune in right in the middle of some kind of Holiday dinner scene with a bunch of couples and they just let loose and dropped bombs on each other for the entire scene like;  "Why don't you tell your wife about your mistress", "Well why don't you tell him who the daddy really is", "Why doesn't he tell you that he got tested for VD", "How about you blaming your wife for the death of your son."

Seriously, none of those are made up or exagerrations.  Just film history being made left and right at that dinner table.  I was riveted for the next 15-20 minutes.  Sat right in front of the tv like a little kid, right up until all the drama wore down and the couples started making up.  The movie lost me there, felt too unrealistic, no one is making up with their spouse after having an A-Bomb dropped right in the middle of their turkey dinner.  I also noticed that all the characters continued to wear Cosby sweaters after the holiday dinner, and they all drove around in black Ranger Rovers, Escalades, and Denali's, just didn't ring true.  

Bottom line is I still wouldn't recommend these movies to anyone, they're still really corny,  and I feel a bit embarrassed for even admitting I watched 20 minutes of one.  But I will say next time you happen to land on one of these movies give it 10-15 minutes.  You won't be let down. 

El Diablo Attacks Trinidad and Tobago

Fox News - Panic broke out at Trinidad and Tobago high school after students fell mysteriously ill, began rolling on the ground and blabbering in a strange tongue, triggering fears of a demon attack, the Guardian Trinidad and Tobago reported. Seventeen female students at Moruga Composite School began the strange behavior after suffering from nausea and headaches. Two of the students reportedly tried to throw themselves off a railing and had to be physically restrained. Teachers took the students into the multi-purpose hall where some of them fell into a semi-conscious state. One student, Kern Mollinea, told the paper that the girls were unusually strong, and many of them had bruises. Mollineau also claimed he communicated with the “Devil” who had possessed the girl. “I asked the Devil what he wanted with the girls and the voice said he wanted a life. He kept saying to send the girls in the toilet and to leave them alone.” Roman Catholic priests and pastors from nearby churches visited the school to shower the children with holy water and prayers. Authorities said that there was nothing in the environment to trigger fainting spells, nausea and headaches among the students. A teacher told authorities the school was constructed on a burial site, but neighbors who live around the school denied such claims.

Frigen Trinidadians and Tobogans.  When will these third world countries learn? I know they don't have the benefit of Hollywood cinema like we do here in the civilized world but shouldn't they have learned not to build on ancient burial grounds by now?  Like no shit your female students were attacked by the devil.  Everyone knows El Diablo needs virgin blood every now and again.  You were just asking for trouble building a school there. Smarten up.  

I will call bull shit on the whole "send them to the toilet" thing. That seems out of place. More likely the girls just had to go to the bathroom and didn't want some creep-o professor watching them pee. Even the devil has the decency to afflict people after they've taken care of their business. 

PS: I've always wanted to see someone break down and speak in tongues.  Are these real languages? Or do we just use this term now when people start babbling incoherently or slurring their words.  I saw a guy have a seizure once (true story) and you could definitely say he was making babbling noises, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't speaking in tongues.  More like he was choking on his tongue and that was the sound it was making. 

Nature Vs Nurture

Damn it, that didn't clear up much of anything in the old nature vs. nurture debate.  

On the one hand you've got a young African American boy, clearly influenced by his white surroundings in taking up skate boarding (point, Nurture).  On the other hand he just stepped right in and dominated the sport (skaters probably shaking in their boots right now the same way white baseball players did when they saw Jackie Robinson), and clearly displayed the showmanship qualities we've come to know and love from the majority of today's Afro-American athletes (point, Nature).  

Guess this one will have to be solved another day. 

Tuition for Illegals?

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Gov. Deval Patrick says he'll use his second term to try to implement the rest of an advisory panel's recent recommendations on immigration reform, including in-state tuition for illegal immigrant students and more English classes.

Two words, Fuck No. 

So one day after I read that California is apparently blindly pushing a similar measure (despite the fact that as a State they are bankrupt), Deval decides Massachusetts can't be one-upped in the buffoonery department.  Hey Deval, how about you start serving the people that elected you.  And here is a hint, they're not the illegal immigrants that you continue to pander to, those people can't even vote. Shit most of them don't pay taxes so its not like they're even lining your pockets, you must be the dumbest elected politician in our states history.  

Seriously, the fact that we're constantly being bombarded with stories of government shortfalls in the budget, public layoffs (schools, fire and police etc...), schools cutting sports programs, and underfunded State Universities doesn't mean anything to you? 

If you want to help the illegals then how about cutting the tape and wait time to becoming a citizen and get these illegals paying the same taxes the rest of us do.  Making them wait 5 or 10 years whatever the ludicrous wait time is right now, only to have to answer a few questions like "who are the Presidents of Mount Rushmore" or "What are the first 10 ammendments of the Constitution referred to as" is asinine.  If this is all the knowledge it takes to qualify as a citizen then we should just be enrolling all new immigrants into a 6th grade social studies and history class.  Pass the final you're a citizen.  Boom, The Alt Tab just solved the whole illegal immigration problem, what else ya got?

I really hope that Deval has a few level headed (or irate, I'd take irate) staffers who can talk some sense into this jack-wad.  Because the hell if I'm funding little Consuella Villalobos just because her parents jumped the fence instead of going through the legal channels.

Slurpees Are Blowing Up

CNN -- When President Obama commented that the Republicans were standing around drinking Slurpees while the Democrats were busy creating real change in Washington, it caused quite a storm. Now that he's sitting down with the new Republican leadership this week, the so-called "Slurpee Summit" is the talk of the nation...While most of us have had one of 7-Eleven's frozen concoctions, there's plenty more you probably don't know about this too cool drink.  Like so many great inventions, the Slurpee was created by accident. In the late-1950s, Omar Knedlik of Kansas City owned an old Dairy Queen whose machinery was always breaking down. When his soda fountain went out, he improvised by putting some bottles in the freezer to stay cool. However, when he popped the top, they were a little frozen and slushy. Folks loved them and started requesting "those pops that were in a little bit longer."

All right, so Slurpees seem to be popping up everywhere in the news lately ever since Obama made the crack about Republicans a few weeks ago (I thought he'd follow it up about how the Dem's in the White House crush Kool-Aid, but I guess that would be hoping for a bit too much comedy from your president).  I mean everywhere, CNN can't go a day without having a slurpee related article, it pops up in google trends almost every other day, and I'd imagine if I was on twitter it would be one of the most tweeted about topics as well.

But I don't get it.  Do people actually drink these things? Like other than on a dare when they're 12 years old?  I have a confession to make, I've never had a slurpee and honestly couldn't see myself having one in the forseeable future up until now.

Am I missing out?  Is it just for X-gamer and stoner types, or can anyone drink these and be socially acceptable?  Do I need to re-evaluate my stance on the Slurpee?  Drop a comment and let us know.  If they really are that good suggest a flavor and I'll go out and give it a whirl.  You only live once right.

Chlorophyl? More like Boro-phyl, Am I Right?

Take it easy Gestapo.  Christ. 

I've never understood people's indignant response toward the yawn.  I mean I get that yawning right in someones face or in a smaller more intimate setting it is rude, but in a lecture hall, class room, large presentation, etc... it should be more accepted.  Its hardly a personal slight, the frigen guy was just tired and let out a yawn.  Its a bodily function.  Shit happens. 

Reminds me of a time in high school, I had this real fascist of an English teacher.  Just a mean, self-loathing prick.  I let out the slightest yawn while the class was reading Shakespeare or The Great Gatsby or some shit and all hell broke loose.  Class was stopped, I was called out in front of everyone and he asked me a question that to this day I still don't know how I could have answered correctly. 

"Are we keeping you awake?" 

I froze.  Mind you this was early in CW's freshman year, still not aware of his own awesomeness and oozing with untapped wit and charm but unaware of how to bring it to the surface.  I pondered the question for a few seconds, but could not come to a suitable answer.  After this dickhead prompted me again for an answer I sheepishly replied Yes, to which I was met with the response of see me after class.  But think about it.  What was I supposed to answer?  Yes implies that he's keeping me awake and I'd rather be sleeping.  An answer of No seems to imply that he's not keeping me awake, that I find him boring enough to sleep right on through (he was that boring).  I was stuck, we met after class, I bit my tongue and didn't call him out on being a power tripping asshole, in turn he didn't fail me .  But I still wonder to this day what the correct answer would have been? 

Vanity Plate Leads to Arrest

MANCHESTER, N.H. – Police say a New Hampshire woman charged with robbing a pharmacy wasn't hard to find: Her name was on the license plate of the getaway car. Police say a motorist watched the woman flee from a Rite Aid parking lot in Manchester. The witness also reported seeing the woman toss items from her car Friday morning. The vanity plate read "B-USHER." Police tell WCVB-TV that the car was registered to 43-year-old Bonnie Usher, who was arrested at her home. Police recovered stolen money and found a ski mask tossed from the car. An official at the Hillsborough County Jail says Usher was being held Sunday night on $60,000 bail. The jail's paperwork did not indicate whether she had retained a lawyer.

Little known fact, New Hampshire (Boston's largest suburb) has the second most vanity plates per capita in the nation.  For a suburb who's motto is "live free or die" giving off a strong minimal government vibe, their citizens sure make it easy for their government to track them down when necessary.  Certainly makes police work easier, no more asking witnesses for make and model of the car,  just have to ask if the redneck put their name or any other cutesy phrases on the back of the car.  

It must really work to curb road rage and speeding infractions though.  I'd be far less tempted to piss off other drivers on the road if I knew they could identify me by my license plate.  Certainly wouldn't be flipping people off at every perceived slight anymore.

Man's Committment To Sandwiches Pushed To New Level

(NewsCore) - Hunger beat out the hospital for one Connecticut man. Shot twice near the groin, New Haven resident Miguel Soto III had a choice: Eat the sandwich he just bought, or rush to the emergency room just a block away. He headed home, sat down in the kitchen and polished off the hero before asking his dad for a ride to Yale-New Haven hospital, WVIT-TV reported late Wednesday.

Sadly, in yet another example of poor, sloppy journalism, the site does not report the two most vital pieces of information at play here though.  What kind of sandwich was it? And where did he get it from (seriously this sub shop should have a huge billboard that just says good enough to die for)?  

I'm going to rule out just about any kind of cold-cut sandwich because no man would be that ridiculous.  Has to be hot and has to be toasted.  I initially thought steak but then reconsidered,  good steak tip or steak and cheese subs are really a dime a dozen.  Each city has a claim to the best and for the most part they're all the same, can't be that.  Same argument goes for chicken parm, anyone can make a good one.  Meatball sub would be a good contender, but anyone that's ever heated up the leftovers to a meatball sub knows its almost as good cold or reheated as it was when it was piping hot.  

This leaves really only one option in my mind, the Thanksgiving Sub.  Its the pinnacle of sub-making and not every sub shop even attempts to make it.  Takes just the right balance of turkey and stuffing to protect the bread from becoming mush from the cranberry sauce and gravy.  When it's perfected, there is nothing better, dare I say worth dying for. Yep, that's gotta be it.